Dear Diary,
So today I had the recently forgotten feeling of anticipation when I hit the scale. Its not like I haven't been weighing in lately, but it was usually with a feeling of dread. I knew I wasn't doing much to get me where I wanted to be, but I had to check anyway. When I got on this morning I had expectations. And why the f*** shouldn't I have had them? I rode the bike 30 miles last night in two hours while watching Dexter and the boys from SAMCRO. I ate decent yesterday. Avoided cake that was calling my name. Huh? You've never heard of a talking cake? Well, who the f*** has heard of a talking diary? Hello!! Why aren't you saying anything a**hole? Oh s**t...
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
November 29, Day 267, 232.0 lbs, 30% bf
Dear Diary,
Yeah I know. I said nothing for two weeks and then I'm back twice in 8 hours. I need to get back on my grind. That's gonna require discipline. And a schedule. Sooo... Here I am. Huh? Nope. Nothing new has happened. Well I did a few push ups and there was another weigh in. Lost a couple ounces. Can't complain about that. S**t. You should have seen that carrot cake. I'm surprised I escaped with my life. Since I did, I'm gonna take that life and work the s**t out of it. Huh? You're an a**hole. Work out your own s**t.
Yeah I know. I said nothing for two weeks and then I'm back twice in 8 hours. I need to get back on my grind. That's gonna require discipline. And a schedule. Sooo... Here I am. Huh? Nope. Nothing new has happened. Well I did a few push ups and there was another weigh in. Lost a couple ounces. Can't complain about that. S**t. You should have seen that carrot cake. I'm surprised I escaped with my life. Since I did, I'm gonna take that life and work the s**t out of it. Huh? You're an a**hole. Work out your own s**t.
Monday, November 28, 2011
November 28, Day 266, 232.2 lbs, 31% bf
Dear Diary,
What's up b***h? Huh? Oh. Its me. Mike. Don't try to get all brand new on me. You know who the f*** I am. Uh, yeah. I've been gone for a minute. Two weeks to be exact. Yeah, I could have called but I was busy. I wish I could say that I did something worthwhile with my time, but I don't think its true. Mostly its been a blur of Call of Duty, Turkey, Sweet Potato pie and the random workout. I used to look forward to the workout to close out the day. I still look forward to it, but I don't make sure that I get it in. Its no longer the priority that it was. Kinda like your punk a**. I figured that I could do this without you since I had run into a wall. I was gonna come back and tell you of all of the wonderful things I did without you and how I didn't need your help to meet my goals. The truth is I didn't do much and I do need your help. As worthless as it is. Sometimes bouncing s**t off of you is a good thing. I'll get an epiphany like House every once in a while and get something I need to solve my problem and keep it pushing. Its not your fault that I stopped pushing when I hit the wall. Its not your fault the wall is there. F***, its not even your fault that I can't find my way around it. Its also not your fault that I decided to eat cake and sit on my fat a** while I was waiting for the wall to disappear.. Huh? Ok fine lots of cake. I figure today was emblematic of my recent dilemmas. I had fruit and coffee for breakfast. No big deal there. But for lunch I had a big f***in hunk of carrot cake after eating a salad and some salmon. And before you get started, there were lots of carrots in there. I'd honestly say that I got a days worth of vegetables in there, but it was still a stupid thing to do. So I'm just not gonna do it tomorrow. But I'm not gonna lie. It'll be hard. Its the small f*** ups on an otherwise spotless day that seem to kill me. It probably wouldn't matter if I got my lazy a** on the bike, but I haven't. At least not as regularly as I had before. I feel like that fat guy inside of me is screwing me. Huh? Why would I have to say 'no homo' after that? I don't get it. Just let me finish. Damn. TLO is starting to get in little jabs about my inactivity and sweet tooth. Can't have that s**t, but the temptation to eat s**tty and do nothing to remedy it are really strong. I wish my desire to get past this bulls**t was that much stronger.
PS. It is.
