Dear diary,
I need to work on my expectations or I'm gonna be screwed. It's been two weeks and I'm doing OK. I've dropped a couple of pounds and... That's it. I still feel fat. I am still fat. The profile still looks the same. The belly is still dragging in the front. The belt is still getting stressed at the same hole. Why don't I look like a new man after dropping those pounds? I'll tell you why. It's because I can lose this much weight by getting the flu and lying in the bed a few days. At least then I wouldn't be kinda hungry. Trying to do this and maintain the weight loss is a b***h. You know what I'd say next diary but I'm gonna stay serious for a moment. Diary, you're seriously a b***h. I really hate you. I think you're nice and all, but you're getting on my f***ing nerves. Actually diary, I apologize. You did nothing to deserve that last outburst. I'm just a bit emotional right now. A little off balance. I miss sugar in my life. When I first started this giving up beef was my thing. I kept eating burgers all damn day while on the road. Oh yeah. And fries. And sodas. I think the sweets helped me keep my nice disposition. You remember all the good conversations we had. The walks in the park. That time I erased all the nasty sh*t I wrote about you in the bathroom. And on your cover. The time I bought you pages to replace the ones I slowly tore out to torture you because you were being a dipsh*t, so I dipped your sh*t into a shredder while I made you watch? All of those nice times came after eating 5 scoops of cookies n cream the night before. Sweets made me sweet. I've been able to drop them but not without noticing that they're missing. I need my brain to block them out. Blot them from my memory. I'm so glad I didn't do a lap band. One, that sh*t costs too much money. I assume they gotta charge a lot to pay for all of them damn billboards. And two, it would have been a waste of money cause I think my brain would tell me I was hungry even if they belly sent no signal. I keep thinking my brain is riding with me and it's my belly that's screwing with me, but at this moment I'm not sure. If you had a brain you'd know what I was talking about, stupid f***ing diary. The brain has helped me with the will power to get through some things like the pop tarts I was staring at all through yesterday mornings meeting. Or the pastries that my dealer brought in from Panera bread. I sat there and watched people eat the stuff right in front of me and though I wanted, I craved, I desired to grab one I didn't. I've rationalized my way through this decade of fattening to get the things that I wanted, I craved, I desired, I couldn't live without... I've gotta figure this one out. How do I get past these mixed signals. I want to lose weight. I crave to be healthy. I desire to live a long life. I can live without sugar. At least I'm pretty sure I can. I expect to live without it for the next couple of weeks at least. F*** it diary I'm done. I've got sh*t to do.
PS. You should know you've been no help today. I expected more from you. You piece of fermented goat sh*t. See I told you I need to work on those. The expectations, not the cursing. B***h!
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