Dear Diary,
Happy Juneteenth! Freedom from slavery is a wonderful thing. I'm trying to be free from the crap that shackles me. Its getting pretty annoying to work my a** off (and before you ask, no, not literally) all week and then end up in the same place or worse after a brief f*** up. I feel like I work all week to escape from the plantation, but I keep getting tracked down and put right back in my chains. And don't get me wrong, though I'd love to blame this one you, I know this is my own doing. I also know I'm the only that can set me free. Huh? No. I am not the master of my own domain. Thats something else entirely. And yeah, actually I am.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
June 18, Day 21, 242.6 lbs
Dear Diary,
So three weeks in to my comeback I weigh more than when I started. I haven't even compared this to last year, but this sucks even compared to last week. I spent this past weekend hanging with some buddies drinking, smoking cigars, talking s**t and eating. Yeah, I know. The f***ing life. But life isn't grand when it causes you to tip the scales like this. I'm still on the workout tip, but I have to hit it harder. I'm convinced that my body is working against me right now with all of the cravings and the retaining of the crap I put into it. I didn't mean for that s**t to stay! That whole junk in junk out saying doesn't really apply to diets. F***ing charcuterie.
So three weeks in to my comeback I weigh more than when I started. I haven't even compared this to last year, but this sucks even compared to last week. I spent this past weekend hanging with some buddies drinking, smoking cigars, talking s**t and eating. Yeah, I know. The f***ing life. But life isn't grand when it causes you to tip the scales like this. I'm still on the workout tip, but I have to hit it harder. I'm convinced that my body is working against me right now with all of the cravings and the retaining of the crap I put into it. I didn't mean for that s**t to stay! That whole junk in junk out saying doesn't really apply to diets. F***ing charcuterie.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
June 14, Day 17, 240.8 lbs
Dear Diary,
Yesterday was my first day of eating and no kind of exercise in a while, and I paid for it. Huh. Yeah a**. I always pay for my meals. I was talking figuratively. Huh? No, I'm actually talking. Figuratively is... You know what? Shut the f*** up idiot. I'd stuff a crepe in your mouth if you had one. Hell if I had one for that matter. Huh? No a**hole. I had a mouth. I'm talking about a crepe. I do see how that could be confusing, but damn. You remain an idiot. I guess I could be an idiot myself, but I'm not. You are an idiot because you do idiotic things. I on the other hand make smart decisions because I can see the desired outcome of them. I knew that eating that crepe carbona and the bolero last night was gonna tip the scales, so no surprise there. I did it anyway; even though I knew I wasn't gonna get a work out in. Huh? Yeah. That does sound pretty idiotic. F***.
Yesterday was my first day of eating and no kind of exercise in a while, and I paid for it. Huh. Yeah a**. I always pay for my meals. I was talking figuratively. Huh? No, I'm actually talking. Figuratively is... You know what? Shut the f*** up idiot. I'd stuff a crepe in your mouth if you had one. Hell if I had one for that matter. Huh? No a**hole. I had a mouth. I'm talking about a crepe. I do see how that could be confusing, but damn. You remain an idiot. I guess I could be an idiot myself, but I'm not. You are an idiot because you do idiotic things. I on the other hand make smart decisions because I can see the desired outcome of them. I knew that eating that crepe carbona and the bolero last night was gonna tip the scales, so no surprise there. I did it anyway; even though I knew I wasn't gonna get a work out in. Huh? Yeah. That does sound pretty idiotic. F***.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
June 12, Day 15, 238.8 lbs
Dear Diary,
I f***ing hate treadmills. It's like you're going nowhere fast. Running in place is a waste of f***ing time. Huh? Ok fine it can help you lose weight, but it feels like I'm not going anywhere. Huh? Well yeah I know thats the point, but...f***k you. I wasn't on a treadmill anyway. My point is that my weight loss feels like a treadmill. I'm doing a bunch of s**t but not getting anywhere. Just spinning my damn wheels. I know that if I get to a place where I can gain some traction I'm gonna take off, but until then I guess I'll just stay here and insult you. F***ing douchebag.
