Dear Diary,
I hop on the scale most days. I like to think about what I did the previous day and see what effect it had on my big a** belly and face. Cause truthfully that's where all the weight goes. The wife hates it, but I gotta do it any way. I like the feedback. Sometimes I jump off before it's done if I don't like what that muthaf***a says but I hop on nonetheless. Half the time when I have good weight loss it's just water weight I think. I might've gotten that from the wife but I can't recall. Then I have a good weekend eating a certain favorite animal of mine that chews curd, provides milk, and tastes delicious, and my fat a** is fat again along with my belly and face. But damn you diary if that's gonna happen this time. This crap better be real. Otherwise what am I doing this for. This scale better show some real f***ing results or I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna let cooler heads prevail. Even if that cool head has a fat face. For now. But you better watch your back diary. If I gained weight after eating trail mix, a banana, a chicken fajita pita, a bean burrito, and some black eyed peas with turkey yesterday, along with some water and orange juice (over the course of the day I'll tell you) I'm gonna beat the sh*t out of you and that good for nothing scale of mine too, which has held up surprisingly well since I bought it probably 7 + years ago. I've never once changed the batteries. F***. I bet it's going to die now that I said that.
PS. In addition to missing cow flesh, I also miss the cornmeal laden carcass of a catfish nicely chopped into nuggets. Family fish I'll see you soon. The wife also makes a bomb a** catfish sandwich that she should be applauded for. I'm thinking about it too much now. This is gonna be a long day.
PSS. 260.6 lbs you son of a b***h
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