I'm still The Man and you're still rejected material for maxi pads. You have no wings and you're not fly. Huh? Yeah that is harsh. Not sure where that came from because I'm having a good morning, governor. Scale went down. Ran my best mile and best overall pace this morning. I, unlike you, was flying. Ok. Flying-ish. That is until I left to go to work, but it took less than 2 hours to get to the office. So, life is great. Period. Uh. Ok. I'll sign a f***ing letter apologizing to you, but who apologizes to the help? I treat you better than they treat the people at Downton Abbey. Ok. Fine. That's not true. Just know that I'm not sorry. Hurry up and hand me the bloody pad bloke.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
February 4, 2014, 238.2lbs
Dear Diary,
I know, I know. Its early. I got up to get my run in because I'm The Man. You know how I know? Because this song told me so.
Yup, right from the beginning the song reaffirmed my beliefs. It also got me drinking the koolaid pretty quickly. "I believed every lie that I ever told." When I heard the pace I was going after 5 minutes, I knew I was The Man and The Man was going to crush his record for his best mile. Turns out I was wrong and I missed crushing my record. Hell I didn't even get close to it. But I still had a chance to be The Man because I had that song on a loop the whole time I ran. It turns out that wasn't as long as I had run before. Thats because The Man ran at a better overall pace today, in spite of missing out on my best mile. So f*** you mile one record. I got up and did what must be done. I ran harder than before only to find myself standing 4th in the line of my Nike Running app motivation.
Huh? Nope. No disrespect, but they're not my competition. The Man has no competition but The Man. I run to do better than I did before, but ok. The Man shouldn't be in 4th place. So maybe I'm not The Man yet, just a man. But I'll get there, because this is my world. It's time to do what must be done. Be a king when kingdom comes. So go ahead and tell everybody, I'm The Man, I'm The Man, I'm The Man. Huh? I know, I know. Its early.
I know, I know. Its early. I got up to get my run in because I'm The Man. You know how I know? Because this song told me so.
Huh? Nope. No disrespect, but they're not my competition. The Man has no competition but The Man. I run to do better than I did before, but ok. The Man shouldn't be in 4th place. So maybe I'm not The Man yet, just a man. But I'll get there, because this is my world. It's time to do what must be done. Be a king when kingdom comes. So go ahead and tell everybody, I'm The Man, I'm The Man, I'm The Man. Huh? I know, I know. Its early.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
February 2, 2014, 239.3 lbs
Dear Diary,
Mary had a little lamb and Michael had a lot. Well that and cake too. We celebrated my mom's birthday yesterday and we had George's Greek Cafe. There was lamb everywhere. Especially on my plate. Huh? No I don't know if he stole it from Mary. No he doesn't look like a gypsy. Also, I'm pretty sure thats a derogatory term plus what the f*** do gypsies look like? Oh, well... Dumba**. Because the lamb I ate wouldn't go away in silence, I decided to try to run it off. As I began my run I had to stop because if was freezing like a muthaf***a. You knew!?!? Why didn't you tell me it was so cold you son of a b****!?!?! Forty six f***ing degrees. It was so cold that I can barely type now. It was so cold that the b**** of a pit bull that could have been your mother didn't chase me. Yup. That dog was out walking around by itself was so big that it should have just been called a bull. Luckily I had stopped running already when I saw it out of the corner of my eye. We both kept walking parallel to each other making sure the other wouldn't start running. It wouldn't come after me. How did I know? It wouldn't. I can't explain it. It - it would consider that rude. It was like we had a contract. Good thing that b**** was as old and as cold as me. If it was the warm day that the sun led me to believe it was gonna be when I looked out the window, things might have ended badly...for that sheepish dog. I'm a beast. I already ate Mary's lamb, courtesy of George. Huh? No, we didn't have fava beans and a nice chianti to complement the meal. Why do you ask?
PS. I don't care if you are mad you weren't invited to the party. The Lyons don't concern themselves with the opinion of sheep.
