Dear Diary,
Mentally I feel like s**t. Physically I feel fine. Don't feel like talking to you today though. All this talk of feelings is bothering me. Not really feeling it. I'm pretty sure you don't give a f*** either way. I know I don't. F*** you.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
May 30, Day 84, Beats me.
Dear Diary,
Holiday weakend. Palm Springs. Long drive. Really windy. Sand storms. Strong drink. Late dinner. Big burger. Garlic fries. Big bill. No scale. Small gym. Archers sweet. F*** you. Dumb b***h. That's all.
PS. Actually, I found a wack a** analog scale in the gym. All I can be sure of is that I weigh less than 250. Maybe. Plus I had to do it fully clothed. I'm sure they'd frown upon my nakedness. And by they'd I mean the hotel staff. There are plenty of guys around here that might encourage it, not that I'm a gay guys cup of tea or anything like that. Do you think gay guys drink tea more than coffee? Actually that's not important. I still left a message for my window into the gay community to get a ruling on that. Also not important, and I didn't know this before I got here but Palm Springs seems like it's some kinda gay Mecca. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's more noticeable than the LBC. But then again Long B. E. A. C. H. Where the hardest gangsters be, is pretty spread out. I don't care either way. I'm just here to enjoy some time with the family and its going great so far.
PSS. As this post script section is much longer than my original message I feel compelled to tell you to f*** off again dips**t.
Holiday weakend. Palm Springs. Long drive. Really windy. Sand storms. Strong drink. Late dinner. Big burger. Garlic fries. Big bill. No scale. Small gym. Archers sweet. F*** you. Dumb b***h. That's all.
PS. Actually, I found a wack a** analog scale in the gym. All I can be sure of is that I weigh less than 250. Maybe. Plus I had to do it fully clothed. I'm sure they'd frown upon my nakedness. And by they'd I mean the hotel staff. There are plenty of guys around here that might encourage it, not that I'm a gay guys cup of tea or anything like that. Do you think gay guys drink tea more than coffee? Actually that's not important. I still left a message for my window into the gay community to get a ruling on that. Also not important, and I didn't know this before I got here but Palm Springs seems like it's some kinda gay Mecca. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's more noticeable than the LBC. But then again Long B. E. A. C. H. Where the hardest gangsters be, is pretty spread out. I don't care either way. I'm just here to enjoy some time with the family and its going great so far.
PSS. As this post script section is much longer than my original message I feel compelled to tell you to f*** off again dips**t.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
May 29, Day 83, 243.2 lbs, 35% bf
Dear Diary,
I've heard it said that "slow, but steady wins the race." Which f***in a**hole said that? It seems like something your dumb a** would say. Have you ever heard of a f***ing sprint? Slow doesn't work so well. After working out in the morning, bike and weights as usual, we did the family races. Clean out your f***in ears. I said races, not racists. We love all people. Being clear, I said people. And you are not people. TLO suggested that she and I start out with a longer distance because she knew it was the way to beat me. And damn, she was right. First time I ever lost to her. I quit at the end. No more will in me. But I got her by a belly in the shorter race. I guess the gut is good for something. Being clear, I still want it gone. All in all it was a great day, well except for that part when I almost died. I should state for the record the losing weight does not mean that you are getting in shape. I made that pretty obvious as I laid on the floor, hoping I didn't black out. If the feeling isn't clear to you I can make it so. Just give me a reason. You feeling froggy Diary? Then jump so I can cut your f***ing legs off.
I've heard it said that "slow, but steady wins the race." Which f***in a**hole said that? It seems like something your dumb a** would say. Have you ever heard of a f***ing sprint? Slow doesn't work so well. After working out in the morning, bike and weights as usual, we did the family races. Clean out your f***in ears. I said races, not racists. We love all people. Being clear, I said people. And you are not people. TLO suggested that she and I start out with a longer distance because she knew it was the way to beat me. And damn, she was right. First time I ever lost to her. I quit at the end. No more will in me. But I got her by a belly in the shorter race. I guess the gut is good for something. Being clear, I still want it gone. All in all it was a great day, well except for that part when I almost died. I should state for the record the losing weight does not mean that you are getting in shape. I made that pretty obvious as I laid on the floor, hoping I didn't black out. If the feeling isn't clear to you I can make it so. Just give me a reason. You feeling froggy Diary? Then jump so I can cut your f***ing legs off.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
May 28, Day 82, 244.2 lbs, 34% bf
Dear Diary,
I'm up this morning riding the bike and watching Soap. This show is wonderful. I never knew how great Benson was. I mean I knew he was funny, but damn! He talked more s**t than I remembered. So much that it seems strangely familiar. But I can't seem to place it. You can't help me out you stupid muthaf***a? I should beat the s**t out of you. You have been and continue to be worthless. See oddly enough, the thing is...I don't actually hate you. I'm not too crazy about you, but I don't hate you. It's not even dislike, not that I like you. Don't get me wrong. I don't like you. But I probably could like you if we didn't hate each other so much. Huh? Oh you saw that episode too? You know that I stole that little diatribe? I wouldn't call it stealing. It's more like fair use. And it explains how I feel I about you. Kinda. Except that I truly hate your punk a**. Keeping me honest and dumb s**t like that. I mean I wouldn't lie to myself. Ok I have before. Like telling myself that the big a** carrot cake that the people were eating across from me at lunch yesterday wouldn't hurt. At least I knew I was lying. But hey. One thing I've never lied about was dusting TLO every time we raced. Today is Lyons Family Race Day 2011. Time to kick some a** and take some...Well I really don't have to take any names since I know them already. Here's an opportunity to see if any of this weight loss helps. You better f***ing hope so.