I f***ing hate treadmills. It's like you're going nowhere fast. Running in place is a waste of f***ing time. Huh? Ok fine it can help you lose weight, but it feels like I'm not going anywhere. Huh? Well yeah I know thats the point, but...f***k you. I wasn't on a treadmill anyway. My point is that my weight loss feels like a treadmill. I'm doing a bunch of s**t but not getting anywhere. Just spinning my damn wheels. I know that if I get to a place where I can gain some traction I'm gonna take off, but until then I guess I'll just stay here and insult you. F***ing douchebag.
Monday, June 11, 2012
June 11, Day 14, 239.0 lbs
Dear Dairy,
Huh?? F*** I know I took a few days off. Just from you though. I've still been working. Things have been crazy. Insane might be the better word. Insanity to be exact. Me TLO and my sister in law started tackling that that last week. I did the whole passing out thing on night one, but I didn't have any more of those issues going forward. I did have some issues getting though all of the workouts, but I will. I think its already having some positive effects even though I'm not losing weight at the moment. I was able to power through my last walk at a pretty good pace compared to my previous walk before I started this. So i think there is some slight improvement in cardio and strength. And to tell the truth on the weight, huh? NO! Power walking is not for women! I didn't even say that I was power walking. Read it again a**hole. Its not like my hands are flailing about and I'm switching up and down the street. Its called walking fast you dips**t. Now shut the f*** up, before I power my foot up your a**.
Huh?? F*** I know I took a few days off. Just from you though. I've still been working. Things have been crazy. Insane might be the better word. Insanity to be exact. Me TLO and my sister in law started tackling that that last week. I did the whole passing out thing on night one, but I didn't have any more of those issues going forward. I did have some issues getting though all of the workouts, but I will. I think its already having some positive effects even though I'm not losing weight at the moment. I was able to power through my last walk at a pretty good pace compared to my previous walk before I started this. So i think there is some slight improvement in cardio and strength. And to tell the truth on the weight, huh? NO! Power walking is not for women! I didn't even say that I was power walking. Read it again a**hole. Its not like my hands are flailing about and I'm switching up and down the street. Its called walking fast you dips**t. Now shut the f*** up, before I power my foot up your a**.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
June 6, Day 9, 237.8 lbs
Dear Diary,
Night two of insanity passed without me passing out. I was looking forward to the darkness, but no. I just proceeded to cool down like normal people do after a workout. I'd like to make that a habit. But making things habits takes so long. I guess that's alright. Especially if this habit helps me to keep losing weight. It's not like I have anything to do, right? Right? Answer me a**hole! It's not a rhetorical question. Seriously. What's my schedule look like? I'm too f***ing tired to look. I should have gotten more rest when I was done not throwing up.
Night two of insanity passed without me passing out. I was looking forward to the darkness, but no. I just proceeded to cool down like normal people do after a workout. I'd like to make that a habit. But making things habits takes so long. I guess that's alright. Especially if this habit helps me to keep losing weight. It's not like I have anything to do, right? Right? Answer me a**hole! It's not a rhetorical question. Seriously. What's my schedule look like? I'm too f***ing tired to look. I should have gotten more rest when I was done not throwing up.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
June 5, Day 8, 238.4 lbs
Dear Diary,
Last night I did the insanity fit test. I made it through, but just barely. I did better than the last time, but when it was all over I felt myself blacking out. I was prepared for it or at least I thought I was. I mean its happened before after I've gotten a good cardio workout in. Its not like I'm in the best of shape, so when I do something my body isn't used to it just shuts down like the a**hole it is. Huh? Its kinda like the blue screen of death on an old Windows PC, or the Red Ring of death on an xbox. Whatever you want to compare the blacking out to, the point is that its almost inevitable. To try to prevent the inevitable, I armed myself with a protein shake as soon as I was done and got into a position where I could breathe. It didn't matter. I could see, and feel, the darkness coming. I tried to fight it. Then I didn't. I know that everyone talks about not going into the light, so I figured the darkness has to be the opposite. I said f*** it and laid back. I was only out for a minute, if that, but it felt like so much more. It felt like my computer was reset or something and I had a clean slate. I was well rested and felt like I was at peace. Here is to making progress. And giving into the darkness. Serenity now... Insanity later. Tomorrow actually. B***h.
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