Dear Diary,
Remember Rocky and Bullwinkle? You would probably be that little Russian Boris to my cool a** Rocky. You could never foil me. And I know you'd try. Bastard. Anyway, all of their episodes always had two titles. If this were one of those episodes, the first title would be: Taking it all in Stride. The alternate title would be: F*** you Diary. Huh? Well yeah, the alternate title is really the unspoken title I use daily. Thats why it makes sense to do it. What doesn't make sense is the scale going up the way it did yesterday. I'm not saying I did things perfectly, but I didn't do 2 lbs worth of damage. I'm not going to dwell on it too much because at the end of the day, it was probably water weight. Huh? Also yes, at the end of the day, the day is over. Ha. Yeah, I hate when people say that too. You just have to take it all in stride, which is what I did today. I got out early to get my work out in. Huh? Yes it was before dawn, but it was not a Red Dawn. Idiot. I'm not going to pay attention to you. However, I paid attention to my stride and jogged a little better. I tried to stride right. Um, no or to put it into a language you can understand comrade, nyet. Two things. Thats not how you spell the shoe company and they don't make mens shoes. Yes I checked. Also don't you realize how hard it would be to run in those things? Hard bottoms and such. Look. I don't have time to school you on striding. Huh? Well yeah, that would be because I don't really know all there is to know about it. What I do know is that its time to make use of that alternate title. You little commie f***. Where's the hammer that I use when I'm getting sickle of you? Get it? Of course not. How do you say stupid in Russian?
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
January 18, 2014, 238.8 lbs
Dear Diary,
Its Saturday morning, but that didn't stop me from getting up and getting it in. Huh? What does TLO have to do with this? Oh...I was trying to yell at you, but that was really not a stretch of the imagination to think that I would say that, so I'll give you a pass. What I got in was a morning walk-a-jog-magig. Not really sure what to call it. I'm just doing it. Huh? Why would I have to pay Nike for anything other than shoes? Oh...I wasn't trying to make a Nike pun there, but seeing as how I own about a hundred pairs I could see how you might think that was the case. Another pass for you. Well, anyway I went out for the 5th day in a row and though my time was a little slower than the last couple of days, my distance was longer. And dammit, I feel good... Um...Nothing? The one muthaf***in time I WAS making a pun and you don't notice? That doesn't feel good. A**hole.
Its Saturday morning, but that didn't stop me from getting up and getting it in. Huh? What does TLO have to do with this? Oh...I was trying to yell at you, but that was really not a stretch of the imagination to think that I would say that, so I'll give you a pass. What I got in was a morning walk-a-jog-magig. Not really sure what to call it. I'm just doing it. Huh? Why would I have to pay Nike for anything other than shoes? Oh...I wasn't trying to make a Nike pun there, but seeing as how I own about a hundred pairs I could see how you might think that was the case. Another pass for you. Well, anyway I went out for the 5th day in a row and though my time was a little slower than the last couple of days, my distance was longer. And dammit, I feel good... Um...Nothing? The one muthaf***in time I WAS making a pun and you don't notice? That doesn't feel good. A**hole.
Friday, January 17, 2014
January 17, 2013, 238.4 lbs
Dear Diary,
Woke up late and didn't have time to run. But I did anyway. And yeah I meant run, well really jog. I jogged my first mile and missed my best mile by a few seconds. I had to cut it short though. This is my fourth day in a row going out there, so I'll have to deal with the traffic for getting out a little later. Don't really want to. But I'll do it anyway. Its amazing what you'll do to keep a streak going. Speaking of streaks, what the hell did you do with your hair? You know what?!?! I don't care. Don't have the time to deal with you. Just like I cut my run short, I have to cut this po...
Woke up late and didn't have time to run. But I did anyway. And yeah I meant run, well really jog. I jogged my first mile and missed my best mile by a few seconds. I had to cut it short though. This is my fourth day in a row going out there, so I'll have to deal with the traffic for getting out a little later. Don't really want to. But I'll do it anyway. Its amazing what you'll do to keep a streak going. Speaking of streaks, what the hell did you do with your hair? You know what?!?! I don't care. Don't have the time to deal with you. Just like I cut my run short, I have to cut this po...
