May 3, Day 57, 248 lbs

Dear Diary,
Yesterday I took to the road to visit some friends that experienced a recent loss. Had a good time talking  s**t, being abused by their kids and watching the first half of the Lakers game. I never have a good time hanging out with you. So much guilt involved. Not from me! I'm talking about you a**hole. I have nothing to feel guilty about. Well maybe... Nope. Not even the two cupcakes I ate. I was there comforting loved ones. Don't you think comforters need comfort food? Wow. Didn't think you'd go for that. Thanks. The first was delicious and the taste of the sugar demanded that I take another. Sad to say that I obliged. But the sadness didn't last for long, because right before the Laker game came on I spotted an exercise bike in the corner and got to work. The EBG was rolling. Went 15 miles in a little more than an hour in my shirt and slacks in the middle of my buddies living room. If thats not dedication, I don't know what is. I felt like I was in the old game paperboy with all of the distractions coming at  me. Screaming kids and everything. People coming in and wondering who is this a**hole in a suit, riding a bike. But I rode. Then I hopped in the car and rode off into the sunset. Actually it was already dark, but I needed a better ending. More dramatic. No, I didn't ask for your ideas on how to end it, you f***ing Drama Queen. Not everything is about you. Try thinking about others sometimes. You were? You were trying to help me? You can help me by shutting the f*** up. Anyways, f*** you diary. You could never be as good a friend as I. Believe me, if you could I'd have known by now. Oh are you f***ing serious? Well fine. Why don't you and the scale just go to the movies without me. See if I care. He's stupid anyway.
PS. My buddies wife asked why we didn't greet each other with a hug. I gave a long detailed explanation of the proper man hug, which demands that there is never a full embrace and that certain body parts shall not come into contact with each other, including cheeks and penises. The huggers should always be offset to avoid direct eye contact. It should also take no more than 5 seconds from the initial clasping of the hands, to the speedy push away from the pseudo embrace.
PSS. I also didn't hug him in his time of emotional need, because that would be gay. Not that theres anything wrong with that, but I wanted to give him a sense of normalcy. So I treated him like s**t as usual.
PSSS. Kinda like I treat you a** munch.