I'm up this morning riding the bike and watching Soap. This show is wonderful. I never knew how great Benson was. I mean I knew he was funny, but damn! He talked more s**t than I remembered. So much that it seems strangely familiar. But I can't seem to place it. You can't help me out you stupid muthaf***a? I should beat the s**t out of you. You have been and continue to be worthless. See oddly enough, the thing is...I don't actually hate you. I'm not too crazy about you, but I don't hate you. It's not even dislike, not that I like you. Don't get me wrong. I don't like you. But I probably could like you if we didn't hate each other so much. Huh? Oh you saw that episode too? You know that I stole that little diatribe? I wouldn't call it stealing. It's more like fair use. And it explains how I feel I about you. Kinda. Except that I truly hate your punk a**. Keeping me honest and dumb s**t like that. I mean I wouldn't lie to myself. Ok I have before. Like telling myself that the big a** carrot cake that the people were eating across from me at lunch yesterday wouldn't hurt. At least I knew I was lying. But hey. One thing I've never lied about was dusting TLO every time we raced. Today is Lyons Family Race Day 2011. Time to kick some a** and take some...Well I really don't have to take any names since I know them already. Here's an opportunity to see if any of this weight loss helps. You better f***ing hope so.
Friday, May 27, 2011
May 27, Day 81, 244.6 lbs, 31.5% bf
Dear Diary,
I almost let go. I thought I couldn't take things anymore. My weight gain had me down and my face had a frown, so I had a drink and fell asleep. You bastards almost had me. I wasn't feeling it last night. If I was gonna miss my goal, I was gonna do it in style. An icy hot super slide down the chubby pole. Uh. Yeah I see that too. Didn't mean it like that. Let's try again. I was going out in a blaze of glory. No. Not Blades of Glory, but that was a good flick. I tried reverse psychology on myself, but quite honestly confused... myself. So I got up and hit the bike. Twenty miles and some time on the weight bench. I feel guilt if I don't get my workout in. Plus I had to do it. Yesterday I admitted to myself that I was hooked on granola. It was a big step. No exaggeration, I could not love a human baby more than I love this bag of granola. As I continued to pile that s**t into my mouth, I felt the guilt and the sugary taste. It may have been part of the reason for the recent increase. It's hard to stay mentally strong when you know you're f***ing up. Hey! Calm down. I know this is like a gift to you to hear me admit fault, but f*** you as usual. I totally want to cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday... It's coming up... It'll be like your gift to me. It'll cheer me up. Thanks b***h.
I almost let go. I thought I couldn't take things anymore. My weight gain had me down and my face had a frown, so I had a drink and fell asleep. You bastards almost had me. I wasn't feeling it last night. If I was gonna miss my goal, I was gonna do it in style. An icy hot super slide down the chubby pole. Uh. Yeah I see that too. Didn't mean it like that. Let's try again. I was going out in a blaze of glory. No. Not Blades of Glory, but that was a good flick. I tried reverse psychology on myself, but quite honestly confused... myself. So I got up and hit the bike. Twenty miles and some time on the weight bench. I feel guilt if I don't get my workout in. Plus I had to do it. Yesterday I admitted to myself that I was hooked on granola. It was a big step. No exaggeration, I could not love a human baby more than I love this bag of granola. As I continued to pile that s**t into my mouth, I felt the guilt and the sugary taste. It may have been part of the reason for the recent increase. It's hard to stay mentally strong when you know you're f***ing up. Hey! Calm down. I know this is like a gift to you to hear me admit fault, but f*** you as usual. I totally want to cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday... It's coming up... It'll be like your gift to me. It'll cheer me up. Thanks b***h.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
May 26, Day 80, 245 lbs, 31.5% bf
Dear Scale,
F*** you. Maybe you didn't get the message or maybe you don't respond well to intimidation. Can't figure you out. Kinda like you can't figure out peoples weight. I guess we're both failures and idiots. But we can fix this easily and theres no better time to do so. Not sure if you know, but I have a goal to meet in the next 5 days. On top of that, a holiday weakend is coming up. Huh? You've got spell check? Well f*** me. I really thought you were stupid. I mean you don't do much and you're rather inconsistent. Oh no. You can't turn my words back on me. I've been anything but lazy and I've worked out consistently for a couple months now. So now what a**hole? Like I was saying, I've got a goal to reach in the next 5 days. Five pounds. Five million ways to die if you fail me. You should see what I did to that iPhone last night. And I liked it. Just imagine how I'd enjoy ripping you apart. If we don't work together to hit my number, you won't need to imagine. That is all.
