July 31, Day 146, 233.2 lbs, 35% bf

Dear Diary, 
I've fallen off on getting my real workouts in. I'll hit some sit ups or push ups but I've missed my bike for the last few days. Can't say I'm too happy about that. Time has been my issue. Trying to get things done around the house and a couple of work related social activities have killed my calendar in the last week. Not to mention, the fact that they've added to my waistline. Fortunately I've done enough in some cases to offset the damage, but I'm still digging out of the steak hole from Thursday. I'm only 1.4 lbs off my low, and I'm there without really putting in any work. Don't worry, I know I can't get there by doing nothing. I just have to get up and do something. Last night I couldn't peel myself off the floor to hit the bike. Felt just like old times. I don't like those times. I don't like the pictures from those times either. Actually they are ok. Only because I don't look like that anymore. And that's because I was working out. Thats motivation enough. Time to go H.A.M. again. Forget my housework. The kids are just gonna screw it up anyway. If TLO complains I'm gonna blame you. Then I'll ask if she wants me to be fat again. She'll probably say yeah. Why are you laughing? Shut the f*** up. I'll find the time to beat you.
PS. I miss my endorphins. 

July 30, Day 145, 233.6 lbs, 31% bf

Dear Diary,
So it appears that I had an epiphany yesterday. I was chopping it up with the scale... Huh? Naw. I only wish I had actually chopped the scale up, but no. I am considering it though, and its only because I let it get to me yesterday. I let him ruin my morning when he gave me my weight. I mean come on, going up 3+ lbs in a single night, you'd have been pissed too. Did I know the human head weighs 8 lbs? What the f*** is wrong with you? I'm trying to tell you about my epiphany yesterday and you're being dumb. Plus I've seen people with pretty big heads. Theres no way that all of them can be 8 lbs. I can't believe I let you drag me into this bulls**t. Its not like I'm incapable of small talk, but I really wanted to show you what I learned. No! I will not show you the money! You're starting to piss me off, but don't worry, I'm not gonna do what you all think I'm gonna do, which is, you know, FLIP OUT! That kinda brings me to my epiphany, and before you ask I'm not talking about T-Pain's album. Dammit, shut the f*** up! Yes I'm still gonna flip out, but I'm not gonna let s**t ruin my day. There are things much worse than gaining weight after a nice dinner with friends. At least I got to eat dinner. And yes, a**hole, I have friends. You're just not one of them. Maybe that was a little rough. I love you. You... you complete me. 
PS. Thats not true and you know it.

July 29, Day 144, 235 lbs, 29% bf

Dear Scale,
I don't have to tell you what you told me this morning. Needless to say I was surprised. F*** no, it wasn't pleasant! Huh? Easy come, easy go? You know what. Where the f*** is my screw driver? I know you have it because you just screwed me. Jealousy doesn't look good on you. You don't have to react like this just because I hung out last night and you couldn't come. Yeah I had some fun. Hung with some friends and had a steak, some chicken and couple of beers. What did you have for dinner? Oh. Well foot residue is.... HAHAHAHA! Thats what the f*** you get! Lets be clear. No one likes you. Especially me this morning. Today is starting out to be a really bad day too. But the reality is that I'm breathing and I have money in my bank account so I'm straight. F*** no its not enough, but there is enough there to buy another scale, so get your s**t together before I rip you apart. F***in douchebag.

July 28, Day 143, 231.8 lbs, 36% bf

Dear Diary,
I kinda feel like I'm showing off now. I've got another day of loss under my belt. I hit a new low, which has me high. No not that kind of high dumb**. I don't do that stuff. Crack is wack as Whitney would say. She'd probably tell me that crack is a way to lose weight faster, but the reality is its not sustainable. After I lost my job and my family from being a crackhead, I wouldn't be able to afford anymore of the wonderful weight loss supplement that is crack. I guess I just wouldn't listen to her advice. I'd end up in Heartbreak Hotel. She would also say I'm every woman, but I don't agree with that either. I'm all the man I need. Its not right, but its okay. She's gonna say it anyway. But who cares? I'm high on life right now. I'm feeling good and the only one that could f*** up my grind is me. Maybe Bobby Brown too. He's always f***ing something up. Its his prerogative. Oh well. My H.A.M. time is working out wonderfully. I'm eating well and staying active, even if I didn't make it to the bike the last 2 nights. I was working at the church last night putting together chairs. I was moving. Huh? No grooving. Yes, I wanna dance with somebody (who loves me), but feeling that heat in church just wouldn't be right. Plus I'd have to hold in the little belly I have left to make sure no one thought I was Buddha. After a while I'd exhale (shoop, shoop)...No, not weed smoke dammit! I told you I don't do that stuff. You know what I hate? You. You know what is the greatest love of all? Endorphins. I'm in a better mood and smiling much more of the time now. I feel it. My face is starting to hurt. But in a good way. And I can thank you for it buddy. Well at least part. You're not pedaling or eating better or doing any of the hard work, but I believe in you and me. Every little step I take, you will be there. And you know what? I'm saving all my hate for you. Huh? Yeah. I know. Thats not how the song goes. F*** you.

