Dear Diary,
I've gained weight. I'm sure you'll try to find a way to say that this isn't your fault but it damned sure can't be mine. I spent a week in NYC eating all manner of s**t. Cheesecake, had a steak (actually a steak and a half- the first one they brought me was over cooked. The second was perfection), soul food and a hot dog every time I hit a corner. During that time I gained maybe a pound. I came back home and weighed in at 238 and some change. After little to no weight gain after eating that s**t all over New York, I come home to gain 3 f***ing pounds? In my defense, which technically I should need no defending as this is clearly your fault, I was tired Sunday and Monday I was stuck in an all day meeting with food -- constant food being served all day. It was almost like I was in New York again. Only difference was that I didn't have to walk miles and miles between locat...Huh? I guess all the walking did make a difference, but me not walking yesterday was not my fault. I actually ran a mile in the morning. I would have run more but I didn't have the time. Actually I could run this morning but I'm talking to you. Uh, yeah thats right. I am gonna go, but not before you admit this is all your f***ing fault. Come on. Take some personal responsibility for my life. A**hole.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Monday, June 30, 2014
June 30, 2014, 237.4 lbs
Dear Diary,
Remember how we got started? I decided to challenge myself to eat better. I cut out red meat and some other crap for a month. I wasn't even exercising and I had a wonderful outcome. I lost weight quickly and you came about. Well, one out of two isn't bad. I've been stuck with the weight I didn't lose and your punk a** ever since. I've tried to forget about you many times since b***h. Since things went so swimmingly the first time out I tried to do it again in June. Get rid of weight, and you - twas a noble cause. No red meat for the month and to make it even tougher, I had Meatless Monday's. It was tough the first day, but I got by. Hell, I even started to like Meatless Monday's so well that I expanded it to extra meals when I could. Could I be a vegetarian? Hahaha. Forget about it! Needless to say, it didn't workout as well weight wise; even though I worked out. I put some miles on the books this month before I had to shut it down because of a chronic hamstring injury. Huh? No my leg wasn't smoking again. And what are you talking about again a**? Oh yeah, the time when someone set my leg hair on fire in gym class. How the f*** do you remember tha..? F*** you and f*** him for that. The only good thing about that is that I weighed less. Unfortunately, what I weighed wouldn't have allowed me to give him the a** kicking that he deserved. I can't stand bullies. Now stop talking about that s**t, before I take your lunch money and stuff you back into the locker. Uh...I guess it could be a meat locker...I wasn't using it anyway...um...I know I began this by asking if you remember how we got started, but now I have another question for you. Remember how I was gonna end this? You and your f***ing interruptions... Forget about it.
Remember how we got started? I decided to challenge myself to eat better. I cut out red meat and some other crap for a month. I wasn't even exercising and I had a wonderful outcome. I lost weight quickly and you came about. Well, one out of two isn't bad. I've been stuck with the weight I didn't lose and your punk a** ever since. I've tried to forget about you many times since b***h. Since things went so swimmingly the first time out I tried to do it again in June. Get rid of weight, and you - twas a noble cause. No red meat for the month and to make it even tougher, I had Meatless Monday's. It was tough the first day, but I got by. Hell, I even started to like Meatless Monday's so well that I expanded it to extra meals when I could. Could I be a vegetarian? Hahaha. Forget about it! Needless to say, it didn't workout as well weight wise; even though I worked out. I put some miles on the books this month before I had to shut it down because of a chronic hamstring injury. Huh? No my leg wasn't smoking again. And what are you talking about again a**? Oh yeah, the time when someone set my leg hair on fire in gym class. How the f*** do you remember tha..? F*** you and f*** him for that. The only good thing about that is that I weighed less. Unfortunately, what I weighed wouldn't have allowed me to give him the a** kicking that he deserved. I can't stand bullies. Now stop talking about that s**t, before I take your lunch money and stuff you back into the locker. Uh...I guess it could be a meat locker...I wasn't using it anyway...um...I know I began this by asking if you remember how we got started, but now I have another question for you. Remember how I was gonna end this? You and your f***ing interruptions... Forget about it.
Friday, June 6, 2014
June 6, 2014, 238.5lbs
Dear Scale,
F**k you.
