Dear Diary,
Wow. I've taken this long to talk to you only because I kinda hate you right now. Its been a long day since I hopped on the scale to reveal that bulls**t a** weight it gave me. Look, I said that I knew my body would snap back, but 4 lbs. is pretty much inconceivable. Actually its more like impossible. I didn't consume anywhere near the calories needed to do something like that. My only guess is that its water. Enough water to drown you in if this s**t is still here tomorrow.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
October 6, Day 213, 224.2 lbs, 33.5% bf
Dear Diary,
Yay. Huh? Yeah thats it. Celebration over. I'm sure the body will try to snatch that weight back, but I'll be working my plan. The plan last night was to replace dinner with a protein shake and keep doing what I've been doing. Did 25 miles on the bike while catching up with the boys from Entourage. Also did some push ups and countless sit ups. Huh? Oh you caught that? Nope I didn't keep count of how many I did. It was late. The important thing was that I did them a**. Now get off my back before I... well before I... I've got nothing. You have a wonderful day ok?
PS. I've got it. Before I shoot you with my magic bullet. Ok, yeah its a blender. I understand I can't shoot you with it. But I can shred you to pieces and put you in my next protein shake creation. Don't f*** with me. Thats what I thought. P***y.
PSS. I retract the whole wonderful day s**t I said earlier.
Yay. Huh? Yeah thats it. Celebration over. I'm sure the body will try to snatch that weight back, but I'll be working my plan. The plan last night was to replace dinner with a protein shake and keep doing what I've been doing. Did 25 miles on the bike while catching up with the boys from Entourage. Also did some push ups and countless sit ups. Huh? Oh you caught that? Nope I didn't keep count of how many I did. It was late. The important thing was that I did them a**. Now get off my back before I... well before I... I've got nothing. You have a wonderful day ok?
PS. I've got it. Before I shoot you with my magic bullet. Ok, yeah its a blender. I understand I can't shoot you with it. But I can shred you to pieces and put you in my next protein shake creation. Don't f*** with me. Thats what I thought. P***y.
PSS. I retract the whole wonderful day s**t I said earlier.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
October 5, Day 212, 226.2 lbs, 33.5% bf
Dear Diary,
Can't you just let me have this? F***. Maybe you can tell me what I did wrong yesterday cause for the life of me, I don't know. Protein shake and fruit for breakfast. No issue there. Had Japanese for lunch. Some rolls and a chicken bowl that I didn't finish. Then for dinner I had some fish, rice and vegetables that TLO made. Maybe I had too much rice yesterday. What the f*** ever. My dessert of 27.5 miles on the bike should have helped me out in that area. But nooooo! I had to gain weight. Maybe it was the water. If it was I'll never drink that s**t again. I'm gonna switch to a steady diet of your blood. Huh? Fine. Ok then. Your ink. B***h.
Can't you just let me have this? F***. Maybe you can tell me what I did wrong yesterday cause for the life of me, I don't know. Protein shake and fruit for breakfast. No issue there. Had Japanese for lunch. Some rolls and a chicken bowl that I didn't finish. Then for dinner I had some fish, rice and vegetables that TLO made. Maybe I had too much rice yesterday. What the f*** ever. My dessert of 27.5 miles on the bike should have helped me out in that area. But nooooo! I had to gain weight. Maybe it was the water. If it was I'll never drink that s**t again. I'm gonna switch to a steady diet of your blood. Huh? Fine. Ok then. Your ink. B***h.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
October 4, Day 211, 225.0 lbs, 32.5% bf
Dear Diary,
I put down 350 push ups and about 120 sit ups last night while watching a Monday Night Football game that helped my fantasy team wrap up a last minute comeback win. Huh? Yeah. You don't have one? No it does not make me a nerd. What makes me a nerd is talking to an a**hole like you. If it didn't violate my code I'd kill you like my arms are killing me. That reminds me. I rode 20 miles last night while watching Dexter and his dark passenger. Hmmm. Could you be considered my dark passenger? Huh? How are you gonna answer a question with a question? Well no, TLO is not riding with me. Why do you ask? Oh. Well she is dark and... don't interrupt me. Plus, you don't spell beautiful with two O's and a Y. Oh, yeah. I get your point... Nice.
I put down 350 push ups and about 120 sit ups last night while watching a Monday Night Football game that helped my fantasy team wrap up a last minute comeback win. Huh? Yeah. You don't have one? No it does not make me a nerd. What makes me a nerd is talking to an a**hole like you. If it didn't violate my code I'd kill you like my arms are killing me. That reminds me. I rode 20 miles last night while watching Dexter and his dark passenger. Hmmm. Could you be considered my dark passenger? Huh? How are you gonna answer a question with a question? Well no, TLO is not riding with me. Why do you ask? Oh. Well she is dark and... don't interrupt me. Plus, you don't spell beautiful with two O's and a Y. Oh, yeah. I get your point... Nice.