July 27, Day 142, 232.2 lbs, 35% bf

Dear Diary,
I'm in the middle of my H. A. M. time. Maybe its really the beginning. Either way I got it started. I had company last night but that didn't get in the way of me doing some sit-ups and push ups. What I didn't do last night was hit the bike. I felt like I went S. A. M. in regards to that, but in reality I listened to my body. It was saying to go to sleep. So I did. The body reacted nicely, and gave me a new low so I have to say that I'm happy about that. What I'm not happy about is... Well really nothing. You're getting off easy today. Keep it up and we'll both go H. A. M. Yeah. I see that. That's what she said.

July 26, Day 141, 233.6 lbs, 34.5% bf

Dear Diary,
I fought through the leg pain and decided to hit the bike after getting some Sit ups and push ups in. Figured that if it was gonna hurt, I might as well give it a reason. Just like I tell the kids. "I'll give you a reason to cry." Well I gave myself 10 miles worth of reasons with the EBG. No crying though. The tears may have evaporated with the burnt calories. I also hit a new low. Its not much less than my previous low, but its lower and I hadn't been in this area for a few days, so I'll claim it. I'm getting close enough to 229 that I feel like claiming that too. I'm about to go H.A.M. on this s**t and see if I can get there by next week. Huh? Hard as a Muthaf***a. Damn, do you not listen to the radio? Maybe you should Watch the Throne...

July 25, Day 140, 234.4 lbs, 35.5% bf

Dear Diary,
I'm hurting. I finished with most of my work in the family room yesterday. Just need to put the finishing touches on it. I was moving all over the place to get things done. Except for when TLO was watching. It never failed. I could be doing pushups or putting planks down or measuring or cutting or dancing. She'd walk in to the room every time I laid out to pick up my cell phone. It never failed. I guess the finished floor was proof that I actually did some work. Enough work to cancel out the last piece of Red Velvet Cheesecake in the fridge. Remind me not to buy one of those things just because anymore. If that's not good enough, maybe the fact that I can't walk can be proof. F***. It's like I was doing squats like crazy. You'd think my arms would hurt from all the damn pushups, but nope. It's the damn legs. I'm not as young as I was anymore. But I'm not as fat either. I can't imagine the pain I'd be in if I hadn't been exercising and losing weight for the last few months. Gotta be grateful for the little things. Huh? That's what she said... Shut the f*** up. I'll be happier when I can include my stomach in the little thing group. Don't you f***in say it! A**hole.

July 24, Day 139, 234.4 lbs, 34.5% bf

Dear Diary,
Not much going on on my side. I had a pretty one dimensional day. Ripping up carpet and putting in a wood floor pretty much sums it up. I also got bit by a spider. I may start climbing walls. That may also happen if I don't get some sleep. So, whatever... Got a later start on it than I wanted, but I got started. Thats kinda like this weight loss thing has gone. I should have started a long time ago. Actually I did, but I didn't put my heart or better yet my mind into it. Half a** attempts all over the place. But once I really focused on it, like I focused on the floor after I got a few boards in place, I felt like I was Superman. I was wearing the shirt anyway so it fit. Yes, a**hole, both the name and the shirt. I was on a roll. Damn, a roll sounds good right now. Cinnamon perhaps. Maybe some donuts. Um, no. I need to focus if I'm gonna get this done. That applies to both the weight loss and the floor. I should be done with the floor for the most part today though. Then TLO can reclaim the rest of the house. The weight loss is going to take a little while longer. Funny thing, is I figure I'm about halfway done with both. Didn't get in any cardio to help with the weight loss part yesterday, but I did get in some push ups. About 350. At some point in the Dark (of the) Knight, I decided to drop and do 50 after I completed a row. Only then did I realize I was knocking out the rows pretty fast. Almost too fast. I had to slow down, so I started texting with the Alchy. I'm pretty sure he's still sober, but I can't explain why he still thinks Iron Man 2 was as good a movie as Iron Man. I mean I liked it, but...Huh? You too? Your opinion doesn't matter to me. You liked the Fantastic Four. You lost all credibility with me a long time ago. Your stupidity will be avenged. Maybe next summer when the movie comes out. We'll save that for later though. But today I'm going to have at least a 2 dimensional day. Church then back to the floor. I'll give you another dimension as well. If you keep this stupidity up, I'm going to banish you to the Phantom Zone. Kneel before Zod!

