As I've tried to live up to this challenge by giving up some things, I've been awarded with other things. Like an enhanced sense of smell. All those warm cookies and cakes are devastating. An increased sense of sight. I see all of things I'm not supposed to be eating being eaten by others around me. My sense of taste has been so enhanced that I've noticed that turkey clubs from subway taste like sh***y paper from a wack a** diary that shall remain unnamed (But not for long. It's you). My sense of hearing has been enhanced as well, allowing me to hear my boss going to the break room to get his first and second soda of the morning. The cactus cooler in there is probably wondering where I've been as I was the most likely to crack its top and take it for a quick ride down my esophagus. Now I only have the pleasure of cracking you on top of your imaginary head you stupid f***ing diary. What? Diary, yes I know your sense of hearing is so strong you can hear a dog whistle. All you do is listen to peoples problems. Sometimes you even keep their secrets under lock and key. Blah, blah, blah. I get it. I also know the reason why you can hear so well. It's because you're a b***h. Lassie could hear Timmy cry from way down a well. Then he'd go rat Timmy out to his parents. You b***hes are all the same. What if Timmy didn't want to come out? But I digress... And lastly my sense of touch. Not so much enhanced. To tell you the truth it seems to be worse. I can't touch half of the things I'd have had my hands only 13 days ago. Like the great philosopher M.C.Hammerabus said in 1990, "Can't Touch This." I'm being mocked. My enhanced senses are working against me, so I've decided to develop my sixth sense and see dead people or at least people that are dead to me. First in that category is a person that is in the midst of his own challenge. He has done remarkably well by not drinking alcohol. He is aware of my challenge and chose to send me this picture:
I responded by sending him a picture of a Tom Collins. Or should I have sent him a Mint Julep? If you watch the greatest show ever created, Archer, you'll get that. Right? This baby knows what I'm talking about. However, alcoholism is a very serious disease and I was probably wrong for that. But dammit. I'm hungry, so screw you for judging me diary. If you keep f***ing with me, I'll see you soon. With my sixth sense.
PS. Since I took a census of my senses, do I seem senseless?
PSS. I cleared this with the lush.
PSSS. I went to the bathroom while waiting to clear this with the lush and decided to weigh myself again. No change.
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