January 18, Day 317, 231.8 lbs, 33.5% bf

Dear Diary,
I've been working hard. Some jogging, weight lifting, bike riding. Hell I rode 23 miles this morning. Now if I can get the diet in line I can keep it up. I've already shown that I can beat meat. Now I need to beat sugar. Huh? Don't call me rude boy, but yeah, I will get it, I mean keep it up. Thanks to my little blue pill. Even after an intense workout I'm able to stand erect for hours after I've reached my peak. Huh? Ok fine. I'll call it my climax. I'm not sure that makes a difference. We're both coming to the same point. Yes, I'm sure I spelled coming correctly. Don't you have spell check? Huh? I see no reason to call a doctor for any of this. There is no dysfunction. Why do you ask? Viagra!?! Oh f***, you're nasty. This is for my thyroid you a** hole.

January 12, Day 311, 231.6 lbs, 36% bf

Dear Diary,
As I finished typing the title for todays post I almost typed BFF. Then I started to wonder if you were mine. I mean I tell you all of my deep dark secrets. Well almost all. I didn't tell you that I decided to search for those donuts. The place I had a lead on didn't pan out. I figured that had to be a message from God that I didn't need them. As I was leaving the parking lot I saw a Hostess Bakery Outlet just across the street. I figured that had to be the devil calling. And you know thats crazy. I never blame that dude for my shortcomings. Huh? You know what the f*** I did. I answered. As I pulled into the parking lot feeling ashamed that I couldn't help myself, I was thinking that this must be fate and I was powerless against that kinda s**t. As I walked into the doors of the place, and this is no lie, Let's Get It On starts playing. And you know I had been trying to hold back that feeling for so long. I just knew I was gonna get me some. Huh? Donuts, you a**. It had to be the case. But alas, there were none of the donuts I sought. At least I didn't succumb to all of the tasty treats that lined the walls of the place. Huh? Ok yeah. It was only because I had bought some cupcakes at the place across the street. Actually this brings us full circle to the BFF s**t. Almost immediately after I wondered if you were my BFF, I said f*** no. You're an a**hole. Why would you call me out on my snacks you punk. You know I'm working on getting right and you're really no help at all. My bike is a much better friend. Thats why I rode it 23 miles this morning. It never talks back like you. BFF. More like BFB. Huh? You're stupid too? Big F***ing B****! You're the worst friend ever! Talk to you tomorrow!

January 11, Day 310, 233.2 lbs, 35% bf

Dear Diary,
I've been really tryin' baby. Tryin' to hold back this feeling for so long. And if you feel like I feel baby, c'mon, huh? No really huh? Are you really trying to interrupt this? What do you have to say that's so important? Huh? Nope. Don't try to turn this around on me. Not that what I have to say matters, but I'm the person here. Not you. F***. Sometimes I get really tired of you. Actually I'm just tired all of the time. No. Not about you. Not everything is about you. Can we focus on me for a minute you selfish bastard? Thank you. Now these feelings I've been trying to hold back are... What?!?! Yes I have feelings. I just don't give a f*** about yours. Huh? No We are not all sensitive people. You're not even a person a**hole! Damn. Now, I've been feeling tired and even though I've gotten in a few good workouts they've all been on the weekend. In the morning. By time I get home from work in the evenings I've been drained. I miss having energy and feeling good. Don't you know how sweet and wonderful life would be if I felt good all the time? So I decided to get up early and work out every morning. I got up at 4 this morning and rode the bike 22 miles then hit some push ups and sit ups before hitting the shower and the road. I felt good. Don't say that you knew that I would or we're gonna fight... Ok that did it. Let's get it on!

January 6, Day 305, 234.2 lbs, 34.5% bf

Dear Diary,
I realize that I've been going about the weight loss thing very casually. It's time to get serious. So here we go. Yesterday my caloric intake was greater than my calories burned. I believe that my meal choices yesterday were chosen wisely, with the intention of limiting calories and providing the energy needed for a brisk evening workout. Though I engaged in an allegedly light dessert prepared by my mother-in-law, I had planned to work out vigorously upon my return home. Excuse me? Please hold all questions until the end, at which time we will have a question-and-answer session. Thank you. As I was attempting to note, those attempts were thwarted by my attempts to soothe a crying child. As said child entered a state of sleep, I did as well. As a result of my actions heretofore, my weight, as judged by the scale, which is located in my home, increased. Forthwith, any attempts to locate a certain confection which was previously obsessed over will be summarily suspended until, and unless, I deem otherwise. That is all. Questions? The chair recognizes the Diary.... Yes. That means that I will consume a donut if I choose. Yes. My understanding of the situation would reveal that that is less than an optimal choice. Yes, I will have to increase my workout intensity and frequency. No more questions. Please ram your innards without love for noticing. Anal orifice.