Thursday, January 16, 2014
January 16, 2014, 239.0
Dear Diary,
I'm better than Kanye West. Thank yo...Hold up, let me finish! Went out for 3 more miles today and listened to College Dropout. Kanye said Jesus Walks with him. I got him to jog with me. Jogged more than walked today, and it felt good. I still hate jogging, but its less than I hate you. And don't worry about why. I'm still trying to work out my issues. And thats a great segue to my finishing up my walk this morning listening to Kanye's Workout Plan. It was fun, but it was more for the ladies. Maybe since he is hooked up with Kim Kardashian, they can update the work out plan and maybe even release a video. Huh? Oh yeah. She does have a work out video with Ray J. Um, this is awkward... Kanye shrug ---> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm better than Kanye West. Thank yo...Hold up, let me finish! Went out for 3 more miles today and listened to College Dropout. Kanye said Jesus Walks with him. I got him to jog with me. Jogged more than walked today, and it felt good. I still hate jogging, but its less than I hate you. And don't worry about why. I'm still trying to work out my issues. And thats a great segue to my finishing up my walk this morning listening to Kanye's Workout Plan. It was fun, but it was more for the ladies. Maybe since he is hooked up with Kim Kardashian, they can update the work out plan and maybe even release a video. Huh? Oh yeah. She does have a work out video with Ray J. Um, this is awkward... Kanye shrug ---> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
January 15, 2014, 240.1 lbs
Dear Diary,
Today I went for a...What do mean where have I been? Look I don't have time for small talk. I was trying to tell you that I went for a walk and ended up jogging. I was out communing with God in the quiet and darkness of the early morning. Huh? Well yes. Him and Kendrick Lamar, but they are far from the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know Kendrick says a prayer or two on his CD but I wouldn't call it anything close. Just like walking and running aren't the same. I started out walking and I mixed in some jogging. Now you should know that jogging isn't my favorite thing in the world so if I do it, and thats a big if, I do it in small spurts. Now I've been building up over the last few days and each day I jog a little further. But since I still hate it, I have to convince myself to keep going. Huh? Yeah kinda like I have to convince myself to talk to you. Believe me, its a struggle. I will look at light poles and bargain with myself to keep running to the next one if its not too far and I think I can make it. In the dark it works pretty well since the light casts a perfectly straight line that I use for starts and finishes.Well today I was doing pretty well. I kept going past several light poles even though I wanted to quit. When I renewed my commitment to make it to the next light pole, I figured that I made one commitment too many. Didn't think I was gonna be able to keep it. Huh? No you a**. The commitment I made to TLO is safe. That thing is for life. And yes by that I mean as long as she lets me live. I'm pretty sure she wants to kill me for the insurance money, but thats for another day. Today, I thought I was going to give up on that latest commitment, as the path ahead was too dark. I didn't think I could keep running until I reached the next light pole which was too far ahead. It was at the moment that I was ready to stop, that a light pole that I had not seen, that was previously off, turned on and burned bright. I was shocked. I was happy. I was overcome by emotion and full of joy. I was gonna keep running. And I did. It was like Divine Providence. Scratch that. It was Divine Providence. God was with me and helping me to go a little further. Yea, though I walked through the streets of darkness, I shall fear no...What? Ok no, it wasn't a miracle of biblical proportions, but it was big for me. Kinda like Footprints. Ok, no there were not two sets of footprints. Actually there weren't even a single set, so you can prove who was with me. And yes most of the time, the only voice I heard was Kendrick's. You know what?!!? You are a killjoy. Don't mess this up for me. Fine! It wasn'texactly anything like Footprints, but I know it was He who carried me through. It became pretty obvious when that light came on. Huh? Did I keep running the rest of the way after that? Are you crazy? I told you I hate jogging. Idiot.
Today I went for a...What do mean where have I been? Look I don't have time for small talk. I was trying to tell you that I went for a walk and ended up jogging. I was out communing with God in the quiet and darkness of the early morning. Huh? Well yes. Him and Kendrick Lamar, but they are far from the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know Kendrick says a prayer or two on his CD but I wouldn't call it anything close. Just like walking and running aren't the same. I started out walking and I mixed in some jogging. Now you should know that jogging isn't my favorite thing in the world so if I do it, and thats a big if, I do it in small spurts. Now I've been building up over the last few days and each day I jog a little further. But since I still hate it, I have to convince myself to keep going. Huh? Yeah kinda like I have to convince myself to talk to you. Believe me, its a struggle. I will look at light poles and bargain with myself to keep running to the next one if its not too far and I think I can make it. In the dark it works pretty well since the light casts a perfectly straight line that I use for starts and finishes.Well today I was doing pretty well. I kept going past several light poles even though I wanted to quit. When I renewed my commitment to make it to the next light pole, I figured that I made one commitment too many. Didn't think I was gonna be able to keep it. Huh? No you a**. The commitment I made to TLO is safe. That thing is for life. And yes by that I mean as long as she lets me live. I'm pretty sure she wants to kill me for the insurance