June 19, Day 22, 242.0 lbs

Dear Diary,
Happy Juneteenth! Freedom from slavery is a wonderful thing. I'm trying to be free from the crap that shackles me. Its getting pretty annoying to work my a** off (and before you ask, no, not literally) all week and then end up in the same place or worse after a brief f*** up. I feel like I work all week to escape from the plantation, but I keep getting tracked down and put right back in my chains. And don't get me wrong, though I'd love to blame this one you, I know this is my own doing. I also know I'm the only that can set me free. Huh? No. I am not the master of my own domain. Thats something else entirely. And yeah, actually I am.

June 18, Day 21, 242.6 lbs

Dear Diary,
So three weeks in to my comeback I weigh more than when I started. I haven't even compared this to last year, but this sucks even compared to last week. I spent this past weekend hanging with some buddies drinking, smoking cigars, talking s**t and eating. Yeah, I know. The f***ing life. But life isn't grand when it causes you to tip the scales like this. I'm still on the workout tip, but I have to hit it harder. I'm convinced that my body is working against me right now with all of the cravings and the retaining of the crap I put into it. I didn't mean for that s**t to stay! That whole junk in junk out saying doesn't really apply to diets. F***ing charcuterie.

June 14, Day 17, 240.8 lbs

Dear Diary,
Yesterday was my first day of eating and no kind of exercise in a while, and I paid for it. Huh. Yeah a**. I always pay for my meals. I was talking figuratively. Huh? No, I'm actually talking. Figuratively is... You know what? Shut the f*** up idiot. I'd stuff a crepe in your mouth if you had one. Hell if I had one for that matter. Huh? No a**hole. I had a mouth. I'm talking about a crepe. I do see how that could be confusing, but damn. You remain an idiot. I guess I could be an idiot myself, but I'm not. You are an idiot because you do idiotic things. I on the other hand make smart decisions because I can see the desired outcome of them. I knew that eating that crepe carbona and the bolero last night was gonna tip the scales, so no surprise there. I did it anyway; even though I knew I wasn't gonna get a work out in. Huh? Yeah. That does sound pretty idiotic. F***.

June 12, Day 15, 238.8 lbs

Dear Diary,
I f***ing hate treadmills. It's like you're going nowhere fast. Running in place is a waste of f***ing time. Huh? Ok fine it can help you lose weight, but it feels like I'm not going anywhere. Huh? Well yeah I know thats the point, but...f***k you. I wasn't on a treadmill anyway. My point is that my weight loss feels like a treadmill. I'm doing a bunch of s**t but not getting anywhere. Just spinning my damn wheels. I know that if I get to a place where I can gain some traction I'm gonna take off, but until then I guess I'll just stay here and insult you. F***ing douchebag.

June 11, Day 14, 239.0 lbs

Dear Dairy,
Huh?? F*** I know I took a few days off. Just from you though. I've still been working. Things have been crazy. Insane might be the better word. Insanity to be exact. Me TLO and my sister in law started tackling that that last week. I did the whole passing out thing on night one, but I didn't have any more of those issues going forward. I did have some issues getting though all of the workouts, but I will. I think its  already having some positive effects even though I'm not losing weight at the moment. I was able to power through my last walk at a pretty good pace compared to my previous walk before I started this. So i think there is some slight improvement in cardio and strength. And to tell the truth on the weight, huh? NO! Power walking is not for women! I didn't even say that I was power walking. Read it again a**hole. Its not like my hands are flailing about and I'm switching up and down the street. Its called walking fast you dips**t. Now shut the f*** up, before I power my foot up your a**.

June 6, Day 9, 237.8 lbs

Dear Diary,
Night two of insanity passed without me passing out. I was looking forward to the darkness, but no. I just proceeded to cool down like normal people do after a workout. I'd like to make that a habit. But making things habits takes so long. I guess that's alright. Especially if this habit helps me to keep losing weight. It's not like I have anything to do, right? Right? Answer me a**hole! It's not a rhetorical question. Seriously. What's my schedule look like? I'm too f***ing tired to look. I should have gotten more rest when I was done not throwing up.