PSS. All that s**t earlier was your fault. I f***ing hate you.
What's up b***h? Huh? Oh. Its me. Mike. Don't try to get all brand new on me. You know who the f*** I am. Uh, yeah. I've been gone for a minute. Two weeks to be exact. Yeah, I could have called but I was busy. I wish I could say that I did something worthwhile with my time, but I don't think its true. Mostly its been a blur of Call of Duty, Turkey, Sweet Potato pie and the random workout. I used to look forward to the workout to close out the day. I still look forward to it, but I don't make sure that I get it in. Its no longer the priority that it was. Kinda like your punk a**. I figured that I could do this without you since I had run into a wall. I was gonna come back and tell you of all of the wonderful things I did without you and how I didn't need your help to meet my goals. The truth is I didn't do much and I do need your help. As worthless as it is. Sometimes bouncing s**t off of you is a good thing. I'll get an epiphany like House every once in a while and get something I need to solve my problem and keep it pushing. Its not your fault that I stopped pushing when I hit the wall. Its not your fault the wall is there. F***, its not even your fault that I can't find my way around it. Its also not your fault that I decided to eat cake and sit on my fat a** while I was waiting for the wall to disappear.. Huh? Ok fine lots of cake. I figure today was emblematic of my recent dilemmas. I had fruit and coffee for breakfast. No big deal there. But for lunch I had a big f***in hunk of carrot cake after eating a salad and some salmon. And before you get started, there were lots of carrots in there. I'd honestly say that I got a days worth of vegetables in there, but it was still a stupid thing to do. So I'm just not gonna do it tomorrow. But I'm not gonna lie. It'll be hard. Its the small f*** ups on an otherwise spotless day that seem to kill me. It probably wouldn't matter if I got my lazy a** on the bike, but I haven't. At least not as regularly as I had before. I feel like that fat guy inside of me is screwing me. Huh? Why would I have to say 'no homo' after that? I don't get it. Just let me finish. Damn. TLO is starting to get in little jabs about my inactivity and sweet tooth. Can't have that s**t, but the temptation to eat s**tty and do nothing to remedy it are really strong. I wish my desire to get past this bulls**t was that much stronger.
PS. It is.
PSS. All that s**t earlier was your fault. I f***ing hate you.
Monday, November 14, 2011
November 14, Day 252, 230.0 lbs, 34% bf
Dear Diary,
So my newly realized blessings arrived yesterday, but they didn't bring much in the area of will power. I finished off my donuts yesterday with the help of the little people. The better part was what I chose to eat for the rest of the day. I went to pick up some grilled chicken and sides from Albertsons. Got a early afternoon dinner in and then coasted through the rest of the day playing with the kids and washing clothes. No exercise still. Gotta fix that. I'm pretty sure I can't do it without exercise and I know that I can't get though this struggle alone. Huh? F*** naw!!! You don't count. I'm not going to pray to you; however, I will prey on you. Now shut the f*** up.
So my newly realized blessings arrived yesterday, but they didn't bring much in the area of will power. I finished off my donuts yesterday with the help of the little people. The better part was what I chose to eat for the rest of the day. I went to pick up some grilled chicken and sides from Albertsons. Got a early afternoon dinner in and then coasted through the rest of the day playing with the kids and washing clothes. No exercise still. Gotta fix that. I'm pretty sure I can't do it without exercise and I know that I can't get though this struggle alone. Huh? F*** naw!!! You don't count. I'm not going to pray to you; however, I will prey on you. Now shut the f*** up.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
November 13, Day 251, 231.4 lbs, 32% bf
Dear Diary,
I was gonna give up on my goals. I had no fight left in me. I engaged in what I knew were self destructive behaviors yesterday. I did not exercise. I ate donuts and pizza and drank soda and played video games and watched TV while sitting on my a**. I was expecting to weigh in at 235 this morning. Thank goodness I didn't. There was virtually no increase from the Saturday morning weigh in. Then I got blessed at church. I realized that I've worked too hard and come too far to give up now. I expect to be successful. I've got some fight left in me. Consequently, I've got some pizza and donuts left in my kitchen.
