March 24, Day 17, 257.6 lbs

No greetings, no salutations just f*** you. F*** you and the scale you rode in on. What the f*** diary? I spent all this time trying to eat right, eat better and do the healthy thing avoiding cakes and candies. They were all over the place and I didn't even take a second glance.  I drink water with lemon like Vito on the Sopranos did when he went from fluff to buff. It should be clear that I ate no Johnnycakes.  I had to piss like a f***ing race horse all day and this is how you repay me? I gain weight? Somebody is gonna pay. There Will Be Blood. I'm glad I hopped on the scale before I decided to talk to you today because I might have said something nice to you. I want to know who the f*** is responsible for this transgression because it damn sure isn't me. You better fix this s**t in short order. Noooo, Johnnycakes. I didn't ask for a cook. Go the f*** away. Hell no I don't want your milkshake. Those would fall in the temporarily banned area. Actually if you mean what I think, thats permanently banned in these parts. If I wanted a real milkshake I'd get a loooong straw and take it. Though it would likely have to be a slim fast. Back on point. I didn't eat anything different than I did the last two weeks. So it shouldn't be the food. I damn sure didn't exercise, so this can't be muscle. You better give me an answer! I'm gonna rip out your favorite page, yank out the scales batteries and drop them off in the hood and make you ride the train home with bloody loco.

See if you guys come clean then. Muthaf***as. I should beat you over the head with a bowling pin. I'm finished!

PS. Who do I have to f*** to find a decent f***ing bag of trail mix? Not you Johnnycakes. Who the f*** eats dates and why are they in the halfway decent bags? I'm not a hippie. I am fat. There is a difference. Suck it dates.