money, but thats for another day. Today, I thought I was going to give up on that latest commitment, as the path ahead was too dark. I didn't think I could keep running until I reached the next light pole which was too far ahead. It was at the moment that I was ready to stop, that a light pole that I had not seen, that was previously off, turned on and burned bright. I was shocked. I was happy. I was overcome by emotion and full of joy. I was gonna keep running. And I did. It was like Divine Providence. Scratch that. It was Divine Providence. God was with me and helping me to go a little further. Yea, though I walked through the streets of darkness, I shall fear no...What? Ok no, it wasn't a miracle of biblical proportions, but it was big for me. Kinda like Footprints. Ok, no there were not two sets of footprints. Actually there weren't even a single set, so you can prove who was with me. And yes most of the time, the only voice I heard was Kendrick's. You know what?!!? You are a killjoy. Don't mess this up for me. Fine! It wasn't
Sunday, April 21, 2013
April 21, 244.0 lbs
Dear Diary,
Whats up with you? Really? Thats so...shut the f**k up. You know I don't care. Just like I know you don't care about whats been going on with me, but since I'm in charge I'll tell you anyway. Truth is I've been doing just fine. I've been doing what I want because I'm a grown a** man with a wife and 3 kids and a job. So yeah, I do what I want...from about 5 am to 6 am. Generally that means working out. Still hitting the bike and the weights. I've been working on the lower body stuff recently trying to get the whole package together. Huh? Ha yeah, done you worry yourself about that package. I guess I should though. I visited the doctor this week and he said I had tendonitis in my index finger. Huh? Nope, the middle finger is just fine. See? I also had a pain near the package that is none of your business and that was likely from the new found lower body exercises? Hahaha. No it ain't ma taint, but its in the neighborhood. Either way the doc told me to shut it down for a couple of weeks so I slept in this last week. To offset the lack of exercise, I've tried to eat a little better and I've done ok. Could always do better, but again, I'm a grown a** man and I do what I wa... what? OK I have to go. TLO is making me take out the trash...
Whats up with you? Really? Thats so...shut the f**k up. You know I don't care. Just like I know you don't care about whats been going on with me, but since I'm in charge I'll tell you anyway. Truth is I've been doing just fine. I've been doing what I want because I'm a grown a** man with a wife and 3 kids and a job. So yeah, I do what I want...from about 5 am to 6 am. Generally that means working out. Still hitting the bike and the weights. I've been working on the lower body stuff recently trying to get the whole package together. Huh? Ha yeah, done you worry yourself about that package. I guess I should though. I visited the doctor this week and he said I had tendonitis in my index finger. Huh? Nope, the middle finger is just fine. See? I also had a pain near the package that is none of your business and that was likely from the new found lower body exercises? Hahaha. No it ain't ma taint, but its in the neighborhood. Either way the doc told me to shut it down for a couple of weeks so I slept in this last week. To offset the lack of exercise, I've tried to eat a little better and I've done ok. Could always do better, but again, I'm a grown a** man and I do what I wa... what? OK I have to go. TLO is making me take out the trash...
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
December 26, 249.6 lbs, 31.8% BF
Dear Diary,
I am officially fat again. Huh? Well I don't know if I was ever unfat, but I had made so much progress. Even though I wasn't talking to you and don't get me started on that, it was your fault a**hole, I was keeping track of my weight. In this calendar year I have not weighed less than 230. And I haven't been in the 220's for over a year since the surgery. I wish I could blame it on my thyroid, or lack thereof, but I can't. My numbers are right. Huh? No I'm not talking about my weight. You are still as stupid as you were last year. But I'm not as light. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Relatively speaking. I figured I'd rededicate myself after I saw the scale hit 246.6, but the holidays hit and I did what I do best. Eat. And sit. I got worse. I gotta get better. I need to try to end this year the way I rang it in. No! And for the last time I would never sit in a pool of my own vomit. Not someone else's either. You can be such a f***ing jerk. I need to end this year in the 230's. After all the success I had in 2011, I'd have to say 2012 was a f***ing disaster, and it was all my fault. I wish I could blame it on the Mayans. F*** you and them.
I am officially fat again. Huh? Well I don't know if I was ever unfat, but I had made so much progress. Even though I wasn't talking to you and don't get me started on that, it was your fault a**hole, I was keeping track of my weight. In this calendar year I have not weighed less than 230. And I haven't been in the 220's for over a year since the surgery. I wish I could blame it on my thyroid, or lack thereof, but I can't. My numbers are right. Huh? No I'm not talking about my weight. You are still as stupid as you were last year. But I'm not as light. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Relatively speaking. I figured I'd rededicate myself after I saw the scale hit 246.6, but the holidays hit and I did what I do best. Eat. And sit. I got worse. I gotta get better. I need to try to end this year the way I rang it in. No! And for the last time I would never sit in a pool of my own vomit. Not someone else's either. You can be such a f***ing jerk. I need to end this year in the 230's. After all the success I had in 2011, I'd have to say 2012 was a f***ing disaster, and it was all my fault. I wish I could blame it on the Mayans. F*** you and them.
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