July 23, Day 138, 234.8 lbs, 35% bf

Dear Diary,
Its amazing what a difference a day makes. Thats why it pays not to get too caught up in the headlines. No. A**shole. Nobody is writing anything about me. Ok. Well I can't do anything about the s**t on the bathroom wall so shut the f*** up. I'm just saying. I saw some friends I hadn't seen in a while and they said I was looking great. I got all happy, but kept saying that I had much more work to do. I didn't really buy into the hype, but it is great that someone noticed and cared enough to say so. Especially since I hadn't seen them in 3 months so they couldn't see the slow gradual change that I've been tortured by. I guess tortured is the wrong word. Most of the time I don't notice the change. I still look fat to me. But my clothes fit different and so I know there has been a change. Physically and mentally. I caught a glimpse of a better looking belly the other day, but now I see no sign of that. Just the chubby thing I've known for the last decade. I know its better, but I guess I'm still not satisfied, which is a good thing, because I'm not done. But I am done with you...

July 22, Day 137, 234.2 lbs, 35% bf

Dear Diary,
Long night, but no chance to workout. Slight weight gain, but its really nothing. Ate ok yesterday, so I wasn't worried about much. We'll see what the weakend has in store for me. I'd like to think that I could get back to using the regular spelling, but the truth is I still get weak. In fact there is a red velvet cheesecake slice thats calling my name. Damn. Anyway, I'm planning on putting some laminate flooring in the family room, so there may not be much time to workout with the bike and weights, but I will be working something. And by the looks of it, I'm starting to see some benefits of working out. Though I'm weak in some areas of the mind, I can feel the body getting stronger. I caught a glimpse of my side profile in the mirror and was impressed with the belly. Its far from a thing of beauty, but its even farther from the thing it was in March. And for this I'm grateful. Catch you later dipshidiot! I love that word. Doesn't mean I love you. It couldn't be farther from what I feel.

July 21, Day 136, 233.8 lbs, 34.0% bf

Dear Diary,
Unicorns piss glitter and give leprechauns rides to the other side of the rainbow to bury their pots of gold. Screw that. I was trying to paint a beautiful picture and maybe not make things painful for you but it's not gonna happen. Not that I can't do it, but because I don't want to. If I could dig up Frank he'd tell you that he did things his way. That's what I'm gonna do. No a**hole. I'm not gonna do anything his way. I'm gonna do it my way. It's worked ok so far. Speaking of working I did some last night. I rode the real bike for 7 miles last night through the mean streets of Gardena and Torrance. I say mean streets because they were rough. The sidewalks were in disrepair. It was rough, but I kept it pushing. I wish I knew the conversion rate for real bike miles to exercise bike miles. Maybe it's like the food stamp rate, but who do I ask? Can't ask the scale anything because it doesn't know how to do anything. Dumb f***ing machine. Sugar and spice and everything nice, thats what you are made of of diary... I'll kick you in the nuts if you try to say you aren't.

July 20, Day 135, 234.4 lbs, 34% bf

Dear Diary,

We did it! For real this time. You're my best friend! I love you! Huh? Nothing. We cracked the 30 lbs lost mark. Hopefully to stay. I know I'm losing, but I feel like a winner. I'm the best there is pure and simple. I wake up in the morning and piss excellence. Especially after a night like last night. Actually I didn't do too much last night. I was tired after I got home and only did about half my planned workout. Ten miles with the EBG and some sit ups. Then I fell asleep on the floor. Huh? With all due respect, you can shut the f*** up. What? I said with all due respect? Look. I did enough to offset the piece of red velvet cheesecake that I threw down yesterday and lost some. I got under 235 for real this time. Now I just need to have a good day to lock it in. Wow. You and the scale have really been ok with me the last few days.  I'm so proud of you boys. So precocious and full of wonderment. Huh? Don't you ever say that you love me again. Bury it deep down in there. And never bring it up again. 

