September 25, 2014, 239.9 lbs

Dear Diary,
I...uh yeah, what the f*** do you want? Yes. I am still fat. Yes. I still high high cholesterol. No it does not go away after a single day. Yes I ate better yesterday. Yes I ran yesterday. 3 miles and another 1.6 this morning. Is that it? Great. Now, where was I. Oh yeah, I... I... I forgot. F***.

September 24, 2014, 240.5 lbs

Dear Diary,
I have high cholesterol. F*** you very much. Huh? Well, no. You're really not at fault here. It could be my parents. It could be the tacos. One thing we know for sure is that its definitely not me. Uh, no. The doctor didn't say that. OK. FINE. I'll take the blame on this one. A**. I'd like to think that this is not as bad as it could be had I not started losing weight a while back. And though I've regained some I'm still better than what I was. With all that said, I need to get back on the grind. Time to step up the exercise and to eat much better. I'm just glad I went into Popeye's Chicken Last night before I got this news. Bye bye fried foods and that other s**t thats trying to kill me. Huh? Yeah I know you'd like to kill me to a**hole. Get in line.

July 15, 2014, 241.6 lbs

Dear Diary,
I've gained weight. I'm sure you'll try to find a way to say that this isn't your fault but it damned sure can't be mine. I spent a week in NYC eating all manner of s**t. Cheesecake, had a steak (actually a steak and a half- the first one they brought me was over cooked. The second was perfection), soul food and a hot dog every time I hit a corner. During that time I gained maybe a pound. I came back home and weighed in at 238 and some change. After little to no weight gain after eating that s**t all over New York, I come home to gain 3 f***ing pounds? In my defense, which technically I should need no defending as this is clearly your fault, I was tired Sunday and Monday I was stuck in an all day meeting with food -- constant food being served all day. It was almost like I was in New York again. Only difference was that I didn't have to walk miles and miles between locat...Huh? I guess all the walking did make a difference, but me not walking yesterday was not my fault. I actually ran a mile in the morning. I would have run more but I didn't have the time. Actually I could run this morning but I'm talking to you. Uh, yeah thats right. I am gonna go, but not before you admit this is all your f***ing fault. Come on. Take some personal responsibility for my life. A**hole.

June 30, 2014, 237.4 lbs

Dear Diary,
Remember how we got started? I decided to challenge myself to eat better. I cut out red meat and some other crap for a month. I wasn't even exercising and I had a wonderful outcome. I lost weight quickly and you came about. Well, one out of two isn't bad. I've been stuck with the weight I didn't lose and your punk a** ever since. I've tried to forget about you many times since b***h. Since things went so swimmingly the first time out I tried to do it again in June. Get rid of weight, and you - twas a noble cause. No red meat for the month and to make it even tougher, I had Meatless Monday's. It was tough the first day, but I got by. Hell, I even started to like Meatless Monday's so well that I expanded it to extra meals when I could. Could I be a vegetarian? Hahaha. Forget about it! Needless to say, it didn't workout as well weight wise; even though I worked out. I put some miles on the books this month before I had to shut it down because of a chronic hamstring injury. Huh? No my leg wasn't smoking again. And what are you talking about again a**? Oh yeah, the time when someone set my leg hair on fire in gym class. How the f*** do you remember tha..? F*** you and f*** him for that. The only good thing about that is that I weighed less. Unfortunately, what I weighed wouldn't have allowed me to give him the a** kicking that he deserved. I can't stand bullies. Now stop talking about that s**t, before I take your lunch money and stuff you back into the locker. Uh...I guess it could be a meat locker...I wasn't using it anyway...um...I know I began this by asking if you remember how we got started, but now I have another question for you. Remember how I was gonna end this? You and your f***ing interruptions... Forget about it.

June 6, 2014, 238.5lbs

Dear Scale,

F**k you. 

PS. I know the weight went down, but it had nothing to do with you. All I ask is that you be honest and consistent. That way I know I can believe what you say and you can remain in my circle of trust. Huh? I am honest and consistent with you. You know that I honestly hate you and I consistently treat you like s**t. I step on you daily like the scum of the earth you are. You need to be honest. Tell me my correct weight. That s**t doesn't change by the second. I usually step on once and take that as the truth. Today I stepped on again and you went up. I thought to myself, "this is some bulls**t, let me try again." Time after time you slowly crept up like you were just trying to piss me off. Well you did...Aww hell naw. You can't be mad at me for being honest about you having no ability to do your only function in life correctly. With all due respect, and if I'm being honest not much is due, f**king die. I'll just get you new batteries and insult you again. B***h. 