I was gonna give up on my goals. I had no fight left in me. I engaged in what I knew were self destructive behaviors yesterday. I did not exercise. I ate donuts and pizza and drank soda and played video games and watched TV while sitting on my a**. I was expecting to weigh in at 235 this morning. Thank goodness I didn't. There was virtually no increase from the Saturday morning weigh in. Then I got blessed at church. I realized that I've worked too hard and come too far to give up now. I expect to be successful. I've got some fight left in me. Consequently, I've got some pizza and donuts left in my kitchen.
Friday, November 11, 2011
November 11, Day 249, 230.2 lbs, 27% bf
Dear Diary,
Had company at the house last night watching the game. Made no effort to exercise. Just cleaned up after the kiddos and stayed away from the bag of M&Ms that infiltrated my office the previous night. Lost weight. I need more nights like that in my future. Just the weight loss part. I have grown to enjoy exercise. Still not grown accustomed to your b***h a** though.
Had company at the house last night watching the game. Made no effort to exercise. Just cleaned up after the kiddos and stayed away from the bag of M&Ms that infiltrated my office the previous night. Lost weight. I need more nights like that in my future. Just the weight loss part. I have grown to enjoy exercise. Still not grown accustomed to your b***h a** though.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
November 10, Day 248, 231.8 lbs, 28.5% bf
Dear Diary,
Uh. Yeah. F***. Didn't see that coming. I feel bloated and any sign of a coming 6 pack is gone. I'm sure it's temporary, but I've got to find a way to divorce my attitude from my weight. It's an inverse relationship. Huh? No I didn't mean perverse you a**.
Uh. Yeah. F***. Didn't see that coming. I feel bloated and any sign of a coming 6 pack is gone. I'm sure it's temporary, but I've got to find a way to divorce my attitude from my weight. It's an inverse relationship. Huh? No I didn't mean perverse you a**.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
November 9, Day 247, 228.6 lbs, 32% bf
Dear Diary,
I feel validated. After saying that I didn't think my meds were right, I got a call out of the blue telling me that the doctor was going to increase my dosage. Yay me. I chose to celebrate by not eating a pastry. I got home and further celebrated by sitting on the floor and playing Modern Warfare 3 until the wee hours of the morning. I didn't really plan for that to be my workout, but if I could do it again and have the same results, I'd be all over it. Huh? Yeah, I know. I got lucky yesterday, but only because I think I made more good decisions, than bad. I ate a couple of bananas and rice cakes and an apple over the course of the day with a sandwich for lunch and TLO hooked up a cool dinner. Took my new pill this morning. I'm looking forward to having more energy and using it on something productive.
PS. F*** you.
I feel validated. After saying that I didn't think my meds were right, I got a call out of the blue telling me that the doctor was going to increase my dosage. Yay me. I chose to celebrate by not eating a pastry. I got home and further celebrated by sitting on the floor and playing Modern Warfare 3 until the wee hours of the morning. I didn't really plan for that to be my workout, but if I could do it again and have the same results, I'd be all over it. Huh? Yeah, I know. I got lucky yesterday, but only because I think I made more good decisions, than bad. I ate a couple of bananas and rice cakes and an apple over the course of the day with a sandwich for lunch and TLO hooked up a cool dinner. Took my new pill this morning. I'm looking forward to having more energy and using it on something productive.