PS. You sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth. 

July 19, Day 134, 236.2 lbs, 31% bf

Dear Diary,
I'm loving summer so far. Gotta say I love my boss too. Because he made a change in my territory I'm able to get home to my kids and TLO sooner. I got to put together a little bike seat for the baby and take him out for a ride at the end of the day. He only lasted for a mile or so, but I know he enjoyed it before he fell out. No. Not out of the bike you dumb f***. He fell asleep. You just don't get it. Well, ok. I see how you could have come to believe that I meant it the other way, but you're still stupid. Maybe I am too. I ended up doing 4 miles on the real bike and another 20 on the exercise bike. The stupid part comes in with me buying this big a** cheesecake for TLO. I tried to buy the smaller one, but they didn't have it in stock. They gave me a discount on half of the larger one. That's when the part of me that's always looking for a deal kicked in. I said hell yeah. I got that home and shared a slice with TLO, then stared at 5 more big a** slices in the box. I'd say I don't know what I was thinking but I did. I'm gonna eat that f***ing cheesecake. Huh? What kind? Red velvet cheesecake. Don't interrupt me again or I'll bust you upside the head until the white paper shows. Now where was I? Oh yeah. Eating that sweet f***ing cheesecake. And I'm gonna work my a** off to do it.  That time that I used to spend stuck on the freeway is going to be put to good use. Me, momma, Monica, Mike, and Myles are gonna ride out. It'll be great. Plus, I'm not scared of no muthaf***in dessert! I'll pull out my fork and this whole damn room will get dark. Kick it!

July 18, Day 133, 236.0 lbs, 35.0% bf

Dear Diary,
O. S. I. M! Oh you don't get that?! Oh s**t it's Monday. Made it through another weakend. The scale lied. I drank. I ate. I did domestic maintenance. I did so many things I didn't really get a chance to workout like I wanted. But I came through it ok. I even celebrated the 50th anniversary of Weinerschitzel with $0.61 chili dogs. I bought 4 last night but limited myself to eating 2. Then I started thinking. I've been happy with them because they are only 300 calories each. I can eat 2 and get full with less guilt. But then I started thinking that the Big Mac is only 540 calories. I can eat one one those and be better off. And both of those are fewer calories than my 2 bean burritos from Taco Bell. But it doesn't work like that. Fewer calories don't mean healthy. I can't fall back into the fast food f*** ups again. I need to keep that in mind, but I have two chili dogs to finish first. 

July 17, Day 132, 237 lbs, 35.5% bf

Dear Diary, 
I know I partied yesterday, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't that hard. Yeah I had a gang of tacos and a couple cups of some drank. F***in street tacos. Ten seconds of joy, 30 years of misery. And? It wasn't enough to hit the numbers I'm seeing this morning. That s**ts damn near impossible. The only thing I can really see as a possible explanation of all of this is that the 233 was a lie. I happily accepted it though I was kinda leery about it from the start. But why tell the truth today? It's Sunday? Why do you care? You know what? I don't care. Just keep telling me what I need to hear. Hopefully it's the truth. Naw, I'm lying. Ok, I'll settle for true lies. Just keep telling me I'm getting smaller, or I'm gonna have to kill you. Have I killed people before? Yeah, but they were all bad. Now I've never really celebrated it before, but I'm gonna party hard on your grave. I'm already working on my dance moves. You've seen Thriller, right?

July 16, Day 131, 233.8 lbs, 35.5 bf

Dear Diary,
What a good f***ing morning it is. It was a good night too. Hung out with the fam, played some games with the kids, had a chili dog and some pizza, and some ice cream. Visited my mom for a minute and went to sleep. I even got to sleep in my own bed. I'm usually to tired after a workout to take a shower so I don't get in the bed, lest I get a dirty look from TLO in the morning. No, not that kind of dirty look. Those are always welcome. I was supposed to catch some early morning golf today, but had to reschedule. That left me plenty of time for the EBG. It would have been a great time to take out the real bike, but I keep forgetting to buy a lock. Anyway, I wrapped up my M. Night fortnight with The Village and started another flick that took me to 30 miles this morning in just slightly over two  hours. Yup. So in the last week I rode over 115 miles with the EBG. And yes I know its not as hard as a real bike, but f*** you on this great f***ing morning. Here's to hoping that I don't screw this number up this afternoon. I'm going to a party. Uh, no. You're not invited. F***ing douche.