June 5, 2014, 238.8lbs

Dear Diary,
Its been three full days with no beef and limited chicken. Huh? No ass. I don't want beef with you and I'm no chicken. Its not like this is easy. I am a f***ing carnivore. I eat meat with lunch and dinner and sometimes for dessert. This s**t is real. Know what else is real? My disdain for you. Its almost as strong as my desire to reunite with a real sandwich. But just like I can deal with that seething contempt that I have for you I can deal with a f***ing veggie burrito. As long as I'm getting positive results I'm pretty sure I can make it stick. A few days in and the scale has turned in the right direction. Its not like that b***h had any choice. I've ran 6 miles since Tuesday and been eating this rabbit food. I dare a muthaf***a to tell me I'm not skinny. Huh? Yeah I asked for that. Fine. Not yet.

June 3, 2014, 242.7 lbs

Dear Diary,
Ever since I came back from Chicago, I've been having some problems with the scale. To be specific, its showing numbers that I don't like. Huh? Yeah a**, just like my bank account numbers. I am working on getting to two commas and I'm still pretty far away. Just like I'm pretty far away from my weight goal. Can't say that I even know what it is anymore. I just know it ain't this, so I decided to do something different. Kinda like what got me talking to your punk a** in the first place. I'm taking it back to basics. Ha ha hell naw. I'm not going Paleo. That s**t is basically dumb. Cavemen were fat and are dead. I'll be too if I keep stuffing myself full of delicious ribs and steaks and such. I'm gonna cut out red meat for a while again. And bread. And be a part time vegetarian. Did it yesterday. No meat. Had a veggie burrito from chipotle that had me feeling like a f**king hippie. Then you know what happened? I gained weight. I know what you're thinking and you're right. This is such bulls**t. Oh. You were gonna say that it took more than a day of eating that way to become fat, it'll take more than a day to lose the weight? Thats a great point. I need to do something different AND be patient enough to see results. But, and this is a big but... F**k you Captain Caveman.

PS. Keep the big but joke to yourself

March 26, 2014, 237.2 lbs

Dear Diary,
Today I woke up with one thing on my mind. Huh? Ok you're right. Today I woke up with two things on my mind. I accomplished one of them already. I got my wake up call badge. I did some investigating and found out that I fell short of getting it yesterday by 3 f***ing points. Huh? That is no place for a thats what she said joke. Its not like TLO makes me aware of a scoring system that gets me hooked up. Not like that stanking fuel band app. Its not perfect but it helps track your workouts. Yesterday I came prematurely; to the end of my workout that is. I wasn't gonna let that happen again. I had a plan. Today when it was time to rise, I took my little blue pill...for my thyroid. That gives me the energy I need to keep it up; the running that is. Went another 3 miles this morning. I just kept pounding and pounding and pounding until I came...to 7 am. Thats when the time to earn the badge was over; I had climaxed. I reached my peak. No! I didn't roll over and go back to sleep. What the hell do you think I'm talking about? No a**hole, just no. Huh? That's not what she said! But she didn't say yes either.

March 25, 2014, 237.0 lbs

Dear Diary,
I failed. 

P.S. F*** you. I didn't mean in that way, but sure I could have been a better friend to you. I just choose not to. I do exactly the bare minimum to maintain whatever this is we have here. I'm not wasting energy and effort that I don't need to to please you. In that sense I'm pretty successful. Economy of effort.  I wasn't successful this morning. I was trying to earn a nike fuel badge for early morning activity and came up just short. Don't know exactly how short,  but... Dude, there is no room here for a Kevin Hart joke. Well okay. He is short and there is always room for him since he is so small. Funny. It wasn't funny that I went all out to reach that goal and came up short.  I mean I ran my best mile and had to come pretty close to my best 5k, but all I felt after finishing was disappointed. I went after a very specific goal, didn't reach it, and can't see the exact results. Its just that I didn't get it. I failed. No wiggle room.  No explanation was gonna get me over the line. No gray area. Next time I will make sure I do more than enough. No economy of effort in this situation. Gotta over do it. That was a real wake up call, which appropriately is the name of the badge. Huh? Keep your 2 cents to yourself. You will receive even less effort. A**hole.

