Maybe I made a mistake. Yesterday I told your punk a** that I understood the slight increase in the numbers on the scale. F***. I even took some responsibility. That didn't mean that it would be acceptable for it to happen again you f***ing douche bag. Yesterday the lovely one left me. Stop cheering you a**hole. She went to Vegas to relax with the ladies. A well deserved break. When I was taking her to the airport, she entered my fly a** minivan (yeah I drive a minivan and its not because I need the room, but the room is a very nice benefit) and inspected my traveling foods. Since I've not been able to find a decent f***ing bag of trail mix to save my life, I've taken to rolling around with some reduced fat wheat thins and some sunflower seeds. She saw the seeds and started shaking her head. She was about to start throwing some salt in my game. Literally. She was talking about the salt content in that bag, which I have to admit was pretty high. Hell, the bag was covered in the s**t. No I didn't say covered in s**t. That would be your cover. And diary again, I apologize for that night. Why would you place yourself so close to the toilet anyway? So after I dropped the wife off the thought occurred to me and I looked up salt and water retention. I wasn't shocked to find what I found. Somewhere along the line I knew this but never really put it together. Salt, sodium or whatever you want to call it makes the body retain water. In some cases its a good thing when it helps prevent dehydration, like in sports drinks. But when you're trying to lose weight while consuming lots of salt, especially while drinking lots of water, it can make things worse. So with that I mind, I set off to try to free myself of the salt that just a few days ago I was not willing to do. But first... I needed to finish my seeds. Then I made my shrimp and wonton soup for lunch. For good effect I went to my three core seasonings. Garlic Salt, Seasoning Salt, and Black Pepper. Yea I know. F*** you. By time I made it to dinner I just had a chicken sandwich and some fruit. Not much salt in that I hoped. Then I hopped on the scale this lovely morning only to find that son of a b***h penalized me for what I had done. It wasn't much but it was enough to make me stomp him where I imagined his nuts would be. Then I ground my foot into the spot and imagined I was a fat Bruce Lee. I guess I could have been Jim Kelly, (No, not the football player you dips**t), but I've been eating a lot of stir fry and rice lately, so imagine that I just told you to go f*** yourself in Chinese. No Diary, I don't give a damn which dialect you choose. Where was I, ah stir fry and rice. F***, maybe I need to cut down on some of the rice too. So faced with increasing weight, I'm gonna go all Black Samurai on my own a** and cut some salt and more carbs out of my life. Either that or mix in some exercise.
Hold on Diary. That may have been a little drastic. I'm gonna have to reconsider that again. One thing I will not reconsider is my daily visit to the scale. It is fun, even if I don't like what he's telling me. Plus I need it to keep me honest and on the right path. So continue to f*** yourself for now, while I consider going on a Rampage!!!!!
PS. Also couldn't do Jim Kelly because I'm going bald. My afro would be pretty weak. It would look a lot less like a mix between Angela Davis and Sweet Lou Dunbar and more like a flat tire.
PSS. Last night I had like three spoons of ice cream since we're being honest here. The lush might think I fell of the wagon, but I just got off for a moment when the wagon stopped in front of my freezer. Then I hopped back on and moved that chuck wagon towards a pear. I wish that damned dog would stop chasing me.
PSSS. When the lovely one left she didn't even tell me what to fix the kids for dinner. I'll feed them something as soon as I figure it out I swear. Gotta go for now. Their screams of hunger are deafening.
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