July 15, Day 130, 235.8 lbs, 34% bf

Dear Diary, 
I'm the same weight again. I'm not gonna complain. I mean I only rode 25 miles on the bike. I'm not gonna complain. Heck I only did 100 sit ups. I'm not gonna complain. Only hit about 130 push ups. But hey, I'm not gonna complain, because I did the three chili dog thing again. They're only 300 calories each so who cares. I'm not complaining anyway, right!? Uh f*** that. Yes I am. I've ridden. Over 85 miles in the last 4 nights. You don't think that should get me a little something off the total? You're an a**hole. And not the good kind either. But hey, there are worst places to be stuck, right? Heck.  I'm not gonna complain. 

July 14, Day 129, 235.8 lbs, 34% bf

Dear Diary,
I was too tired to ride more than 45 minutes on the bike last night. I was falling asleep so I didn't finish the workout or the movie Signs. I decided that I needed to heed the signs that were presenting themselves to me. But not before dropping to do my push ups. I made it to 100 straight. I was literally floored by my success. So much so that I then fell asleep on the living room floor. I need the rest. I've been working my a** off lately, but not my stomach. When I hit the scale this morning I weighed the same, but had magically increased my body fat by 1.5%. It figures. Well actually it doesn't. Only in the math deficient world of that dumb f***ing scale.

July 13, Day 128, 235.8 lbs, 32.5% bf

Dear Diary,
I had such a good ride while watching The Sixth Sense the night before that I decided to make it a whole M. Night Shyamalan week. I think I have enough of his movies that didn't suck to make it through the week. So I hit his second flick. Unbreakable. It's about a regular guy that discovers he is a superhero. So basically my life story. His weakness was water. Mine is, excuse me, was sugar. I'm over that now. Now, this was  not as good as his first, but still a pretty damn good one. Kinda like my entries in you. Uh. Not like that. Why do you always think like that? I've never entered you like that. That would be wrong and just about impossible. Huh? You're f***in kidding me. I know I was drunk, but I couldn't have been that drunk, but that would explain the paper cuts. Uh, sorry? Damn. Where was I? No! I was not up in you! You've gotta stop this or I won't be able to tell you I rode another 25 miles with the EBG last night, got in a few reps on the weight bench, hit some sit ups and got to 80 push ups straight before tapping out. I think that only happened because I realized I was at 80. My mental stop block used to be 50, but I got past that. I think I could reach 100 without killing myself.  My stop block on sit ups is 30 straight. I'm gonna work on moving that to 50 soon. Maybe I just got inspired to be a superhero because of the movie or because of this bible study series that's going on right now, Supernatural.  Not that those are superhero  numbers, but I'm starting to feel like I can fly again and I know that I'm not doing it under my own power, though dumb strength is helpful. Hmmm,  I'd actually need to lose much more weight before I could take flight. I'll just work on trying to dunk a basketball. That would be super enough for me.  Soopamike will rise again!

July 12, Day 127, 237.2 lbs, 28.5% bf

Dear Diary,
I was planning on telling you about how I hopped on the exercise bike and road for 25 miles last night while watching The Sixth Sense. Then I was gonna complain about not losing much weight. I was gonna tell a joke and say that you'd get it later and then tie it back to something else saying I better get my weight loss later for the work I did, but not too much later or I'd be pissed. I was gonna do all of that. Then I went to wash my hands this morning and my wedding band fell off in the sink as I was drying my hands. Wow. When I got this thing nearly 6 years ago, it fit almost perfect. I was thinking about losing weight then and I was saying that I'd have to get it cut down. Time passed, my weight increased and the ring only got tighter. I was discouraged by the thought that I'd have to get it stretched because I could no longer fit it without lubing up the finger. Even when I got it on, there was no guarantee I'd get it off. And I had to take it off at night because there was a huge chance that I'd swell up overnight and it would be stuck forever. I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with the ice cream I'd eat in the middle of the night while sitting in front of the boob tube. This s**t has me floored. Oh that reminds me. I was supposed to curse you out too. I don't have it in me today. I'm just a kinda chubby ball of happiness today. If I keep this up, which I will, I'm gonna finally get this ring cut down. While I'm at it I need to take in some of my slacks. I'm starting to look sloppy with all of this extra material in my waist line. Catch you later b***h!
PS. Sorry, couldn't help it. Plus that's the reality of it. When did you get those legs anyway? You some kinda coffee table book?

