Dear Diary,
Another late entry. Huh? Where have I been? Oh. I've been caught up in the rapture. No, no, no. Not that one. But that was funny. Thanks for thinking I was eligible to disappear. With that said, I am trying to make parts of me disappear and I might need some supernatural help if you believe that f***ing scale. But no, I mean I've been listening to Anita Baker...
Caught up in the rapture of love
Nothing else can compare
When I feel the magic of you
The feeling's always new
Caught up in the rapture of you
Huh? You didn't really believe I was singing about you? This is awkward. Hmmm!?! I've got nothing. Also, you didn't really believe it was all going down yesterday did you? Uh, really. This is also awkward. You can't blame me for that. Yes, I know I told you that you were going to hell. I meant eventually. But hey, you thought there was a chance that the world was ending and maybe I took advantage of that. I figured in case the whole Armageddon thing was accurate, I didn't need to worry about my weight. I put down a good meal from Lucille's for lunch. Barbecued chicken, brisket, beans, mashed potatoes, corn and whatever else they put on my plate. Sidebar: I have to stop hanging out at Felicia's gatherings right when I cross the 20 lbs lost mark. Always have a setback. Back to business. It was wonderful living without worry. Then... nothing. Nothing happened yesterday. To celebrate nothing I ate the small remnants of a piece of red velvet cake that TLO had. It was so good it felt sinful. To repent I decided to hit the bike. Got in a good 21 miles while watching Luther. No not Vandross. The show I was telling you about. See you've been so caught up in this end of times madness that you haven't listened to me. F*** it. I lifted some weights and finally went to sleep at 1 am. I was rewarded by the scale telling me that I had gained weight this morning. Wasn't really awkward. Just an uncomfortable silence. F***ing a**hole of a scale had nothing to say for himself. Usually I'd be pissed, but hey, it's not like it's the end of the world, right? I'll kick his a** later.
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