March 10, 2014, 236.2 lbs

Dear Diary,

It's the same old story. Been busy. At least this time I have some thing to show for it. Huh? I know what you mean. All those times I go out running and came back with nothing. This time I've come back with a medal for the LA Big 5k. Uh, yeah I've heard of Brokeback Mountain but what does that have to do with this? Dude, this is different. All those times I went out I was really running. I came back with sweat and personal records. When they went fishing and never came back with fish, they weren't really fishing. At least I don't think so. And no! I don't know if they were sweating like me. I never watched the movie. What I did watch was all of the people I passed by during my run on Saturday. It was great. I didn't beat my best time but I ran well. And that was in spite of the 3,300 people in my way and all of those hills. Nope. I did not mean mountains and my back is just fine a**hole. I told you that movie has nothing to do with this. I wish I knew how to quit you. That way I wouldn't have to deal with your stupidity. This is why I have not spoken to you in a while. What?!?! "Friend, that's more words than you've spoke in the past two weeks!?!?" That's what you have to say to me? No apology for your stupidity? You keep this s**t up and I won't speak to you ever again! Huh? No I do not want to go fishing with you. 

February 28, 2014, 236.7 lbs

Dear Diary,

Who was it that sang 'I want to go outside in the rain'? Keith Sweat I think. Huh? I'm not being dramatic. Oh. The Dramatics sang it too? Oh. Ok. All them muthaf****as are stupid. It may sound crazy, but I don't like that s**t. The only wetness I want on me after running is my own sweat and I don't really like that s**t for anything other than the sense of accomplishment it brings. And once the rain starts falling on my face, you won't see a single trace of the work I put in. I'll look just as wet all the other stupid people in the rain, which I'm assuming includes Keith Sweat and those a**holes. Now don't get it twisted, I'm ok with the rain, but I don't want to make it last forever. I mean I want to run again, but I'm not doing it in this s**t. Once the sun comes out and the rain has gone away then I'll return to the streets. Until then it's me and the EBG. Uh no. You can't join. How many times have I told you!?! Are you f***ing crying? You better take that s**t outside. Huh? Yup. In the rainnnnnnnnn...

February 26, 2014, 238.3 lbs

Dear Diary,

First off I want to apologize...to the scale. I must have put some unneeded extra pressure on it this morning for it to react to me the way it did. The things it said to me. It wasn't much, but it hurt. I know what I did was wrong. I mean, who eats that many coffee cakes? Huh? Yeah, me. But I had a good excuse. Ok fine, no I didn't. I did it because I wanted to. I'm not gonna lie. I still have the appetite for junk. Difference is now I make better decisions most times. And I exercise. Didn't do it yesterday. But today I got out and ran my best 5k yet. And that's without hitting my best mile. Even better than that I did my 3rd mile faster than my 2nd. That's a first. So f*** you. And f*** the scale too. I retract my apology. I'm not making excuses or apologies. I'm making waves muthaf**** so you better find a surfboard. Uh, no. I think Jay Z is taken. 

February 25, 2014, 236.3 lbs

Dear Diary,

I missed out on the best part of waking up. No a**hole. And who the f*** still drinks Folgers. I'm talking about getting in my morning workout. It's nice to have the miles behind you, my fuel points built up and a sense of accomplishment before the rest of the world wakes up. Huh? F*** you and f*** the other time zones. You know what I meant. You also know you wake up early when you see 5:40am on your clock and realize you missed your window to run and get back in time to shower and head out the door for work.  Not that I have all of that stuff done by that time, but if I start at that time I'm screwed. Huh? Not that kind of screwed, which would make for a pretty good morning. Hahaha. Great point! TLO sleeps like a log so it's only right to make some fire with her wood and mine. Huh? Actually yup, THATS the best part of waking up. 