PS. F*** you.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
November 8, Day 246, 230.4 lbs, 31.5% bf
Dear Diary,
As I slowly creep upwards on the scale into what I hope is just a day trip to the 230's to pick up a little motivation, I have to say that I'm almost convinced these pills are screwing me. I say almost because I've been f***ing myself lately. Huh? You're an a**hole. Nobodies talking about that Mr. Harry Palms. Hows your blindness going? No one baits a hook better than you. Some would call you Master Baiter. Now shut the f*** up. I'm talking about my poor decisions as of late. I feel like I should be asking myself what f***ed me over daily. Pastries have done me in. Yesterday it was cherry cheese danish from Panera Bread. Two. My will power continues to ebb at the moments I need it most. I hoped, but didn't expect last night's workout would help. I knocked out 200 sit ups, 250 push ups and did some planks while watching football. I hit the block for a quick jog but quit even quicker when I realized I wasn't prepared for the cold. Though I quit the jog I'm not ready to quit doing what I know is right regardless of my meds. I've faced setbacks before. I'll get over it. But first I've got to get under 230.
As I slowly creep upwards on the scale into what I hope is just a day trip to the 230's to pick up a little motivation, I have to say that I'm almost convinced these pills are screwing me. I say almost because I've been f***ing myself lately. Huh? You're an a**hole. Nobodies talking about that Mr. Harry Palms. Hows your blindness going? No one baits a hook better than you. Some would call you Master Baiter. Now shut the f*** up. I'm talking about my poor decisions as of late. I feel like I should be asking myself what f***ed me over daily. Pastries have done me in. Yesterday it was cherry cheese danish from Panera Bread. Two. My will power continues to ebb at the moments I need it most. I hoped, but didn't expect last night's workout would help. I knocked out 200 sit ups, 250 push ups and did some planks while watching football. I hit the block for a quick jog but quit even quicker when I realized I wasn't prepared for the cold. Though I quit the jog I'm not ready to quit doing what I know is right regardless of my meds. I've faced setbacks before. I'll get over it. But first I've got to get under 230.
Monday, November 7, 2011
November 7, Day 245, 229.2 lbs, 32% bf
Dear Diary,
My weekend return to the workout world was marred by all manners of cake. Cupcakes, regular cakes, uh... I guess that's it. Huh? Nope. Didn't get any hoe cakes. But if thy showed up in front of me I'd have probably eaten them too. If there was anything good that could come out of a weekend with weight gain, it would have to be that I got back the confidence that I could do something without hurting myself. Sit ups, push ups, jogging, and riding are all back on the table. Now I just need to get the junk off of the table. Huh? No a**hole. It can't go in my trunk.
My weekend return to the workout world was marred by all manners of cake. Cupcakes, regular cakes, uh... I guess that's it. Huh? Nope. Didn't get any hoe cakes. But if thy showed up in front of me I'd have probably eaten them too. If there was anything good that could come out of a weekend with weight gain, it would have to be that I got back the confidence that I could do something without hurting myself. Sit ups, push ups, jogging, and riding are all back on the table. Now I just need to get the junk off of the table. Huh? No a**hole. It can't go in my trunk.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
November 6, Day 244, 228.4 lbs, 32% bf
Dear Diary,
What the good body giveth, the good body taketh. Huh? No I'm not saying I've got a good body, but I'd love to hear someone else that thinks I do. I realize that I'm not there yet, so I won't complain about that. At least not now. But I'm working towards it. After yesterday's workouts I replaced all the water I burned off and then some. Huh? Fine. I did have some sweets too. I was at a baby shower. Plus I had some kool aid. Don't talk s**t. It was the only thing there was to drink. Huh? What flavor? It was red, a**. What kind of question was that? Your dumb a** should know what kind of kool aid black people drink. That's not cruel. The body is cruel when you take it out of its comfort zone. It makes you pay a huge cost for making it uncomfortable. I figure I should get my money's worth if I have to pay, so this morning I rode the bike for another 20 miles, did 100 push ups and 100 sit ups, and jogged a mile before the rain kicked in. It didn't result in a weight loss compared to yesterday, but it's not as bad as it could have been. F***ing baby shower cake!