January 5, Day 304, 233.6 lbs, 33.5% bf

Dear Diary,

I think I've said before that even though I've lost a few pounds, there is still a fat guy inside of me. Why are you laughing? Oh, you know what? F*** you. Allow me to restate.  I'm still a guy with fat tendencies. Some days I'm better at fighting them than others. You know things are bad when after an hour long bike ride you are thinking I'd give up all of this weight I've lost for a night full of Hostess Raspberry Filled Powdered donuts. It's a damn good thing for me that they no longer exist. Huh? Yeah I'm sure they don't exist. I searched for them for years. Grocery stores, 99 Cent Stores, thrift shops, the Hostess website. I figured someone had a stash they were looking to make a killing on. And yes, I am being literal. I even wrote to Hostess to find out. The told me they didn't make them anymore and sent me a little coupon for some other product. Even now I pass the snack shelf at the store and take a look to make sure they haven't reappeared for some sort of celebration. But no. And no, there is no acceptable substitute. Especially not the banana I ate shortly after I had the feeling. Talk about being disappointed... I wasn't being literal. Please shut the f*** up. Ok. Fine. Speak. What? Don't you f***ing lie to me. 

Ok. This is really f***ing disappointing. I guess I should be glad you found them, but I'm not.  Especially after working out and gaining weight. I don't give a f*** it its water weight or muscle. I'm just inconsolable. Maybe they will just send me one donut, that I might be comforted. F***. This is crazier than The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Knulla dig Kalle Diary. 

January 4, Day 303, 232.6 lbs, 36.5% bf

Dear Douchebag,
Huh? No I'm not talking to myself. But yeah I guess I could be. I said that I would be making an effort to do something daily and I did. Huh? I did more than make an effort. I actually knocked out some sit ups. The problem is that I did them while watching a movie that had subtitles. Then I fell asleep on the floor. Huh? Ok. I'll take that. Douchebags do watch foreign movies with subtitles. Subtitled movies don't do much to help your workout. You have to constantly stare at the screen and can't concentrate on the sit up. Huh? Oh. I guess I could have rode the bike. F***. Where we're all of your bright ideas last night? Huh? You have another job?!? And why do your pages smell like vinegar? I knew it. You are a f***ing douchebag. I didn't know it was literal though. Wow.

January 3, Day 302, 232.2 lbs, 36% bf

Dear Diary,
It's a new year and I've got a new attitude. Huh? Well actually you're right. It's the same s**tty attitude I had last week, but I'm gonna try to do something different. Huh? No. I didn't make a resolution. People never keep them. I never keep them. Well I did actually keep the last one I made, which was to not make anymore resolutions. With all that said I got in a lackluster workout yesterday, but I did something, which was not easy. My key will be to get back to he point where I'm doing something daily. Huh? Well yeah, it'll likely be the same stuff I was doing before. Ok fine. Nothing about me is different. You caught me. I only got a new calendar. I'm just worrying about writing 2012 instead of 2011. After I get that I'll worry about the intensity of my workouts. So f*** you with the heat of 1,000 white hot suns. Huh? Yeah. I guess that was pretty intense.

January 1, Day 300, 234.4 lbs, 35.5% bf

Dear Diary,
I've made it 300 days. And yeah I know its not hard to spend 300 days doing anything. But 300 days ago I also chose to make a change. A change in how I ate and several days later I chose to make a change in how active I was. It turned out pretty well. Huh? Well no, I wasn't active for all 300 days and yes, I ate plenty of bad s**t. I mean I had vacations, holidays, a surgery and I've been battling some issues, which have slowed me down, but I can say that the effort I made over the last 300 days was greater than the effort I put forth in the previous 300.  I sacrificed the things I loved to do for the things I needed to do. Without those sacrifices, I could be talking to you about 300 lbs at the rate I was going. Instead I'm kind of complaining about only being down 30 lbs from my highest weight. Huh? I know, I know. There will be no glory in my sacrifice. Blah, blah, blah. This is not Sparta, you know, but I will put my foot in your chest and kick your punk a** into a bottomless pit as soon as I get a chance. 


Speaking of getting a chance, I got a chance to hit the bike this morning. Rode for a few miles and read a book. I have to get back to doing it more often. It doesn't matter what my body does in response. Actually I should say that it shouldn't matter what my body does in response. It'll be pretty f***ing depressing to put forth an effort and get nothing in response which is basically what I think has happened over about the last 150 days. But I can't worry about that. The effort I put forth in my next 300 has to be greater than my last 300. And me putting this effort in is going to cost me. That also means its going to cost you. B***h. This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this. I'm not your King. Prepare for glory!