Dead Diary,
I was talking to my mom yesterday and I'm convinced that 97% of my issues come from my childhood. Mom was great. I had all that I needed and some of what I wanted. I say some of what I wanted because I really wanted sodas and juices and she never gave us any. I always asked about McDonalds. She said she didn't have any McDonalds money. I asked her what the hell she had to do to make some! Needless to say I got in trouble for that so I took it out on you. I didn't tell your b***h a** the real reason I burned your page with a magnifying glass at that time. And for that I apologize, but in my defense I wasn't in touch with my feelings and there was an ant crawling on you. Anyway as soon as I first moved out it was on! Taco Bell, McDonalds, Burger King, Carls Jr... Anywhere I could drive thru that had cheap, but plentiful food with fries and sodas was patronized. What? Don't you patronize me you silly f***er. I still know where that magnifying glass is and I've perfected my torture techniques. I've been itching to waterboard your a**. Just try me. Anyway, I was 170 when I graduated high school. The freshman 15 became 30 for me because I was an overachiever. I was active though so I didn't grow much more than that until I met TLO and sunk into the comforts of married life. But I must admit I miss the early college nights of watching Beavis and Butthead with my roommate while putting down a 6 pack of powdered raspberry filled hostess donuts and large slurpees. Not sure what he ate while we watched. And that was daily. College was where I perfected my big ass taco. I cooked big stuff to try to achieve economies of scale, which I picked up in one of the Econ classes I met TLO in. And here I am today. Just now getting to the point where I realized all of the damage of my overeating was caused by my mom being cheap. I don't understand why she wasn't rich. We couldn't eat high on the hog. We ate low. But not his balls. That would be nasty and mountain oysters weren't very common in the CPT, though I'm sure my neighbors ate any damn part of the pig they could get their hands on. Just because she raised three kids by herself doesn't mean mom couldn't spring for a combo. Hahaha. I'd never say that... to her face because she taught me to respect others. If you tell her I said it I'll draw and quarter your punk a**.
PS. I can't blame the remaining 3% on her. Cursing isn't a problem for me. It's a pleasure. This kid Brian told me in 3rd grade that I didn't know the art of cursing. I've spent my whole f***ing life perfecting that s**t you motherf***ing b***h. English, French, Spanish. I've risen to the upper echelons of the cursing pantheons. Now bugger off!
PSS. I ate food yesterday. Hopefully not too much.
PSSS. TLO told me I need to sleep more cause it helps with the weight loss. I know she's right but I've been kinda busy. If I gained weight again it's gonna because of lack of sleep. Either that or lack of trail mix to eat during the day to keep the metabolism working all day long. Whatever the reason it's obviously not my fault. Because I can't be held responsible for what I eat and drink or when I sleep. Thats ludicrous.
PSSST. April Fools 255 lbs
No comments:
Post a Comment