What the good body giveth, the good body taketh. Huh? No I'm not saying I've got a good body, but I'd love to hear someone else that thinks I do. I realize that I'm not there yet, so I won't complain about that. At least not now. But I'm working towards it. After yesterday's workouts I replaced all the water I burned off and then some. Huh? Fine. I did have some sweets too. I was at a baby shower. Plus I had some kool aid. Don't talk s**t. It was the only thing there was to drink. Huh? What flavor? It was red, a**. What kind of question was that? Your dumb a** should know what kind of kool aid black people drink. That's not cruel. The body is cruel when you take it out of its comfort zone. It makes you pay a huge cost for making it uncomfortable. I figure I should get my money's worth if I have to pay, so this morning I rode the bike for another 20 miles, did 100 push ups and 100 sit ups, and jogged a mile before the rain kicked in. It didn't result in a weight loss compared to yesterday, but it's not as bad as it could have been. F***ing baby shower cake!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
November 5, Day 243, 227.6 lbs, 31.5% bf
Dear Diary,
I wish I knew how to quit you. Yesterday was no idle threat. I didn't know whether I'd be here talking to you or not. If I remained idle I would not. If I worked towards being an idol I would. Huh? No I don't think that anyone is gonna worship me, but in case they decide to I wanna be ready. I found the strength to workout last night after a day of work. Actually between last night and this morning I did 300 sit ups, rode 15 miles on the exercise bike at a better pace than usual and jogged a mile and walked for another. Huh? Did I go fishing? Where the f*** did that come from? Uh no. I've never seen that movie. And if I did I only watched the parts with Anne Hathaway when passing by on cable. Hell no I didn't watch the dudes kissing! Not that anythings wrong with that. Look. Shut the f*** up, thats the straw that broke the mountains back. I meant camels.
PS. Tell you what... truth is, sometimes I miss you so bad I can hardly stand it... Hate. I mean sometimes I hate you so much.
PSS. Actually, its all the time.
I wish I knew how to quit you. Yesterday was no idle threat. I didn't know whether I'd be here talking to you or not. If I remained idle I would not. If I worked towards being an idol I would. Huh? No I don't think that anyone is gonna worship me, but in case they decide to I wanna be ready. I found the strength to workout last night after a day of work. Actually between last night and this morning I did 300 sit ups, rode 15 miles on the exercise bike at a better pace than usual and jogged a mile and walked for another. Huh? Did I go fishing? Where the f*** did that come from? Uh no. I've never seen that movie. And if I did I only watched the parts with Anne Hathaway when passing by on cable. Hell no I didn't watch the dudes kissing! Not that anythings wrong with that. Look. Shut the f*** up, thats the straw that broke the mountains back. I meant camels.
PS. Tell you what... truth is, sometimes I miss you so bad I can hardly stand it... Hate. I mean sometimes I hate you so much.
PSS. Actually, its all the time.
Friday, November 4, 2011
November 4, Day 242, 228.6 lbs, 32.5% bf
Dear Diary,
This is getting crazy. I'm not only losing energy, but I'm wasting it on dumb s**t. I'm sure it took something to digest the sugary crap I ate yesterday. A pop tart, a cheese danish and a red velvet cupcake that wasn't worth the time it took to eat it. I was hoping to get a sugar boost to get me by. Huh? Ok. I just wanted them. My will power also seems to be wavering. But it didn't matter too much because I knew that I was gonna workout yesterday. So much for what I thought I knew. I was in bed laying down before 8. There is no reason to talk to you about weight loss if I'm not doing anything to get there, so I quit. I quit , at least until I get my lazy a** out of this funk. I could see you tomorrow. This could be it for us. I just know I won't be back until I exercise. This is a f***ing exercise in futility. Huh? Well technically I guess it could... Nope f*** that.
PS. Don't tell me. I know. Jay-Z would be so disappointed.
