March 23, Day 16, 256.2 lbs

Dear MFing Diary, 

What's going on? Me? I'm good. It's hump day. I've got over a hump and there are plenty of humps left to get and get over and I'm so f***ing confident. My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps... Say wha? F*** you diary. I may be chubby but I don't have no f***ing lady lumps. Check it out. Where is the love? Why would you even say something like that.  I should have known you were a douche when I found you in the feminine needs section. Wha? It doesn't matter why I was there. You shouldn't be so spiteful. I was having a good day. I didn't even do anything to your punk a**.  I spent yesterday talking to good friends about stuff. Friends that I don't always agree with gave me advice that was agreeable and helpful. Now if they'd only follow my advice on who to vote for.  I talked to friends that knew me when I was skinny and I was reminded that I could be skinny again. Speaking of skinny again I was talking to the lovely one the other day about shedding some pounds heading towards skinny town again. Really? What's your problem today? Yea I know I'm like a million miles from there, sh*t for brains. The point is that I'm going and when I get there I'm gonna take the f***ing city over like I'm the new sheriff in town. I don't want to be the mayor.  You gotta be too skinny for that sh*t, plus you don't get to carry a gun. I'm gonna need it cause once those b***hs find out I'm carrying your punk a** with me the clowning is gonna begin, which reminds me of what I was talking about before I went all wild wild west on your bad cowboy black wearing a**. I was talking about being skinny  and MD3 (the oldest son) said, "you we're skinny?!?!?" My son never knew I was skinny. He's 6 there's a lot of sh*t he doesn't know. Just like you. You stupid f***ing diary. But it still caught me like Boom Boom Pow. Then I said wow. That blew my mind for a minute. I've been chubby all my kids life. And getting chubbier. MD3 is never shy to call it out. Man, that kid lacks the tact filter for sure. No clue where he gets that from. In case you/re not sure thats called sarcasm, diary. But then I was like I got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night. No, diary, there's no particular reason. I just typed out more of the song to make sure you got the point. I'm painting a picture here for you. In any case it was a good night because my cravings have seemed to have changed no thanks to you. When I want sugar, which I really don't unless I'm tempted by seeing something, fruit fills that void. None of that white stuff.  Not cocaine and no I don't have any. I thought you kicked that habit diary. Sugar is the white stuff. I've been told in it's refined state it's basically coke. Please don't try to sniff it diary. I don't have anymore money for rehab again. Also I'm sure you left the program too early. Smacky Brown. Pilbo Baggins.   But enough about you. Don't be selfish, this is my time. Talk to someone who cares about your problems. Don't call me that! What have you done to improve yourself? Nothing so shut your tattered pages the f*** up. Don't try to ruin my high cause imma be, imma be, imma be kicking yo punk a**.