PS. I know the weight went down, but it had nothing to do with you. All I ask is that you be honest and consistent. That way I know I can believe what you say and you can remain in my circle of trust. Huh? I am honest and consistent with you. You know that I honestly hate you and I consistently treat you like s**t. I step on you daily like the scum of the earth you are. You need to be honest. Tell me my correct weight. That s**t doesn't change by the second. I usually step on once and take that as the truth. Today I stepped on again and you went up. I thought to myself, "this is some bulls**t, let me try again." Time after time you slowly crept up like you were just trying to piss me off. Well you did...Aww hell naw. You can't be mad at me for being honest about you having no ability to do your only function in life correctly. With all due respect, and if I'm being honest not much is due, f**king die. I'll just get you new batteries and insult you again. B***h.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
June 5, 2014, 238.8lbs
Dear Diary,
Its been three full days with no beef and limited chicken. Huh? No ass. I don't want beef with you and I'm no chicken. Its not like this is easy. I am a f***ing carnivore. I eat meat with lunch and dinner and sometimes for dessert. This s**t is real. Know what else is real? My disdain for you. Its almost as strong as my desire to reunite with a real sandwich. But just like I can deal with that seething contempt that I have for you I can deal with a f***ing veggie burrito. As long as I'm getting positive results I'm pretty sure I can make it stick. A few days in and the scale has turned in the right direction. Its not like that b***h had any choice. I've ran 6 miles since Tuesday and been eating this rabbit food. I dare a muthaf***a to tell me I'm not skinny. Huh? Yeah I asked for that. Fine. Not yet.
Its been three full days with no beef and limited chicken. Huh? No ass. I don't want beef with you and I'm no chicken. Its not like this is easy. I am a f***ing carnivore. I eat meat with lunch and dinner and sometimes for dessert. This s**t is real. Know what else is real? My disdain for you. Its almost as strong as my desire to reunite with a real sandwich. But just like I can deal with that seething contempt that I have for you I can deal with a f***ing veggie burrito. As long as I'm getting positive results I'm pretty sure I can make it stick. A few days in and the scale has turned in the right direction. Its not like that b***h had any choice. I've ran 6 miles since Tuesday and been eating this rabbit food. I dare a muthaf***a to tell me I'm not skinny. Huh? Yeah I asked for that. Fine. Not yet.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
June 3, 2014, 242.7 lbs
Dear Diary,
Ever since I came back from Chicago, I've been having some problems with the scale. To be specific, its showing numbers that I don't like. Huh? Yeah a**, just like my bank account numbers. I am working on getting to two commas and I'm still pretty far away. Just like I'm pretty far away from my weight goal. Can't say that I even know what it is anymore. I just know it ain't this, so I decided to do something different. Kinda like what got me talking to your punk a** in the first place. I'm taking it back to basics. Ha ha hell naw. I'm not going Paleo. That s**t is basically dumb. Cavemen were fat and are dead. I'll be too if I keep stuffing myself full of delicious ribs and steaks and such. I'm gonna cut out red meat for a while again. And bread. And be a part time vegetarian. Did it yesterday. No meat. Had a veggie burrito from chipotle that had me feeling like a f**king hippie. Then you know what happened? I gained weight. I know what you're thinking and you're right. This is such bulls**t. Oh. You were gonna say that it took more than a day of eating that way to become fat, it'll take more than a day to lose the weight? Thats a great point. I need to do something different AND be patient enough to see results. But, and this is a big but... F**k you Captain Caveman.
PS. Keep the big but joke to yourself
Ever since I came back from Chicago, I've been having some problems with the scale. To be specific, its showing numbers that I don't like. Huh? Yeah a**, just like my bank account numbers. I am working on getting to two commas and I'm still pretty far away. Just like I'm pretty far away from my weight goal. Can't say that I even know what it is anymore. I just know it ain't this, so I decided to do something different. Kinda like what got me talking to your punk a** in the first place. I'm taking it back to basics. Ha ha hell naw. I'm not going Paleo. That s**t is basically dumb. Cavemen were fat and are dead. I'll be too if I keep stuffing myself full of delicious ribs and steaks and such. I'm gonna cut out red meat for a while again. And bread. And be a part time vegetarian. Did it yesterday. No meat. Had a veggie burrito from chipotle that had me feeling like a f**king hippie. Then you know what happened? I gained weight. I know what you're thinking and you're right. This is such bulls**t. Oh. You were gonna say that it took more than a day of eating that way to become fat, it'll take more than a day to lose the weight? Thats a great point. I need to do something different AND be patient enough to see results. But, and this is a big but... F**k you Captain Caveman.