July 11, Day 126, 237.4 lbs, 32% bf

Dear Diary and Scale, 
So I hit a new low yesterday. I was very happy with that. So happy that I went and f***ed it all up. Huh? I deserved it. Well I didn't mean it like that d**kheads. It was a celebration b***hes! I meant that I deserved a treat for my hard work. But believe me, I didn't mean to have it add on like this. I had every intention to work it off. Good intentions? Of course! The road to Hell is paved with them? Are you guys working together against me? Unity?You know what? F*** you. I mean it was sinfully good, but I'll burn you like I should have burned calories before I let you send me there. And yes, I said SHOULD have burned calories. I was gonna hit the bike for a couple of quality hours, but I had errands to run after a long day of investing time in my family. Then I invested some money in my kids in the form of tuition. No I will not invest anything in you. That's like throwing good money after... Hell, you're not even good enough to be called bad money. Let's just say you're a poor investment. After almost falling asleep at the computer I decided to get up and clean the kitchen, scratch that- wash the dishes, and take out the trash somewhere after midnight. I figured since I was burning the midnight oil I might as well burn some calories too. I danced while cleaning hoping it would help out. I threw in some sit ups for good measure as well. All to get to this. An increase. Oh well. At least the cake was worth it. Huh? Increase had nothing to do with you. I'm not giving you anymore cash. I shoulda never gave you ****** money! F*** yo couch!

July 10, Day 125, 236.4 lbs, 30.5% bf

Dear Diary,
Thats what I'm talking about. Another decrease. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the numbers come up, or should I say go down, both on the weight and the body fat. Now we know I don't trust the scale in the least, but I'm gonna take these numbers and run with them. Huh? Uh, nope. I didn't do any running with anything yesterday. Just some early morning golf and a well placed nap. No. It wasn't because of a concussion. I made it through yesterdays round without any clubs to the dome. Got out of there, got some good food in me and eventually took the kids swimming. No. I didn't drop the kids off at the pool, I actually took them in. Oh? Hahaha, yeah I did drop them off. Those are different kids though. My little nameless brown babies. Conceived and delivered by me. That's funny. Good work. That's what I'm talkin about! Apparently that's all I was talking about, because I don't have much else to say to you. Peace out b***h!

July 9, Day 124, 237.8 lbs, 35% bf

Dear Diary, 

I'm glad to be in the 230's, don't get me wrong. I'm just tired of being on the wrong end of it. There's been a couple of points where I thought I was ready to hit 235, but nooo. I feel like I'm running in place. Huh? Yeah, that's funny. At least I'm running. Whatever b***h. It just feels like I'm at the end of what my body wants to do, but I'm not sure. 

My minds telling me no, but my body, my body is telling me yes. Now I don't wanna hurt my belly, but theres something that I must confess... I do not give a f***, what my f***in belly wants. I do not give a f***. 

See it thinks it knows what it wants, but I know what it needs, so I'm gonna shrink this f***in belly. I'm not fooling around with you, belly this time its true, and you are gonna eat healthy. See you need someone, someone like me to give you the exercise, and food you need. 


Now I don't see nothing wrong, with a burger and some fries, but they will go to your thighs. Yes there is something wrong, if you're eating that s**t all the time, cause you will go up in size. 

And I don't want to so go f*** yourself belly.

July 8, Day 123, 238.4 lbs, 35% bf

Dear Diary,
Water is a conundrum. Its good for you and helps with weight loss but if you have too much it will f*** you over. I've tried to watch it, but it keeps getting me. I'm pretty sure yesterday's gain was all water. I made the mistake of eating pho for dinner. It's pretty deceiving. You think it's all light, then bam! It's sitting in the bottom of your stomach like a f***in brick. The noodles suck up all that liquid. Kinda like you. You blow.

