Dear Diary,
F*** yeah! It's Monday!!!! I get to go back to work. I've made it through another weekend. Short nights, parties and marathon church sessions all done. I get a somewhat predictable schedule and my swag back. I think I left it on my desk last week. You gotta be careful with those. You leave it laying around and you might just get swagger jacked. Kinda like Ice Cube used to jack for beats. Huh? An example you ask... I'll give you a few. Ne-Yo jacked Usher a couple years ago to get his singing career started. Really mild case. Lil' Wayne temporarily jacked Jay-Z to get his career back on track on 'Tha Carter'. He gave it back when the album was done. He later usurped T-Pain's swag and shows it to him every once in a while. They currently have a swagger sharing agreement. But the most egregious case of swagger jacking is Trey Songz kidnapping of R. Kelly's to end his career. And by his, I meant R. Kelly. Never has anyone so successfully moved into another persons persona, since that chick in the movie Single White Female. I have information from a reputable source that has confirmed my suspicion that Trey Songz has the R's swag locked in a cage, and drinks a cup of it's blood daily. He will not return it. R. Kelly has no chance of ever getting it back and hasn't been seen since. But be careful, because swagger jacking can be dangerous. I fully expect Songz to get married to an underage girl anytime now. Kinda like your dad, Diary. How is Helen Keller doing anyway? I never knew what they had in common. The Kama Sutra doesn't come in braille, so what does she rub on? You know what? Don't answer that. Moving on. Because of the dangers of swagger jacking, I will be working on my own. No! I will not be jacking myself. Though I do love myself. Much more than I hate you. A**hole.
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