February 24, 2014, 235.9 lbs

Dear Diary,
So uh...yeah. I've been away for a couple of weeks. I've been busy. And yes, that includes being too busy for your dumb a**, but I wasn't too busy to work out. I got in some runs even though I was sick. Truth be told, its probably the early morning runs that were making me sick. Huh? Not like how I was sick of running. I actually like it now. Hey, that was a good question. Uh... You know that threw me off my game. I mean who expects you to make sense? But you know what didn't throw me off my game and helped me make a few cents? Vegas b***h! I was there for close to a week and maintained my weight while enjoying some damn good food and doing a little gambling. I saw the Michael Jackson One show and huh? No a**, that has nothing to do with weight loss. You wanna be starting something? Cause the way you making me feel I wanna scream. Look I don't care if you're written in black or white, I'm gonna kick your a** until its read all over. No a**hole, its not a typo. Now beat it. B***h.

PS. Why does your breath smell like Jesus Juice and Jheri curl? Don't ask me how I know what those scents are!

February 12, 2014, 235.1 lbs

Dear Diary,

The key to running is to just start running. At least I think it is. I wasn't having the best of luck with keys anyway. Found mine in the washer last night, but that is neither here or there. Wasn't feeling the jog this morning. I'm still a bit sick and if I'm telling the truth these early morning runs probably aren't helping. I had a hard time getting out of the house. I couldn't find that damned key that I had lost and found yesterday. Found it under a remote and got out of the house. Uh, no. That would not have been the first place you looked. A**. Anyways, I found it and was on my merry way. And at a good pace I might add.  The key to a good run in my mind is to do what is comfortable for you, but try to do it a little faster and longer than the day before. Still, something told me to turn around. Usually that's just me wanting to quit, so I initially ignored it. When I finally listened I realized that I lost my key. Backtracked and found it sitting on the sidewalk about 5 feet from my front door. The key to getting back in the house is not to lose your key. Glad I listened. Uh, no. Not to you a**hole. You give horrible advice.  Also, yes. I'm glad I got in some mileage. These miles ain't gonna run themselves. Uh, no. I'm not giving you the key to not getting your a** kicked. I'm not open to that...

February 7, 2014, 237.0 lbs

Dear Diary,

Slept in this morning. Feeling a little bit under the weather. Huh? Well yeah, I guess we are always under the weather if we're on the ground but you're an a**. It's a f***ing colloquialism. I'm gonna put you under the ground. Oh my goodness! You're a f***ing idiot. That is not where the Underground Railroad is. It wasn't a f***ing subway. It was a network and not a social network like Facebook. And before you try to act like like you brought it up because of Black History Month, let's have the traffic light show red, cause you need to stop. Get it? Garrett Morgan invented the traffic light. No, no, no! Garrett Morris starred in Martin. Huh? I have run out of insults worthy of you. No. Martin was not about Martin Luther King. He was a great man that had a dream. You are an a**hole that has a nightmare. I am that nightmare. Please sleep in so I can terrorize you longer. You make me sick. Huh? Yes, that brings us full circle. Jerk. 

February 5, 2014, 237.2 lbs

Dear Diary,

I'm still The Man and you're still rejected material for maxi pads. You have no wings and you're not fly. Huh? Yeah that is harsh. Not sure where that came from because I'm having a good morning, governor. Scale went down. Ran my best mile and best overall pace this morning. I, unlike you, was flying. Ok. Flying-ish. That is until I left to go to work, but it took less than 2 hours to get to the office. So, life is great. Period. Uh. Ok. I'll sign a f***ing letter apologizing to you, but who apologizes to the help? I treat you better than they treat the people at Downton Abbey. Ok. Fine. That's not true. Just know that I'm not sorry. Hurry up and hand me the bloody pad bloke. 

February 4, 2014, 238.2lbs

Dear Diary,
I know, I know. Its early. I got up to get my run in because I'm The Man. You know how I know? Because this song told me so.

Yup, right from the beginning the song reaffirmed my beliefs. It also got me drinking the koolaid pretty quickly. "I believed every lie that I ever told." When I heard the pace I was going after 5 minutes, I knew I was The Man and The Man was going to crush his record for his best mile. Turns out I was wrong and I missed crushing my record. Hell I didn't even get close to it. But I still had a chance to be The Man because I had that song on a loop the whole time I ran. It turns out that wasn't as long as I had run before. Thats because The Man ran at a better overall pace today, in spite of missing out on my best mile. So f*** you mile one record. I got up and did what must be done.  I ran harder than before only to find myself standing 4th in the line of my Nike Running app motivation. 