July 7, Day 122, 237.6 lbs, 33.5% bf

Dear Diary,
All is clear. Not that you care or even know what I'm talking about. I went to the doctor to get a good looking at to make sure the golf club did no real damage. The doctor did a CT scan and found nothing. No I mean they literally found nothing between my ears. Amazing that I've functioned this long. Oh really? You knew that all along? F*** you. You can easily be replaced. I'll buy another diary in a minute. Badtz Maru this time. No more Hello Kitty for me. Speaking of buying something new, I picked up a bike that I've had my eye on for a bit. I first saw it in the parking lot at Costco and fell in love with it. Did some searching and found it. Now it wont replace the exercise bike like a dirty, half used post it note would serve as a more than acceptable replacement for you, but it will compliment the time I spend with the EBG. I took The General out for a spin last night. My first thought was WTF. I hadn't ridden a real bike in so long I forgot the feel of those things. I forgot that you actually have to pedal hard enough to propel your actual weight. You have to turn, go up hills, come down hills and actually use brakes. There is wind and all kind of crap you need to deal with. And though I pedaled my a** off the whole time I rode, I couldn't match the pace, distance or total time I usually get in the garage. Plus the whole lack of a TV to watch while I rode was a real downer. But I loved it. Time to take it to the beach. I'm gonna ride with TLO. And the kids. And Katy Stine. The EBG  RBG (Real Bike Gang. You know you're dumb. And I'm supposed to be the one without a brain) will ride! I was gonna say again, but we've never rode as a gang before. I think I'm gonna need a new logo.
PS. You can't come.

My two bikes...

July 6, Day 121, 237.2 lbs, 34.5% bf

Dear Diary,
Today, I have more in common with Tiger Woods. Would you like to take a guess? Cool, go. Ok yeah, both of us like red shirts. Yup we both are also named after big cats. And yes, we both love the ladies. That gets you a little closer to our new thing in common. Nope. I've never won a major. You know that a**hole. You'll never guess so I'll just tell you. We both got hit upside the head with golf clubs. Huh? That's what you were gonna say? Damn. Before you ask it had nothing to do with the ladies and it wasn't TLO. You're good though. But I don't care. I think the give a f*** part of my mind has been damaged, if it ever existed. All I was trying to do was get in some exercise on the course yesterday. I got it and I learned a lesson. Never stand behind someone holding a golf club. At least I got some lunch out of it. Actually, I probably would have gotten the lunch anyway. Catfish from Johnny Rebs. Excellent as usual, but it was enough to eat for both lunch and dinner. So I did. But to tell the truth, I'd rather have paid for lunch and not taken the blow to the head. But, it was my fault. Huh? You've been waiting to hear me say those words? Well, I could have a pocket full of f***s and I still wouldn't give one. Now go f*** yourself before I demonstrate how it happened on you.

July 5, Day 120, 237.6 lbs, 36% bf

Dear Diary,
Yesterday I did sit ups, push ups, jumped rope, watched American Chopper and ate low fat ice cream with the family. What did you do? Nothing? You know why? Because people hate you. Catch you later...

July 4, Day 119, 238.4 lbs, 36% bf

Dear Diary, 
Went out last night with TLO and some friends to see a comedy show, which was great because I could use a laugh. Huh? Well yeah, I do laugh AT you, but generally not with you, but who could blame me. You're a silly little a** hole. Yeah, I get it. I'm a big a**hole. Some have even said I'm the whole a**. But in my defense, I'd say that I'm much less of an a**hole, because there is much less of me than there was awhile ago, which is a great thing. Another great thing is the occasional slice of cheesecake. It's even better when it's free. After having some free cheesecake last night, I felt little guilt since I had eaten well and exercised some for the day. But, I also felt the  need to do some middle of the night sit ups that had nothing to do with guilt, and everything with responsibility. I like that feeling. Before I never felt responsible for keeping myself healthy or in shape. I do now and it shapes how I do everything. And I mean everything. I feel a responsibility to treat you like s**t. Kinda like you look. No I don't look like s**t. I just used to. I looked back at some pics I took over a year ago, before I got as bad as I ultimately became. I did some comparison shots and the difference was as huge as I was in the original shots. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go, but I see a huge difference. The hot dog on the back of my head has even gone down. Speaking of hot dogs, it's the 4th of July, so it's time to eat some. Gotta go b***h! If you f*** with me today, I'm gonna put another M80 in your cover and tape you shut. Again. 

