Dear Diary,
I've taken to walking to help get rid of the dead weight. Huh? I said nothing about the walking dead. And don't go there. With the recent news out of Miami I'm starting to fear that the zombie apocalypse is upon us. So of course there is no better reason to get in shape. The fat guys always get eaten by the zombies. And thats why I avoided the sweets that littered my office yesterday. F***ing Panera Bread everywhere. I need to be sleek to get away from the geeks. To that end I walked 3 miles last night and rode the exercise bike for 10 miles this morning. I'm trying to get it together before the world falls to pieces, like my half dead scale. Huh? Naw, you don't think...
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
May 30, Day 2, 240.4 lbs
Dear Diary,
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. I am not love. I am not patient. This half a pound a day loss after riding the bike for 25 miles in 90 minutes is gonna piss me off. Huh? Shut up! I know it adds up to 3.5 lbs a week. I can do the math you idiot, which brings me to my next point. I am not kind. No need to expound on that. I am envious. I hate seeing people do better than me. Though I want a six pack of my own, I'm envious of anyone that has one. Huh? Yeah, that does actually include six packs of beer. I am boastful. You better believe it. If I lost a pound or two I'd be talking major crap. And yeah, I'd be proud of that so go love yourself. A**hole.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. I am not love. I am not patient. This half a pound a day loss after riding the bike for 25 miles in 90 minutes is gonna piss me off. Huh? Shut up! I know it adds up to 3.5 lbs a week. I can do the math you idiot, which brings me to my next point. I am not kind. No need to expound on that. I am envious. I hate seeing people do better than me. Though I want a six pack of my own, I'm envious of anyone that has one. Huh? Yeah, that does actually include six packs of beer. I am boastful. You better believe it. If I lost a pound or two I'd be talking major crap. And yeah, I'd be proud of that so go love yourself. A**hole.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
May 29, Day 1, 241.0 lbs
Dearest Diary,
Day 1 is almost in the books and I have to say that I think I did ok. Started the morning with coffee, a banana and a rice cake. No muthaf***a I said rice cake, not birthday cake. I don't even think that s**t sounded anything close. But speaking of birthdays, there was a birthday lunch for a friend in the office and I ate fish. Had some almonds for an afternoon snack and then came home for dinner. Grilled fish and spaghetti. Huh? Uh no. I'm not gonna tell you what I ate for every meal each day. That would be annoying and highly uninteresting. And yes, also stupid. I just told you because I'm trying to set the tone for healthier eating. Also trying to set the tone for a decease in weight. Cause if I gain tomorrow after passing up cakes and s**t and having a mini workout this morning and another regular workout now I'm gonna be pretty f***ing pissed. And I have no one to take it out on but you. The scale is still halfway broke so there is no further use in threatening it. You on the other hand...
Day 1 is almost in the books and I have to say that I think I did ok. Started the morning with coffee, a banana and a rice cake. No muthaf***a I said rice cake, not birthday cake. I don't even think that s**t sounded anything close. But speaking of birthdays, there was a birthday lunch for a friend in the office and I ate fish. Had some almonds for an afternoon snack and then came home for dinner. Grilled fish and spaghetti. Huh? Uh no. I'm not gonna tell you what I ate for every meal each day. That would be annoying and highly uninteresting. And yes, also stupid. I just told you because I'm trying to set the tone for healthier eating. Also trying to set the tone for a decease in weight. Cause if I gain tomorrow after passing up cakes and s**t and having a mini workout this morning and another regular workout now I'm gonna be pretty f***ing pissed. And I have no one to take it out on but you. The scale is still halfway broke so there is no further use in threatening it. You on the other hand...
Monday, May 28, 2012
May 28, Day 0, 240.2 lbs
Dear Diary,
What's up b***h? You missed me huh? Can't say I've missed you. Huh? Yeah funny. Can't say I've missed any meals either. Touché. I can say that I've missed a lot of exercising and it's caught up with me. I've gained back a bunch of weight. The one positive thing I can say is that I think I'm wearing the weight better this time around and I weigh less today than I did a year ago. And before you say it, I know that was two things you f***ing douche. At least at that point I was on the way down instead of going up like a damned hot air balloon. After multiple trips to Vegas and the holidays, I'm back to a place I never thought I'd be. I thought all of the good habits I created would protect me from a relapse. Nope. F***. So I'm back. Back to pick up where I left off. Back to trying to do things right. Back to trying to do things in writing since it worked so well the last time out. Back to your punk a**. You better f***ing deliver. Huh? No I don't want pizza you a**hole.
PS. I expect to go up tomorrow.
What's up b***h? You missed me huh? Can't say I've missed you. Huh? Yeah funny. Can't say I've missed any meals either. Touché. I can say that I've missed a lot of exercising and it's caught up with me. I've gained back a bunch of weight. The one positive thing I can say is that I think I'm wearing the weight better this time around and I weigh less today than I did a year ago. And before you say it, I know that was two things you f***ing douche. At least at that point I was on the way down instead of going up like a damned hot air balloon. After multiple trips to Vegas and the holidays, I'm back to a place I never thought I'd be. I thought all of the good habits I created would protect me from a relapse. Nope. F***. So I'm back. Back to pick up where I left off. Back to trying to do things right. Back to trying to do things in writing since it worked so well the last time out. Back to your punk a**. You better f***ing deliver. Huh? No I don't want pizza you a**hole.
PS. I expect to go up tomorrow.
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