Dear Scale,
I should be thanking you. I got up this morning and you told me wonderful things. I weighed in at 237.4 lbs. You hung on 237.2 for a few seconds before jumping up, but hey it's all good. Well it was. I did a few things that should have made me a couple of lbs lighter so I decided to hit the scale again. I usually don't do that. I just go with the first weight I get, but I really wanted to know if that made a quantifiable difference. It did alright. My weight went up! You stupid f***er. What the f*** are you thinking? You want me to get all happy and think I have room to mess up today? I f***in knew it. Are you trying to set me up to fail? Yes!?! Boy are you bold. I have to say I appreciate your honesty though. Well except for the fact that your dumb a** can't tell me what I really weigh. And don't get me started again on the body fat. Hell, I might be 273.4 you dumb f***. So in reality, you're only somewhat honest. But tell me this. Did you and 240's have something going on? Ha! I knew it. Thats why you had her hanging around so long. Shes an easy lover, but you should know that you cant hurry love. I don't think the two of you will make it. It'll be against all odds. If it were up to me I'd give you one more night, but that would mean I'd have to gain weight to make that happen and I'm not up for that. But hey the weakend is here and I do have a dinner with the family tonight, so you never know. Actually I know. I may get wasted though and TLO will have to take me home. Huh? Ok you caught me. I was listening to Phil Collins again on the way to work. So f***in what? Keep f***ing around and giving me the wrong info and I'm gonna humpty dumpty your a**. No one will be able to put you back together again. I wonder if Phil has a song for that. B***h.
PS. Sus-sussudio!
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