F*** you. Maybe you didn't get the message or maybe you don't respond well to intimidation. Can't figure you out. Kinda like you can't figure out peoples weight. I guess we're both failures and idiots. But we can fix this easily and theres no better time to do so. Not sure if you know, but I have a goal to meet in the next 5 days. On top of that, a holiday weakend is coming up. Huh? You've got spell check? Well f*** me. I really thought you were stupid. I mean you don't do much and you're rather inconsistent. Oh no. You can't turn my words back on me. I've been anything but lazy and I've worked out consistently for a couple months now. So now what a**hole? Like I was saying, I've got a goal to reach in the next 5 days. Five pounds. Five million ways to die if you fail me. You should see what I did to that iPhone last night. And I liked it. Just imagine how I'd enjoy ripping you apart. If we don't work together to hit my number, you won't need to imagine. That is all.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
May 25, Day 79, 244.2 lbs, 33.5% bf
Dear Diary,
Me getting mad at you for what the scale says is getting kind of old. But I don't give a f***. It's what I do. And what do you do? Not much really. But what you should do is go f*** the scale up. Piss runs downhill and since you're above the scale in this hierarchy you better start pissing ON him, because you're pissing me OFF. I had a usual day for eating with the exception of having a pretty small dinner. I came back later and had a protein shake and a banana before working out to curb the hunger. So this morning I was really expecting to see a slight decrease and not a slight increase. And yes, I hear you. Its small. But what am I supposed to do? My philosophy is to f*** you up. I'm not insane. In fact, I'm kinda rational. Should I figure out a scale of pissitivity? Half a pound is nothing to be mad at... But what if it happens two days in a row? What about three? Look, I think very deeply and I can't be happy about that outcome. I can't be happy with this either. OK, I get it. I can. Just a few weeks back I was 250. Good point, but I'm not about complacency. I can't be happy where I am because its not where I want to be. And if I can't be happy it must be your fault. If its your fault I'm not happy, you better not be happy. Are you f***ing smiling? I will knock those paper mache teeth out of you muthaf***in mouth. Get mad! Get mad at that scale and knock some damned sense into it, before I get rid of it and make you the bottom of this food chain. I will attack you like you're the body fat that the stupid a** scale can't keep track of and break you down. Cell by f***ing cell until you aren't s**t. You f***ing amoeba.
PS. I don't play around nor do I f around
And you can tell by the bodies that are left around
When some clown jumps up to get beat down
Broken down to his very last compound
See how it sounds? A little unrational
A lot of mc's like to use the word dramatical
Fresh for '88, you suckas
Me getting mad at you for what the scale says is getting kind of old. But I don't give a f***. It's what I do. And what do you do? Not much really. But what you should do is go f*** the scale up. Piss runs downhill and since you're above the scale in this hierarchy you better start pissing ON him, because you're pissing me OFF. I had a usual day for eating with the exception of having a pretty small dinner. I came back later and had a protein shake and a banana before working out to curb the hunger. So this morning I was really expecting to see a slight decrease and not a slight increase. And yes, I hear you. Its small. But what am I supposed to do? My philosophy is to f*** you up. I'm not insane. In fact, I'm kinda rational. Should I figure out a scale of pissitivity? Half a pound is nothing to be mad at... But what if it happens two days in a row? What about three? Look, I think very deeply and I can't be happy about that outcome. I can't be happy with this either. OK, I get it. I can. Just a few weeks back I was 250. Good point, but I'm not about complacency. I can't be happy where I am because its not where I want to be. And if I can't be happy it must be your fault. If its your fault I'm not happy, you better not be happy. Are you f***ing smiling? I will knock those paper mache teeth out of you muthaf***in mouth. Get mad! Get mad at that scale and knock some damned sense into it, before I get rid of it and make you the bottom of this food chain. I will attack you like you're the body fat that the stupid a** scale can't keep track of and break you down. Cell by f***ing cell until you aren't s**t. You f***ing amoeba.
PS. I don't play around nor do I f around
And you can tell by the bodies that are left around
When some clown jumps up to get beat down
Broken down to his very last compound
See how it sounds? A little unrational
A lot of mc's like to use the word dramatical
Fresh for '88, you suckas
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