June 11, Day 96, 241.8 lbs, 37% bf

Dear Diary,
My 240 lb virginity appears to be very short lived. I just got f***ed! Now tell me who did this to me before I shoot you again!?! It'll be Rihanna's man down in this muthaf***a. Nah, nah, nah!  There is no f***ing way I consumed nearly 7,000 calories without working any off. I had a couple breadsticks at lunch yesterday to go with the chicken, brisket and salad. Not a big deal. Had some wontons for dinner. Very light. Then we went to a party. Where? I was on a boat muthaf***a. Don't you ever forget! I won't. I almost threw up on my nautical themed pashmina afghan. I had a couple tacos. Big f***ing deal. Right? Shut the f*** up. If I want your opinion I'll yank it out of that new bullet hole you have. Now shut your mouth b***h! Stop getting that ink all over the place. If you don't die shortly, you're gonna have a mess to clean up.  But oh yeah... Some taquitos, less than half a  cupcake and one drink.  Pretty sure the calorie count in vodka is low. And to top it all off, a 1:30 am slice of pizza. I was warned not to eat it by TLO and my BGF, but I did it anyway. All that and no workout.  Hmmm... I don't think you lose your virginity when you f*** yourself. So I guess I'm good! You on the other hand, have a bullet inside you. In hindsight, that was wrong of me. Sorry about that!
PS. I'm sure you'll deserve it soon.
PSS. BGF is best gay friend. I saw you looking all puzzled and s**t. Speaking of puzzles, I'm looking for Sudoku. Don't be mad.