Huh? Nope. No disrespect, but they're not my competition. The Man has no competition but The Man. I run to do better than I did before, but ok. The Man shouldn't be in 4th place. So maybe I'm not The Man yet, just a man. But I'll get there, because this is my world. It's time to do what must be done. Be a king when kingdom comes. So go ahead and tell everybody, I'm The Man, I'm The Man, I'm The Man. Huh? I know, I know. Its early.

February 2, 2014, 239.3 lbs

Dear Diary,
Mary had a little lamb and Michael had a lot. Well that and cake too. We celebrated my mom's birthday yesterday and we had George's Greek Cafe. There was lamb everywhere. Especially on my plate. Huh? No I don't know if he stole it from Mary. No he doesn't look like a gypsy. Also, I'm pretty sure thats a derogatory term plus what the f*** do gypsies look like? Oh, well... Dumba**. Because the lamb I ate wouldn't go away in silence, I decided to try to run it off.  As I began my run I had to stop because if was freezing like a muthaf***a. You knew!?!? Why didn't you tell me it was so cold you son of a b****!?!?! Forty six f***ing degrees. It was so cold that I can barely type now. It was so cold that the b**** of a pit bull that could have been your mother didn't chase me. Yup. That dog was out walking around by itself was so big that it should have just been called a bull. Luckily I had stopped running already when I saw it out of the corner of my eye. We both kept walking parallel to each other making sure the other wouldn't start running. It wouldn't come after me. How did I know? It wouldn't. I can't explain it. It - it would consider that rude. It was like we had a contract. Good thing that b**** was as old and as cold as me. If it was the warm day that the sun led me to believe it was gonna be when I looked out the window, things might have ended badly...for that sheepish dog. I'm a beast. I already ate Mary's lamb, courtesy of George. Huh? No, we didn't have fava beans and a nice chianti to complement the meal. Why do you ask? 

PS. I don't care if you are mad you weren't invited to the party. The Lyons don't concern themselves with the opinion of sheep. 

January 31, 2014, 237.3 lbs

Dear Diary,

Huh? Yeah the weight is right. Just seems like it's stuck in place. It was actually a little higher yesterday. Why didn't I tell you? Because f*** you. That's why. Look. I don't have time to be telling you every little thing I do and every little thing I eat; even if it is delicious. Ok yes. I had bundts this week. I mean they had zesty f***in orange man. What do you expect me to do? Ignore that!?! Also yes, I had some that Betty made too. And sloppy joes. And Cheesecake Factory too. Ok. Are you happy? Yeah b***h! 

Well I am too. Kinda. My weight has been in check even though I ate all the stuff so that's a reason to celebrate. Another reason to celebrate is the fact that I just finished running/walking 100 miles in January. That's more than twice the amount I had ever done in a month. And more than I had done in some combined years. Plus I did a good chunk of it jogging. Gotta say that I'm pleased. Just not satisfied. That's where the kinda gets added to the happy. I guess it's the curse of competitiveness and the fact that there was no finish line. Just more miles to run. F***. 

January 28, 2014, 237.3 lbs

Dear diary,
Things are going well. Weight's going down on the scale. Trying to look good, but pretty hurts. I don't want to be haunted by memories of things that I could have done better, so I try and run hard. Sometimes it makes me want to drink, cause I'd have to be drunk in love to be happy when jogging. But I keep doing it because I don't want to blow the gains I've made because of it. They are like heaven. And you don't have to tell me. I'm no angel but I'm trying to be better. Somebod yonce told me to put up a partition between the fat Mike and the skinnier version, then don't look back. Don't be jealous a**hole. I'm not gonna rocket away from your dumb a**, but these goals are mine and who else is gonna help me reach them but me. Ok, yes. And Beyoncé. Look she ain't flawless, but she helped me power through this mornings run like I had a superpower.

Thanks Beyoncé, XO

PS. Can't wait to get my blue fly knit air max when I hit 100 miles.