Mary had a little lamb and Michael had a lot. Well that and cake too. We celebrated my mom's birthday yesterday and we had George's Greek Cafe. There was lamb everywhere. Especially on my plate. Huh? No I don't know if he stole it from Mary. No he doesn't look like a gypsy. Also, I'm pretty sure thats a derogatory term plus what the f*** do gypsies look like? Oh, well... Dumba**. Because the lamb I ate wouldn't go away in silence, I decided to try to run it off. As I began my run I had to stop because if was freezing like a muthaf***a. You knew!?!? Why didn't you tell me it was so cold you son of a b****!?!?! Forty six f***ing degrees. It was so cold that I can barely type now. It was so cold that the b**** of a pit bull that could have been your mother didn't chase me. Yup. That dog was out walking around by itself was so big that it should have just been called a bull. Luckily I had stopped running already when I saw it out of the corner of my eye. We both kept walking parallel to each other making sure the other wouldn't start running. It wouldn't come after me. How did I know? It wouldn't. I can't explain it. It - it would consider that rude. It was like we had a contract. Good thing that b**** was as old and as cold as me. If it was the warm day that the sun led me to believe it was gonna be when I looked out the window, things might have ended badly...for that sheepish dog. I'm a beast. I already ate Mary's lamb, courtesy of George. Huh? No, we didn't have fava beans and a nice chianti to complement the meal. Why do you ask?
PS. I don't care if you are mad you weren't invited to the party. The Lyons don't concern themselves with the opinion of sheep.
Friday, January 31, 2014
January 31, 2014, 237.3 lbs
Dear Diary,
Huh? Yeah the weight is right. Just seems like it's stuck in place. It was actually a little higher yesterday. Why didn't I tell you? Because f*** you. That's why. Look. I don't have time to be telling you every little thing I do and every little thing I eat; even if it is delicious. Ok yes. I had bundts this week. I mean they had zesty f***in orange man. What do you expect me to do? Ignore that!?! Also yes, I had some that Betty made too. And sloppy joes. And Cheesecake Factory too. Ok. Are you happy? Yeah b***h! 
Well I am too. Kinda. My weight has been in check even though I ate all the stuff so that's a reason to celebrate. Another reason to celebrate is the fact that I just finished running/walking 100 miles in January. That's more than twice the amount I had ever done in a month. And more than I had done in some combined years. Plus I did a good chunk of it jogging. Gotta say that I'm pleased. Just not satisfied. That's where the kinda gets added to the happy. I guess it's the curse of competitiveness and the fact that there was no finish line. Just more miles to run. F***.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
January 28, 2014, 237.3 lbs
Dear diary,
Things are going well. Weight's going down on the scale. Trying to look good, but pretty hurts. I don't want to be haunted by memories of things that I could have done better, so I try and run hard. Sometimes it makes me want to drink, cause I'd have to be drunk in love to be happy when jogging. But I keep doing it because I don't want to blow the gains I've made because of it. They are like heaven. And you don't have to tell me. I'm no angel but I'm trying to be better. Somebod yonce told me to put up a partition between the fat Mike and the skinnier version, then don't look back. Don't be jealous a**hole. I'm not gonna rocket away from your dumb a**, but these goals are mine and who else is gonna help me reach them but me. Ok, yes. And Beyoncé. Look she ain't flawless, but she helped me power through this mornings run like I had a superpower.
Thanks Beyoncé, XO
PS. Can't wait to get my blue fly knit air max when I hit 100 miles.
Things are going well. Weight's going down on the scale. Trying to look good, but pretty hurts. I don't want to be haunted by memories of things that I could have done better, so I try and run hard. Sometimes it makes me want to drink, cause I'd have to be drunk in love to be happy when jogging. But I keep doing it because I don't want to blow the gains I've made because of it. They are like heaven. And you don't have to tell me. I'm no angel but I'm trying to be better. Somebod yonce told me to put up a partition between the fat Mike and the skinnier version, then don't look back. Don't be jealous a**hole. I'm not gonna rocket away from your dumb a**, but these goals are mine and who else is gonna help me reach them but me. Ok, yes. And Beyoncé. Look she ain't flawless, but she helped me power through this mornings run like I had a superpower.