Monday, October 3, 2011
October 3, Day 210, 225.4 lbs, 34.5% bf
Dear Diary,
I'm not sure exactly what I did yesterday, but I'd like to bottle it up and do it daily for the rest of my life. Or at least until I reach my ideal weight. And yeah, I'm not exactly sure what that is either. But I can tell you for sure that yesterday involved football, chicken, and cake. It also involved putting a dresser together. You can leave that part out of the daily brew, but just know that I could use that stuff today cause I'm closer to my low than I've been in over a month and I don't want to do anything to f***it up. If something does go wrong, rest assured that I will do something to f*** you up.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
October 2, Day 209, 227.6 lbs, 35.5% bf
Dear Scale,
Hows it going? Cool. Thats great. Me? Oh, I'm doing fine. Thanks for giving a f***. Well do you really give a f*** or anything resembling one, cause I can't tell. Yeah I know that my weight went down yesterday. I'm gonna take some credit for that. I ate ok, but I did have a cookie. Huh? I did not cheat. Cookie was not on my 30 day list. Ok fine, you're right. Its fine by the letter of the law, but not the spirit. And if we're being honest here, I didn't just cheat with the cookie, but I had a spiritual fling with another scale. Huh? You can't ask me why...but since you did, I'm sick of your s**t. You can't make up your mind. Am I fat, am I skinny? Ok fine, you've never called me skinny. Hell you continue to call me obese, so I guess we can say you've consistently called me fat, but at what percentage? According to you, I gained 4% bf since yesterday while losing weight. So I actually got fatter. Doesn't matter that I did push ups all day, huh and didn't eat any junk food? OH! Here we go with the cookie again. How long are you gonna hold that over me? I tried to give it away, but noooo, Terri didn't take it. I get no credit for staying away from the Banana Pudding in the fridge either. F***! How do you even calculate body fat anyway? I bet you don't know. I'm waiting... Oh so now you want to be quiet. Fine, but don't say s**t when I replace you.
PS. Don't think I haven't noticed the relatively flat line over the last month and some change. Though I've been to Hawaii and Miami in that time, I fully blame you.
PSS. See you tomorrow.
Hows it going? Cool. Thats great. Me? Oh, I'm doing fine. Thanks for giving a f***. Well do you really give a f*** or anything resembling one, cause I can't tell. Yeah I know that my weight went down yesterday. I'm gonna take some credit for that. I ate ok, but I did have a cookie. Huh? I did not cheat. Cookie was not on my 30 day list. Ok fine, you're right. Its fine by the letter of the law, but not the spirit. And if we're being honest here, I didn't just cheat with the cookie, but I had a spiritual fling with another scale. Huh? You can't ask me why...but since you did, I'm sick of your s**t. You can't make up your mind. Am I fat, am I skinny? Ok fine, you've never called me skinny. Hell you continue to call me obese, so I guess we can say you've consistently called me fat, but at what percentage? According to you, I gained 4% bf since yesterday while losing weight. So I actually got fatter. Doesn't matter that I did push ups all day, huh and didn't eat any junk food? OH! Here we go with the cookie again. How long are you gonna hold that over me? I tried to give it away, but noooo, Terri didn't take it. I get no credit for staying away from the Banana Pudding in the fridge either. F***! How do you even calculate body fat anyway? I bet you don't know. I'm waiting... Oh so now you want to be quiet. Fine, but don't say s**t when I replace you.
PSS. See you tomorrow.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
October 1, Day 208, 229.4 lbs, 31.5% bf
Dear Diary,
I'm not sure why I've been coming at you all late at night for the last couple of days. Huh? No this is not a booty call. I'm married. TLO would have a problem with me cheating on her. Also, yes. You're a book. Your pages are a bit too thin for me. I need something I can grab a hold of and really get in to. You at least gotta have card stock pages and a nice cover to get my attention. I like a weighty book. Speaking of cheating and weight, I saw a scale in Costco that I gave some attention to. I'm convinced the the scale has been lying about my body fat for a while now, but I can't prove it. But I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Huh? No not that kind of grass you a**. Would you put that out? B***h.
I'm not sure why I've been coming at you all late at night for the last couple of days. Huh? No this is not a booty call. I'm married. TLO would have a problem with me cheating on her. Also, yes. You're a book. Your pages are a bit too thin for me. I need something I can grab a hold of and really get in to. You at least gotta have card stock pages and a nice cover to get my attention. I like a weighty book. Speaking of cheating and weight, I saw a scale in Costco that I gave some attention to. I'm convinced the the scale has been lying about my body fat for a while now, but I can't prove it. But I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Huh? No not that kind of grass you a**. Would you put that out? B***h.
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