This is getting crazy. I'm not only losing energy, but I'm wasting it on dumb s**t. I'm sure it took something to digest the sugary crap I ate yesterday. A pop tart, a cheese danish and a red velvet cupcake that wasn't worth the time it took to eat it. I was hoping to get a sugar boost to get me by. Huh? Ok. I just wanted them. My will power also seems to be wavering. But it didn't matter too much because I knew that I was gonna workout yesterday. So much for what I thought I knew. I was in bed laying down before 8. There is no reason to talk to you about weight loss if I'm not doing anything to get there, so I quit. I quit , at least until I get my lazy a** out of this funk. I could see you tomorrow. This could be it for us. I just know I won't be back until I exercise. This is a f***ing exercise in futility. Huh? Well technically I guess it could... Nope f*** that.
PS. Don't tell me. I know. Jay-Z would be so disappointed.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
November 3, Day 241, 227 lbs, 33% bf
Dear Diary,
I've been having a tough couple of days on the energy front since I've been back at work. I think my meds are failing me. Last night I was wiped out by 7 pm. So no workout and a waste of a chance to move the scale in the right direction even though I ate ok. I feel like I've lost something. Luckily I know I need to go hard to find it. Jay-Z is calling me out this morning. He said "get your swag back daddy. Where's your focus at?" Truth be told, my focus has been on kicking you in your imaginary nuts and losing a couple of pounds. "Now there's much bigger issues in the world I know, but I first had to take care of the world I know." Time to get back to business. Time to go H. A. M. If I can stay awake. Yeah I know. This is some bulls**t.
I've been having a tough couple of days on the energy front since I've been back at work. I think my meds are failing me. Last night I was wiped out by 7 pm. So no workout and a waste of a chance to move the scale in the right direction even though I ate ok. I feel like I've lost something. Luckily I know I need to go hard to find it. Jay-Z is calling me out this morning. He said "get your swag back daddy. Where's your focus at?" Truth be told, my focus has been on kicking you in your imaginary nuts and losing a couple of pounds. "Now there's much bigger issues in the world I know, but I first had to take care of the world I know." Time to get back to business. Time to go H. A. M. If I can stay awake. Yeah I know. This is some bulls**t.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
November 2, Day 240, 226.8 lbs, 33.5% bf
Dear diary,
It's crazy that a pain in neck could slow me down on my road to recovery. Huh? No not you. Though you certainly haven't been much help. Plus, you a pain in the a**. A literal pain in the neck got me yesterday. A day that stared it right. Protein shake and banana in the morning. Turkey burger and vegetables for lunch. Followed by a small beef short rib sandwich and animal crackers for dinner. Not too many calories and I was gonna burn off even more when I rode my bike. Problem was I never made it to the bike. F*** ing pain in the neck shut me down as soon as I got home. I was even hurting too much to go get my pain pill. I just laid my punk a** down and went to sleep.
PS. I just remembered I had a candy bar. Huh? F*** you. That's beside the point!
It's crazy that a pain in neck could slow me down on my road to recovery. Huh? No not you. Though you certainly haven't been much help. Plus, you a pain in the a**. A literal pain in the neck got me yesterday. A day that stared it right. Protein shake and banana in the morning. Turkey burger and vegetables for lunch. Followed by a small beef short rib sandwich and animal crackers for dinner. Not too many calories and I was gonna burn off even more when I rode my bike. Problem was I never made it to the bike. F*** ing pain in the neck shut me down as soon as I got home. I was even hurting too much to go get my pain pill. I just laid my punk a** down and went to sleep.
PS. I just remembered I had a candy bar. Huh? F*** you. That's beside the point!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
November 1, Day 239, 226.2 lbs, 34% bf
Dear Diary,
I'm back to work and everything seems normal so far. Everything is just as I left it. My weight is just about the same as it was when I was last here. Time to get back on the grind. I'm gonna miss the morning naps and 12+ hours of daily TV. I won't miss 24/7 access to the pantry.
I'm back to work and everything seems normal so far. Everything is just as I left it. My weight is just about the same as it was when I was last here. Time to get back on the grind. I'm gonna miss the morning naps and 12+ hours of daily TV. I won't miss 24/7 access to the pantry.
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