January 26, 2014, 237.3 lbs

Dear Diary,
This was it. This was the day I stopped running. Hey! Don't be so giddy a**hole. We knew it had to come someday. I was pushing myself pretty hard. Yesterday I did more than 10 miles and this morning I eventually did 5. That put me up to 80 miles for the month and has me on pace to meet my goal of 100 by going 4 miles a day through Friday. Manageable enough. So we can agree that the time was not as important as miles. Excuse me a**hole!?! I said we can agree...Thank you! With all that said, I felt guilty about walking. Whenever I got the time or distance reminder and it told me about the pace I was going I got mad and felt like running. I had made a conscious decision to walk today and save my body some wear and tear while still getting my miles in. By time I made it to the final stretch of the walk and was concerned about the pace, T.I.'s you ain't missin nothin came on and it said,

                                 I know the time seem long, just try and keep strong

                                 Put on ya headphones and rewind this song

                                 Remember you ain't missin' nothin', homes

                                 I promise you ain't missin' nothin', homes

That did it for me. I finished my walk at a leisurely pace and got home in time to tell you to f*** off. You have to be grateful for the little things. Ha! Don't say it...

January 24, 2014, 235.2 lbs

Dear Diary,
Its funny how you can use almost anything to justify what you want to do. Take this morning for instance. I hopped on the scale and saw the numbers go down. I could have used that as an excuse to take a break. A reward for a job well done. Instead I chose to celebrate by getting out there and running again. I came up short of my best mile by a few seconds and I did not beat my best overall pace. And thats just fine. I've gone for almost 65 miles so far this month, so f*** you! Who can break records every time they go out? Huh? It was a rhetorical question a**hole and those weren't the kind of records I was talking about. But since you brought it up, yes I am somewhat sorry about your record collection. You have to admit though you didn't really have the best taste in music. Uh, yeah. That would be my justification. B***h.

January 23, 2013, 237.0

Dear Diary,
You know how they say a body in motion tends to stay in motion and a body at rest tends to stay at rest? Yeah, inertia. Well that s**t didn't really apply to me today. I've been in motion walking and jogging for the last 10 days straight, but today I didn't want to keep going. I motioned towards the front door when I really wanted to go back to sleep. But a funny thing happened. Huh? Not that funny a**hole. I went out the door. And when l got out there I jogged my best timed mile, even though I spent the first few seconds telling myself I was just going to walk today. As I turned the corner I just started jogging and inertia took over. At least for that first mile. Huh? Ok fine, yes I only beat my best time by a second, but... f*** you. I'll take whatever victory I can get, even if its only me beating myself. And you better hope that doesn't stop, because if it does I'm gonna start beating your punk a**. And you know what they say about a body in motion...

January 22, 2014, 236.9 lbs

Dear Diary,
I hate jogging, but I love what it does for me. I assume that its similar to the feeling some wives have about their husbands. Huh? Nope. No further explanation needed.

January 21, 2014, 238.5 lbs

Dear Diary,
Remember Rocky and Bullwinkle? You would probably be that little Russian Boris to my cool a** Rocky. You could never foil me. And I know you'd try. Bastard. Anyway, all of their episodes always had two titles. If this were one of those episodes, the first title would be: Taking it all in Stride. The alternate title would be: F*** you Diary. Huh? Well yeah, the alternate title is really the unspoken title I use daily. Thats why it makes sense to do it. What doesn't make sense is the scale going up the way it did yesterday. I'm not saying I did things perfectly, but I didn't do 2 lbs worth of damage. I'm not going to dwell on it too much because at the end of the day, it was probably water weight. Huh? Also yes, at the end of the day, the day is over. Ha. Yeah, I hate when people say that too. You just have to take it all in stride, which is what I did today. I got out early to get my work out in. Huh? Yes it was before dawn, but it was not a Red Dawn. Idiot. I'm not going to pay attention to you. However, I paid attention to my stride and jogged a little better. I tried to stride right. Um, no or to put it into a language you can understand comrade, nyet. Two things. Thats not how you spell the shoe company and they don't make mens shoes. Yes I checked. Also don't you realize how hard it would be to run in those things? Hard bottoms and such. Look. I don't have time to school you on striding. Huh? Well yeah, that would be because I don't really know all there is to know about it. What I do know is that its time to make use of that alternate title. You little commie f***. Where's the hammer that I use when I'm getting sickle of you? Get it? Of course not. How do you say stupid in Russian?

