Dear Diary,
Tough weekend. Lots of ups and downs. Temptation always is strongest when I am worn down from a long week of work and I want to relax. Donut here, cake there. House parties. But I made it through. Now I'm gonna take a quick trip to Vegas for work. Remember that time we were in Vegas and we painted a little mustache on you so you could gamble? Then I stabbed you at Circus Circus when you hit the jackpot. Your fault. You should have shared. Instead you tried to run away. You know how I found you right? Its a small world. I followed the drip. Your blood looks like ink. Ah, good times. You know how they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? Thats bulls**t, I told everybody how you cried. Plus if I eat my a** off down there, I know you're gonna tell. I can also be sure the weight won't stay there. Its gonna follow my fat a** home. I already know I'm gonna be killing a steak tomorrow night, but I need to figure out how I'm gonna handle myself the rest of the time. With class? Don't make me f*** you up. I'll yank you by your hair and braid your s**t so tight that you'll have to sleep with your eyes open. I can do it. I used to be a muthaf***in boy scout. I had all kinds of merit badges. OK it was like 5 but I am always prepared to f*** you up. Our motto was "be prepared." To be better prepared to not eat myself into oblivion, I'm taking some apples, bananas, water and trail mix with me. A doctor doesn't go into surgery without his tools. And I'm not going to sin city without my virtue. Now I'm not sure how apples are virtuous. They've gotten bad raps throughout history. I mean Eve eats an apple and bam! We're all screwed for life. Then when they say a kid is bad, they call him a bad apple? And you know how they say a bad apple ruins the bunch. Well I've got good apples. The rest of the fruit is good too. So I'm not worried, you f***ing test tube baby. But TLO is. She told me to have fun, but not too much fun. What the f*** does that mean? How am I supposed to determine when I cross the line? Am I to assume that fun and too much fun are like comparing apples and oranges so it will be obvious? I'm just gonna err on the side of caution and do nothing. Of course thats not true douche bag. Well I'll see you later b***h, I'm going to Vegas. Huh? You don't like it when I call you that. Alright ho, I'll be back.
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