Dear Diary,
Unicorns piss glitter and give leprechauns rides to the other side of the rainbow to bury their pots of gold. Screw that. I was trying to paint a beautiful picture and maybe not make things painful for you but it's not gonna happen. Not that I can't do it, but because I don't want to. If I could dig up Frank he'd tell you that he did things his way. That's what I'm gonna do. No a**hole. I'm not gonna do anything his way. I'm gonna do it my way. It's worked ok so far. Speaking of working I did some last night. I rode the real bike for 7 miles last night through the mean streets of Gardena and Torrance. I say mean streets because they were rough. The sidewalks were in disrepair. It was rough, but I kept it pushing. I wish I knew the conversion rate for real bike miles to exercise bike miles. Maybe it's like the food stamp rate, but who do I ask? Can't ask the scale anything because it doesn't know how to do anything. Dumb f***ing machine. Sugar and spice and everything nice, thats what you are made of of diary... I'll kick you in the nuts if you try to say you aren't.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
July 20, Day 135, 234.4 lbs, 34% bf
Dear Diary,
We did it! For real this time. You're my best friend! I love you! Huh? Nothing. We cracked the 30 lbs lost mark. Hopefully to stay. I know I'm losing, but I feel like a winner. I'm the best there is pure and simple. I wake up in the morning and piss excellence. Especially after a night like last night. Actually I didn't do too much last night. I was tired after I got home and only did about half my planned workout. Ten miles with the EBG and some sit ups. Then I fell asleep on the floor. Huh? With all due respect, you can shut the f*** up. What? I said with all due respect? Look. I did enough to offset the piece of red velvet cheesecake that I threw down yesterday and lost some. I got under 235 for real this time. Now I just need to have a good day to lock it in. Wow. You and the scale have really been ok with me the last few days. I'm so proud of you boys. So precocious and full of wonderment. Huh? Don't you ever say that you love me again. Bury it deep down in there. And never bring it up again.
PS. You sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
July 19, Day 134, 236.2 lbs, 31% bf
Dear Diary,
I'm loving summer so far. Gotta say I love my boss too. Because he made a change in my territory I'm able to get home to my kids and TLO sooner. I got to put together a little bike seat for the baby and take him out for a ride at the end of the day. He only lasted for a mile or so, but I know he enjoyed it before he fell out. No. Not out of the bike you dumb f***. He fell asleep. You just don't get it. Well, ok. I see how you could have come to believe that I meant it the other way, but you're still stupid. Maybe I am too. I ended up doing 4 miles on the real bike and another 20 on the exercise bike. The stupid part comes in with me buying this big a** cheesecake for TLO. I tried to buy the smaller one, but they didn't have it in stock. They gave me a discount on half of the larger one. That's when the part of me that's always looking for a deal kicked in. I said hell yeah. I got that home and shared a slice with TLO, then stared at 5 more big a** slices in the box. I'd say I don't know what I was thinking but I did. I'm gonna eat that f***ing cheesecake. Huh? What kind? Red velvet cheesecake. Don't interrupt me again or I'll bust you upside the head until the white paper shows. Now where was I? Oh yeah. Eating that sweet f***ing cheesecake. And I'm gonna work my a** off to do it. That time that I used to spend stuck on the freeway is going to be put to good use. Me, momma, Monica, Mike, and Myles are gonna ride out. It'll be great. Plus, I'm not scared of no muthaf***in dessert! I'll pull out my fork and this whole damn room will get dark. Kick it!