Thanks Beyoncé, XO
PS. Can't wait to get my blue fly knit air max when I hit 100 miles.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
January 26, 2014, 237.3 lbs
Dear Diary,
This was it. This was the day I stopped running. Hey! Don't be so giddy a**hole. We knew it had to come someday. I was pushing myself pretty hard. Yesterday I did more than 10 miles and this morning I eventually did 5. That put me up to 80 miles for the month and has me on pace to meet my goal of 100 by going 4 miles a day through Friday. Manageable enough. So we can agree that the time was not as important as miles. Excuse me a**hole!?! I said we can agree...Thank you! With all that said, I felt guilty about walking. Whenever I got the time or distance reminder and it told me about the pace I was going I got mad and felt like running. I had made a conscious decision to walk today and save my body some wear and tear while still getting my miles in. By time I made it to the final stretch of the walk and was concerned about the pace, T.I.'s you ain't missin nothin came on and it said,
That did it for me. I finished my walk at a leisurely pace and got home in time to tell you to f*** off. You have to be grateful for the little things. Ha! Don't say it...
This was it. This was the day I stopped running. Hey! Don't be so giddy a**hole. We knew it had to come someday. I was pushing myself pretty hard. Yesterday I did more than 10 miles and this morning I eventually did 5. That put me up to 80 miles for the month and has me on pace to meet my goal of 100 by going 4 miles a day through Friday. Manageable enough. So we can agree that the time was not as important as miles. Excuse me a**hole!?! I said we can agree...Thank you! With all that said, I felt guilty about walking. Whenever I got the time or distance reminder and it told me about the pace I was going I got mad and felt like running. I had made a conscious decision to walk today and save my body some wear and tear while still getting my miles in. By time I made it to the final stretch of the walk and was concerned about the pace, T.I.'s you ain't missin nothin came on and it said,
I know the time seem long, just try and keep strong
Put on ya headphones and rewind this song
Remember you ain't missin' nothin', homes
I promise you ain't missin' nothin', homes
That did it for me. I finished my walk at a leisurely pace and got home in time to tell you to f*** off. You have to be grateful for the little things. Ha! Don't say it...
Friday, January 24, 2014
January 24, 2014, 235.2 lbs
Dear Diary,
Its funny how you can use almost anything to justify what you want to do. Take this morning for instance. I hopped on the scale and saw the numbers go down. I could have used that as an excuse to take a break. A reward for a job well done. Instead I chose to celebrate by getting out there and running again. I came up short of my best mile by a few seconds and I did not beat my best overall pace. And thats just fine. I've gone for almost 65 miles so far this month, so f*** you! Who can break records every time they go out? Huh? It was a rhetorical question a**hole and those weren't the kind of records I was talking about. But since you brought it up, yes I am somewhat sorry about your record collection. You have to admit though you didn't really have the best taste in music. Uh, yeah. That would be my justification. B***h.
Its funny how you can use almost anything to justify what you want to do. Take this morning for instance. I hopped on the scale and saw the numbers go down. I could have used that as an excuse to take a break. A reward for a job well done. Instead I chose to celebrate by getting out there and running again. I came up short of my best mile by a few seconds and I did not beat my best overall pace. And thats just fine. I've gone for almost 65 miles so far this month, so f*** you! Who can break records every time they go out? Huh? It was a rhetorical question a**hole and those weren't the kind of records I was talking about. But since you brought it up, yes I am somewhat sorry about your record collection. You have to admit though you didn't really have the best taste in music. Uh, yeah. That would be my justification. B***h.
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