July 3, Day 118, 238.2 lbs, 34% bf

Dear Diary, 
Ahhh. Sunday morning. Sun shining. Birds chirping. I'm below 240 again. Seems like all is right with the world. I stayed active yesterday. A couple of rides with the EBG. Did a little swimming. Did a lot of eating, but decent stuff. TLO hooked up the grill yesterday and made me some fish. Put that down amongst other things including a couple of biscuits from KFC. Had the 43rd best moscato in the greater Gardena area. How much did it cost? What kind of question is that? As far as I'm concerned it was free.99. Now shut the f*** up. Where was I? Oh yeah. Caught a good nights rest and got in a short workout this morning. I'm feeling good and looking forward to having a wonderful day and working off more of this weight. Nothing could ruin this for me. Peac... F***, its hot. I didn't think black people got sun burn. What kinda s**t is this? Oh no! What the f*** is that? Is that a f***ing pigeon s**tting on my car.  You piece of s**t sky rat. Get the f*** away from here.  Oh yeah, sorry... I just hate those things. They remind me of... Well...they remind me of you. Annoying little a**holes, that spread s**t everywhere. Speaking of spreading s**t, can you rub this on my back? What the f*** does SPF mean anyway? Thanks. So where was I? Oh yeah. Have a great day buddy!

July 2, Day 117 , 240.4 lbs, 36.5% bf

Dear Diary, 

I need a f***in win. This is getting depressing. I know that I said I wouldn't get depressed over this just yesterday, but f***. What is this, the third or fourth day without any decrease? And it's happening no matter what I do. I ate right yesterday. Subway breakfast sandwich with egg whites and vegetables, salmon and brown rice for lunch, and some chicken pho for dinner. Well maybe the pho was kinda right. It was good going down, but those noodles must have started expanding and I felt like I just drank a gallon of water. The itis was setting in, but I got up and rode the bike for 12 miles. I fell asleep and hopped right back on for another 8 miles first thing this morning. I'd have gone more, but the baby got to me. Starvation is not the answer, but food is the last thing I want to think about now and at this very moment TLO is talking to me about making a cake. Now shes talking about all of the restaurants that are gonna be close to our hotel when we get to Hawaii. After what happened with just a few days in Vegas, I'm worried about all kinds of vacation eating. And that shouldn't be the case. Aww s**t. Now she's talking about food for some potluck that I'll be lucky to survive. This feels like a comedy of errors.  Huh? I appreciate the encouragement, but I don't care how far I've come from the start. I care about how this last week has been a complete clusterf**k. I usually think of my life as a TV show and if I keep that thought going I may be ok. The show starts off kinda laying out the issue.  The TV show goes on to show progress being made in resolving said issue and that things are going well. Then all the sudden the f***in bottom falls out. That's with about 10 minutes left in the hour. The last few minutes usually have things wrapping up nicely, unless the episode is to be continued and you are left in a f***ed up position until next week. And don't let it be a season finale. You can be screwed for months. Well, my issue is that I was getting way too fat. I made some progress and gotten rid of the 'way'. Currently I'm just too fat. And now the bottom is falling out. I'm definitely not winning now. I feel like a loser, and not the weight loss kind. Tell DJ Khaled to shut the f*** up.

Actually, I do have something in common with that song, even though I'm not winning at the moment. All that f***ing up, down, up, down, up. But hell, I just wanna be down. Here's to hoping this is just another early season episode and I get this resolved in the next few minutes, before I lose my resolve. I can't deal with a to be continued, which brings my to my next point. To be continued...

PS. I don't give a f*** how that makes you feel Diary. Today is all about me and my s**tty feelings.

PSS. Now that I'm looking at the chart, I'm pretty sure I've seen this episode before. Looks like a rerun. 

July 1, Day 116, 240.0 lbs, 33.5%

Dear Diary, 
It wasn't a fluke. I still weigh 240. The last 2 mornings I rode the bike for about 10 miles, and hit the floor for some sit ups. They are making a difference. My core is feeling stronger. But I gotta admit, it's kinda depressing to see how quick you can gain weight off some bulls**t. About three weeks to get down from 240, and three days to return. F***. Vegas has a way of f***ing things up. If only I could lose weight like money. Stop f***ing laughing before I lose you. Carrying you is like carrying dead weight. Huh? Nothing? Glad you got the message.   I've lost weight quickly before, but nothing is like gaining. At least for me.  I say kinda depressing, because it might get to someone else. Not I. Not now. I looked in the pics on my phone and found a pic from new years day. I don't remember what I weighed at the time, but I see a huge difference. TLO sees it too. She even made fun of me for tucking a small part of my shirt. She said I hadn't been a tucker in a while. Huh? I said tucker. You really gotta do something about your hearing. Listen to this. Tuck you. Batch!