January 18, 2014, 238.8 lbs

Dear Diary, 
Its Saturday morning, but that didn't stop me from getting up and getting it in. Huh? What does TLO have to do with this? Oh...I was trying to yell at you, but that was really not a stretch of the imagination to think that I would say that, so I'll give you a pass. What I got in was a morning walk-a-jog-magig. Not really sure what to call it. I'm just doing it. Huh? Why would I have to pay Nike for anything other than shoes? Oh...I wasn't trying to make a Nike pun there, but seeing as how I own about a hundred pairs I could see how you might think that was the case. Another pass for you. Well, anyway I went out for the 5th day in a row and though my time was a little slower than the last couple of days, my distance was longer. And dammit, I feel good... Um...Nothing? The one muthaf***in time I WAS making a pun and you don't notice? That doesn't feel good. A**hole.

January 17, 2013, 238.4 lbs

Dear Diary,
Woke up late and didn't have time to run. But I did anyway. And yeah I meant run, well really jog. I jogged my first mile and missed my best mile by a few seconds. I had to cut it short though. This is my fourth day in a row going out there, so I'll have to deal with the traffic for getting out a little later. Don't really want to. But I'll do it anyway.  Its amazing what you'll do to keep a streak going. Speaking of streaks, what the hell did you do with your hair? You know what?!?! I don't care. Don't have the time to deal with you. Just like I cut my run short, I have to cut this po... 

January 16, 2014, 239.0

Dear Diary,
I'm better than Kanye West. Thank yo...Hold up, let me finish! Went out for 3 more miles today and listened to College Dropout. Kanye said Jesus Walks with him. I got him to jog with me. Jogged more than walked today, and it felt good. I  still hate jogging, but its less than I hate you. And don't worry about why. I'm still trying to work out my issues. And thats a great segue to my finishing up my walk this morning listening to Kanye's Workout Plan. It was fun, but it was more for the ladies. Maybe since he is hooked up with Kim Kardashian, they can update the work out plan and maybe even release a video. Huh? Oh yeah. She does have a work out video with Ray J. Um, this is awkward... Kanye shrug ---> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

January 15, 2014, 240.1 lbs

Dear Diary,
Today I went for a...What do mean where have I been? Look I don't have time for small talk. I was trying to tell you that I went for a walk and ended up jogging. I was out communing with God in the quiet and darkness of the early morning. Huh? Well yes. Him and Kendrick Lamar, but they are far from the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know Kendrick says a prayer or two on his CD but I wouldn't call it anything close. Just like walking and running aren't the same. I started out walking and I mixed in some jogging. Now you should know that jogging isn't my favorite thing in the world so if I do it, and thats a big if, I do it in small spurts. Now I've been building up over the last few days and each day I jog a little further. But since I still hate it, I have to convince myself to keep going. Huh? Yeah kinda like I have to convince myself to talk to you. Believe me, its a struggle. I will look at light poles and bargain with myself to keep running to the next one if its not too far and I think I can make it. In the dark it works pretty well since the light casts a perfectly straight line that I use for starts and finishes.Well today I was doing pretty well. I kept going past several light poles even though I wanted to quit. When I renewed my commitment to make it to the next light pole, I figured that I made one commitment too many. Didn't think I was gonna be able to keep it. Huh? No you a**. The commitment I made to TLO is safe. That thing is for life. And yes by that I mean as long as she lets me live. I'm pretty sure she wants to kill me for the insurance money, but thats for another day. Today, I thought I was going to give up on that latest commitment, as the path ahead was too dark. I didn't think I could keep running until I reached the next light pole which was too far ahead. It was at the moment that I was ready to stop, that a light pole that I had not seen, that was previously off, turned on and burned bright. I was shocked. I was happy. I was overcome by emotion and full of joy. I was gonna keep running. And I did. It was like Divine Providence. Scratch that. It was Divine Providence. God was with me and helping me to go a little further. Yea, though I walked through the streets of darkness, I shall fear no...What? Ok no, it wasn't a miracle of biblical proportions, but it was big for me. Kinda like Footprints. Ok, no there were not two sets of footprints. Actually there weren't even a single set, so you can prove who was with me. And yes most of the time, the only voice I heard was Kendrick's. You know what?!!? You are a killjoy. Don't mess this up for me. Fine! It wasn't exactly anything like Footprints, but I know it was He who carried me through. It became pretty obvious when that light came on. Huh? Did I keep running the rest of the way after that? Are you crazy? I told you I hate jogging. Idiot.