I'm loving summer so far. Gotta say I love my boss too. Because he made a change in my territory I'm able to get home to my kids and TLO sooner. I got to put together a little bike seat for the baby and take him out for a ride at the end of the day. He only lasted for a mile or so, but I know he enjoyed it before he fell out. No. Not out of the bike you dumb f***. He fell asleep. You just don't get it. Well, ok. I see how you could have come to believe that I meant it the other way, but you're still stupid. Maybe I am too. I ended up doing 4 miles on the real bike and another 20 on the exercise bike. The stupid part comes in with me buying this big a** cheesecake for TLO. I tried to buy the smaller one, but they didn't have it in stock. They gave me a discount on half of the larger one. That's when the part of me that's always looking for a deal kicked in. I said hell yeah. I got that home and shared a slice with TLO, then stared at 5 more big a** slices in the box. I'd say I don't know what I was thinking but I did. I'm gonna eat that f***ing cheesecake. Huh? What kind? Red velvet cheesecake. Don't interrupt me again or I'll bust you upside the head until the white paper shows. Now where was I? Oh yeah. Eating that sweet f***ing cheesecake. And I'm gonna work my a** off to do it. That time that I used to spend stuck on the freeway is going to be put to good use. Me, momma, Monica, Mike, and Myles are gonna ride out. It'll be great. Plus, I'm not scared of no muthaf***in dessert! I'll pull out my fork and this whole damn room will get dark. Kick it!
Monday, July 18, 2011
July 18, Day 133, 236.0 lbs, 35.0% bf
Dear Diary,
O. S. I. M! Oh you don't get that?! Oh s**t it's Monday. Made it through another weakend. The scale lied. I drank. I ate. I did domestic maintenance. I did so many things I didn't really get a chance to workout like I wanted. But I came through it ok. I even celebrated the 50th anniversary of Weinerschitzel with $0.61 chili dogs. I bought 4 last night but limited myself to eating 2. Then I started thinking. I've been happy with them because they are only 300 calories each. I can eat 2 and get full with less guilt. But then I started thinking that the Big Mac is only 540 calories. I can eat one one those and be better off. And both of those are fewer calories than my 2 bean burritos from Taco Bell. But it doesn't work like that. Fewer calories don't mean healthy. I can't fall back into the fast food f*** ups again. I need to keep that in mind, but I have two chili dogs to finish first.
O. S. I. M! Oh you don't get that?! Oh s**t it's Monday. Made it through another weakend. The scale lied. I drank. I ate. I did domestic maintenance. I did so many things I didn't really get a chance to workout like I wanted. But I came through it ok. I even celebrated the 50th anniversary of Weinerschitzel with $0.61 chili dogs. I bought 4 last night but limited myself to eating 2. Then I started thinking. I've been happy with them because they are only 300 calories each. I can eat 2 and get full with less guilt. But then I started thinking that the Big Mac is only 540 calories. I can eat one one those and be better off. And both of those are fewer calories than my 2 bean burritos from Taco Bell. But it doesn't work like that. Fewer calories don't mean healthy. I can't fall back into the fast food f*** ups again. I need to keep that in mind, but I have two chili dogs to finish first.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
July 17, Day 132, 237 lbs, 35.5% bf
Dear Diary,
I know I partied yesterday, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't that hard. Yeah I had a gang of tacos and a couple cups of some drank. F***in street tacos. Ten seconds of joy, 30 years of misery. And? It wasn't enough to hit the numbers I'm seeing this morning. That s**ts damn near impossible. The only thing I can really see as a possible explanation of all of this is that the 233 was a lie. I happily accepted it though I was kinda leery about it from the start. But why tell the truth today? It's Sunday? Why do you care? You know what? I don't care. Just keep telling me what I need to hear. Hopefully it's the truth. Naw, I'm lying. Ok, I'll settle for true lies. Just keep telling me I'm getting smaller, or I'm gonna have to kill you. Have I killed people before? Yeah, but they were all bad. Now I've never really celebrated it before, but I'm gonna party hard on your grave. I'm already working on my dance moves. You've seen Thriller, right?