June 5, Day 8, 238.4 lbs

Dear Diary,

Last night I did the insanity fit test. I made it through, but just barely. I did better than the last time, but when it was all over I felt myself blacking out. I was prepared for it or at least I thought I was. I mean its happened before after I've gotten a good cardio workout in. Its not like I'm in the best of shape, so when I do something my body isn't used to it just shuts down like the a**hole it is. Huh? Its kinda like the blue screen of death on an old Windows PC, or the Red  Ring of death on an xbox. Whatever you want to compare the blacking out to, the point is that its almost inevitable. To try to prevent the inevitable, I armed myself with a protein shake as soon as I was done and got into a position where I could breathe. It didn't matter. I could see, and feel, the darkness coming. I tried to fight it. Then I didn't. I know that everyone talks about not going into the light, so I figured the darkness has to be the opposite. I said f*** it and laid back. I was only out for a minute, if that, but it felt like so much more. It felt like my computer was reset or something and I had a clean slate. I was well rested and felt like I was at peace.  Here is to making progress. And giving into the darkness. Serenity now... Insanity later. Tomorrow actually. B***h.

June 4, Day 7, 240.2 lbs (the end of a wasted week)

Dear Diary,

There is nothing worse than following a success with a failure. Huh? F***. I hate when you're right. There is noting worse than following a failure with a failure, but at least that shows a determination to succeed. Ok, I'll try again. There is nothing more PATHETIC than following a success with a failure. It means you've bought your own hype... you got sucked into the gravity of your own reality distortion field. I mean, I knew that after yesterdays walk and amazing weigh in that the body was going to snatch back all that it could to return to "normal", whatever the f*** that means. I mean, I had seen it in the past. Only a fool doesn't learn from his mistakes. But a fool I am. The pathetic part is that this fool helped it and made it worse than it should have been. I had a burger and fries for lunch. I didn't think that was a great move so I decided to finished the day with fruit and a workout. That didn't really work out. Though I passed on going to the donut shop with TLO and the kids so I could go home and eat an apple and a banana, I failed my next test. I initially declined a piece of apple pie that TLO brought home. She pulled one of my moves. The slice was $4 so it made more sense to buy the whole thing. Then she started talking about us starting insanity and not wanting to have it around. F***. With that sexy logic I couldn't pass it up. Then later that night I had another slice too, even though I knew I was f***ing up. Oh well, there is no one to blame but myself. And the scale. And you, you a**hole. Where were you when I needed you?

June 3, Day 6, 236.4 lbs

Dear Diary,
I got out and beat the streets today. Did 9.67 miles in 2:40 minutes. Had to do it to offset the coffee cake I ate when TLO made brunch yesterday. Also the BBQ I had to end the day. Too tired to talk s**t. Bye.

June 2, Day 5, 239.2 lbs

Dear Diary,
Well I had my first increase since I got started again. And for the life of me I can't figure out why. Maybe a lack of rest. I was up pretty late and then up pretty early. I did sit ups last night then hit the bike for about 12 miles this morning before the disappointing weigh in. I could be angry but I'm taking it all in stride. Last year I was talking about hitting a new low. I can't be proud of the fact that I'm still below that number. Can't say that I will be tomorrow. It all depends on that a**hole of a scale. I hate leaving my fate in its hands. I better do something about it.

June 1, Day 4, 238.8 lbs

Dear Diary,
I know I said I didn't want to keep talking about zombies and what I am now convinced might maybe be the start of the zombie apocalypse, but this crap won't go away. Yesterday there was a story about some idiot that ate his roommates brain and heart. And I'm not talking about his roommate had some in the fridge and this a**hole had his way with it. I mean this guy dismembered his roommate and went to town. Who does that s**t? I mean you might eat their pizza. Maybe their red velvet cake if you're bring brave or you're drunk. But their heart? Thats just too much. Are those body parts low in fat? Is this some sort of new fad diet? Huh? Nope. I don't think this is Paleo. Even if they are and it is, I'm just gonna stick to what I've been doing. I had been hitting up Subway for lunch a lot lately. Their smokehouse BBQ chicken sandwich was the business. I was even eating it for breakfast. I say was because I just found out they took it of the menu.  Come to find out those heartless a**holes weren't joking when they said it was for a limited time only. It was so popular it sold out in a lot of locations. If I walked into one with out it, I walked right out empty handed. How could they get rid of their greatest creation ever. Have those heartless bastards lost their minds? Huh? No I don't know who there roommate was. Why? Oh...