PS. Keep the big but joke to yourself
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
March 26, 2014, 237.2 lbs
Dear Diary,
Today I woke up with one thing on my mind. Huh? Ok you're right. Today I woke up with two things on my mind. I accomplished one of them already. I got my wake up call badge. I did some investigating and found out that I fell short of getting it yesterday by 3 f***ing points. Huh? That is no place for a thats what she said joke. Its not like TLO makes me aware of a scoring system that gets me hooked up. Not like that stanking fuel band app. Its not perfect but it helps track your workouts. Yesterday I came prematurely; to the end of my workout that is. I wasn't gonna let that happen again. I had a plan. Today when it was time to rise, I took my little blue pill...for my thyroid. That gives me the energy I need to keep it up; the running that is. Went another 3 miles this morning. I just kept pounding and pounding and pounding until I came...to 7 am. Thats when the time to earn the badge was over; I had climaxed. I reached my peak. No! I didn't roll over and go back to sleep. What the hell do you think I'm talking about? No a**hole, just no. Huh? That's not what she said! But she didn't say yes either.
Today I woke up with one thing on my mind. Huh? Ok you're right. Today I woke up with two things on my mind. I accomplished one of them already. I got my wake up call badge. I did some investigating and found out that I fell short of getting it yesterday by 3 f***ing points. Huh? That is no place for a thats what she said joke. Its not like TLO makes me aware of a scoring system that gets me hooked up. Not like that stanking fuel band app. Its not perfect but it helps track your workouts. Yesterday I came prematurely; to the end of my workout that is. I wasn't gonna let that happen again. I had a plan. Today when it was time to rise, I took my little blue pill...for my thyroid. That gives me the energy I need to keep it up; the running that is. Went another 3 miles this morning. I just kept pounding and pounding and pounding until I came...to 7 am. Thats when the time to earn the badge was over; I had climaxed. I reached my peak. No! I didn't roll over and go back to sleep. What the hell do you think I'm talking about? No a**hole, just no. Huh? That's not what she said! But she didn't say yes either.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
March 25, 2014, 237.0 lbs
Dear Diary,
I failed.
P.S. F*** you. I didn't mean in that way, but sure I could have been a better friend to you. I just choose not to. I do exactly the bare minimum to maintain whatever this is we have here. I'm not wasting energy and effort that I don't need to to please you. In that sense I'm pretty successful. Economy of effort. I wasn't successful this morning. I was trying to earn a nike fuel badge for early morning activity and came up just short. Don't know exactly how short, but... Dude, there is no room here for a Kevin Hart joke. Well okay. He is short and there is always room for him since he is so small. Funny. It wasn't funny that I went all out to reach that goal and came up short. I mean I ran my best mile and had to come pretty close to my best 5k, but all I felt after finishing was disappointed. I went after a very specific goal, didn't reach it, and can't see the exact results. Its just that I didn't get it. I failed. No wiggle room. No explanation was gonna get me over the line. No gray area. Next time I will make sure I do more than enough. No economy of effort in this situation. Gotta over do it. That was a real wake up call, which appropriately is the name of the badge. Huh? Keep your 2 cents to yourself. You will receive even less effort. A**hole.
I failed.
P.S. F*** you. I didn't mean in that way, but sure I could have been a better friend to you. I just choose not to. I do exactly the bare minimum to maintain whatever this is we have here. I'm not wasting energy and effort that I don't need to to please you. In that sense I'm pretty successful. Economy of effort. I wasn't successful this morning. I was trying to earn a nike fuel badge for early morning activity and came up just short. Don't know exactly how short, but... Dude, there is no room here for a Kevin Hart joke. Well okay. He is short and there is always room for him since he is so small. Funny. It wasn't funny that I went all out to reach that goal and came up short. I mean I ran my best mile and had to come pretty close to my best 5k, but all I felt after finishing was disappointed. I went after a very specific goal, didn't reach it, and can't see the exact results. Its just that I didn't get it. I failed. No wiggle room. No explanation was gonna get me over the line. No gray area. Next time I will make sure I do more than enough. No economy of effort in this situation. Gotta over do it. That was a real wake up call, which appropriately is the name of the badge. Huh? Keep your 2 cents to yourself. You will receive even less effort. A**hole.
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