I know I partied yesterday, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't that hard. Yeah I had a gang of tacos and a couple cups of some drank. F***in street tacos. Ten seconds of joy, 30 years of misery. And? It wasn't enough to hit the numbers I'm seeing this morning. That s**ts damn near impossible. The only thing I can really see as a possible explanation of all of this is that the 233 was a lie. I happily accepted it though I was kinda leery about it from the start. But why tell the truth today? It's Sunday? Why do you care? You know what? I don't care. Just keep telling me what I need to hear. Hopefully it's the truth. Naw, I'm lying. Ok, I'll settle for true lies. Just keep telling me I'm getting smaller, or I'm gonna have to kill you. Have I killed people before? Yeah, but they were all bad. Now I've never really celebrated it before, but I'm gonna party hard on your grave. I'm already working on my dance moves. You've seen Thriller, right?
Saturday, July 16, 2011
July 16, Day 131, 233.8 lbs, 35.5 bf
Dear Diary,
What a good f***ing morning it is. It was a good night too. Hung out with the fam, played some games with the kids, had a chili dog and some pizza, and some ice cream. Visited my mom for a minute and went to sleep. I even got to sleep in my own bed. I'm usually to tired after a workout to take a shower so I don't get in the bed, lest I get a dirty look from TLO in the morning. No, not that kind of dirty look. Those are always welcome. I was supposed to catch some early morning golf today, but had to reschedule. That left me plenty of time for the EBG. It would have been a great time to take out the real bike, but I keep forgetting to buy a lock. Anyway, I wrapped up my M. Night fortnight with The Village and started another flick that took me to 30 miles this morning in just slightly over two hours. Yup. So in the last week I rode over 115 miles with the EBG. And yes I know its not as hard as a real bike, but f*** you on this great f***ing morning. Here's to hoping that I don't screw this number up this afternoon. I'm going to a party. Uh, no. You're not invited. F***ing douche.
What a good f***ing morning it is. It was a good night too. Hung out with the fam, played some games with the kids, had a chili dog and some pizza, and some ice cream. Visited my mom for a minute and went to sleep. I even got to sleep in my own bed. I'm usually to tired after a workout to take a shower so I don't get in the bed, lest I get a dirty look from TLO in the morning. No, not that kind of dirty look. Those are always welcome. I was supposed to catch some early morning golf today, but had to reschedule. That left me plenty of time for the EBG. It would have been a great time to take out the real bike, but I keep forgetting to buy a lock. Anyway, I wrapped up my M. Night fortnight with The Village and started another flick that took me to 30 miles this morning in just slightly over two hours. Yup. So in the last week I rode over 115 miles with the EBG. And yes I know its not as hard as a real bike, but f*** you on this great f***ing morning. Here's to hoping that I don't screw this number up this afternoon. I'm going to a party. Uh, no. You're not invited. F***ing douche.
Friday, July 15, 2011
July 15, Day 130, 235.8 lbs, 34% bf
Dear Diary,
I'm the same weight again. I'm not gonna complain. I mean I only rode 25 miles on the bike. I'm not gonna complain. Heck I only did 100 sit ups. I'm not gonna complain. Only hit about 130 push ups. But hey, I'm not gonna complain, because I did the three chili dog thing again. They're only 300 calories each so who cares. I'm not complaining anyway, right!? Uh f*** that. Yes I am. I've ridden. Over 85 miles in the last 4 nights. You don't think that should get me a little something off the total? You're an a**hole. And not the good kind either. But hey, there are worst places to be stuck, right? Heck. I'm not gonna complain.
I'm the same weight again. I'm not gonna complain. I mean I only rode 25 miles on the bike. I'm not gonna complain. Heck I only did 100 sit ups. I'm not gonna complain. Only hit about 130 push ups. But hey, I'm not gonna complain, because I did the three chili dog thing again. They're only 300 calories each so who cares. I'm not complaining anyway, right!? Uh f*** that. Yes I am. I've ridden. Over 85 miles in the last 4 nights. You don't think that should get me a little something off the total? You're an a**hole. And not the good kind either. But hey, there are worst places to be stuck, right? Heck. I'm not gonna complain.
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