'I'm sorry. Huh? It happened again. No, this time I really f***ed up. Seriously, what's wrong with me? I don't even know where to begin.' I guess I can start with yesterday. I was doing good for most of the day and then dinner happened. Met the fam at the Elephant Bar. Which one? It was on Lakewood, but not in Lakewood, not that it matters. Oh!?! You're trying to help me piece together what happened. Cool. It was the dinner party. The whole night. It got out of control... And uh, I gained weight.
Man, I walked in the door and joined my uncle and cousin at the bar. Got a fruity drink. No. I'm pretty sure it didn't have a roofie in it. I should roofie your a**. No telling what the scale will do to you when you're passed out. Hahaha! Huh? Why are you always like that? I'm gonna f*** you up. No I didn't say that. I don't want to f*** on you! Damn. Try to get your prepositions straight for once. You f***ing idiot! I did not proposition you. I thought I was the one that had the hangover?!? Well, I guess that would be overstating it. I just had the one drink. So I had the jungle colada and some appetizers. Yes they were fried. Some shrimp and chicken. That's their perfect state. They should have been born that way. I think Lady Gaga would agree. Damnit. That is how you pronounce her name. F***. You and the scale. Always trying to correct me. I don't need you. Well not really. 'You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when I found you next to those tampons, I knew you were one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Diary joined in later. And 3 months ago, when you introduced me to the scale, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added another d**khead to my wolf pack. Three of us wolves, running around thedesert the house together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine bean burritos and trail mix.' And answers too. Looking for answers. I guess I don't need your help to find them. I had the strawberry shortcake last night after eating the rainbow trout for dinner. Then I got home and fell asleep. No real mystery there. Just fat waiting to happen. I woke up and there It was. Oh that and a tiger. F***, I keep forgetting about the damn tiger! Toodle-ooh, muthaf***as!
Man, I walked in the door and joined my uncle and cousin at the bar. Got a fruity drink. No. I'm pretty sure it didn't have a roofie in it. I should roofie your a**. No telling what the scale will do to you when you're passed out. Hahaha! Huh? Why are you always like that? I'm gonna f*** you up. No I didn't say that. I don't want to f*** on you! Damn. Try to get your prepositions straight for once. You f***ing idiot! I did not proposition you. I thought I was the one that had the hangover?!? Well, I guess that would be overstating it. I just had the one drink. So I had the jungle colada and some appetizers. Yes they were fried. Some shrimp and chicken. That's their perfect state. They should have been born that way. I think Lady Gaga would agree. Damnit. That is how you pronounce her name. F***. You and the scale. Always trying to correct me. I don't need you. Well not really. 'You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when I found you next to those tampons, I knew you were one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Diary joined in later. And 3 months ago, when you introduced me to the scale, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added another d**khead to my wolf pack. Three of us wolves, running around the
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